Live data from Hacker News

Why Am I So Lazy?

thecut.com

181–190 of 243 posts

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#181

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Context. Tearing down vs empowering. I loved volunteering in my son's classroom(s). But I admit to having rage-fits when a beautiful, sweet, talented little 6 year old boy forfeits on a task, telling me "I'm stupid, I can't do anything". There's no question how his parents talked to him.

I am not sure I would blame the parents. As a kid I would say that I was stupid and couldn't do anything even though everyone around me was telling me how smart I was. I watch the same thing occurring in my six year old daughter now, even though I am sure nobody is saying that to her. It was a confidence thing for me. This didn't change until I was in my teens and was clearly better at certain things than others.

For me it was effort required. I was an early reader, and the first few years of elementary were a breeze, but at some point I decided if I had to work at anything, I didn't want to do it.

If I couldn't immediately answer the question, I felt was just stupid and it wasn't worth my time.

This, in spite of a family insisting I was the greatest.

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#182

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I didn't care for that article much, though there's a lot of good information in there. Why don't I care for it? Because it looks at ADHD only in terms of the capability for concentration. There are more symptoms and co-morbid pathologies associated with ADHD, and the ability to concentrate is only one of them. The biggest one that bugs me is the inability to automatically associate actions with their outcomes if the…

Is there a good way at all to tackle the issues you mention? I ask because, well, I kind of recognize myself in this description.

As someone who has struggled (very, very hard---high test scores, terrible grades, the whole bit) with this, I have recently taken the following approach:

1. The battleground is not a single choice or moment, but all of them. 2. There is a tendency to conflate results with character. If I have not done laundry and am wearing dirty clothes, am I a) a slovenly person, or b) a clean person who has not done laundry recently? The realization that I had no deep, abiding character flaws to address, that I could shortcut the entire "problem" of "fundamental laziness" by achieving the administrivia of life, was/is extremely encouraging. 3. The concept of "time capital" has been a good hook on which to congratulate myself, giving dopamine rewards. Basically: washed dishes are a form of wealth just as much as is money in the bank.

4. Reminding myself that no spectactular effort is reuired, that rather consistent and low-intensity effort is the key, has been helpful. I've always been good at high-intensity tasks---sports, outdoors, crunch time---and much worse at low-intensity ones. On the one hand it is something of a "life sentence" to realize that there are fewer opportunities to goof around, but it is ameliorated somewhat by realizing that the sentence is light labor, not hard stuff.

I would love to talk more about this---my life has had significant difficulties because of "laziness" and seems to be turning around at the moment---but some of those elementary tasks call right now.

Edit: Later. One of the big obstacles, I think is the ethereal nature of the problem. How does one "do" "not-laziness?" What is the momentary choice one can make that will beat the thing once and for all? And what possible paychological reward can there be for staving the spectre off for one more day, knowing that it will simply return tomorrow?

The 80-iq change of perspective, imo, is the mental action of asking oneself: "What can I do in this moment that will advance my goals?" (as opposed to: what can I do now that would match up with my mental image of what a "disciplined person" would do?) This gives you something concrete you can do now, and frames things as to offer a carrot rather than a stick.

One notable thing about this approach is that it often results in less work, as you realize that such-and-such task, while "virtuous," will not actually help you advance your station in life. This can actually be somewhat terrifying, as you worry that this is actually some trick you are playing to get out of work. I guess the sum-up is: don't fall into the trap of morally judging yourself as "industrious" or "lazy." The virtues to cultivate are judgment and efficacy, exercised consistently, not "industriousness."

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#183
post #66
post #52

> I see this shit every day in other parents: “She hates to read!” “He’s lazy!” “She’s bad at math!” You are imprisoning your kid with your words, fuckers! That's spot on. It's really upsetting to hear people say that about children, especially people with authority (parents, grandparents). DON'T DO THAT! Or, if you have to do that (!?!) at least be positive. Don't tell a kid she's bad at math, tell her she's good at…

I don't think you should ever say that someone is naturally good, "a natural" or anything like that. Instead kids should be praised for effort, for trying and having a growth mindset. If we only comment on how inherently good they are they might get lazy as whenever they get bad grades excuses like "I wasn't trying" works. It doesn't matter if the parents continue being surprised of the bad grades, the answer can als…

Sometimes it's hard to avoid because it's fairly evident. For example, if you have two kids and get them both instruments for Christmas and a day later one is playing little songs and the other can hardly make noise, it's hard to come up with any other explanation than "your sister just picked it up more quickly than you did".

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#184

My wife is very similar to the person who wrote this article. She will not do anything she can procrastinate. Nothing. I personally think its some sort of insidious depression. It's destroyed our lives together, and I'm on the verge of asking for a divorce for the... 3rd time, except this time, I'm going to just file. It is absolutely impossible to have the energy for both people in a relationship. My health is suffe…

> Successful Does she show motivation 9-5? If so there might be an answer that's more elaborate than "broad chemical imbalance," and a solution a lot more emotionally tractable than a divorce.

I don't know since I can't observe her at work but by her reviews are good. She's just getting her career started (in her early 30s). So time will tell.

But yes, there's another dimension to it. In her mind she classifies things as helpless and not helpless, and has incredible compassion for helpless things but very little for everything else. I do not understand this.

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#185
> Both the cynic and the underachiever are afraid of sticking their necks out and becoming who they deeply, passionately want to become, for fear of looking stupid or failing.

I have also experienced this for an equal but opposite reason. Not a fear of failure but a fear of success, either because it feels undeserved or because of the responsibility that might come with it.

To quote that thing that Mandela didn't say:

> Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

> We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

> Actually, who are you not to be?

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#186
post #139

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No, but "being lazy" is an action, which can be stopped. It's much harder to stop being lazy if you are being told it's a facet of your identity.

Lazy, here, is a state . It could be understood as a temporary state like being asleep or being hungry, or a facet of one's identity. "Stop slacking" might be better; it unambiguously refers to current behavior that a person can change immediately.

Lazy is an attribute.

"Being lazy" is a transient state.

That's the important distinction here.

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#187

My wife is very similar to the person who wrote this article. She will not do anything she can procrastinate. Nothing. I personally think its some sort of insidious depression. It's destroyed our lives together, and I'm on the verge of asking for a divorce for the... 3rd time, except this time, I'm going to just file. It is absolutely impossible to have the energy for both people in a relationship. My health is suffe…

You're enabling your wife's depression. Stay married. Just stop enabling her. Be loving and respectful, but stop helping her. In the short run she'll likely flip out on you. It will take a few months to get results. Don't tell her what you're doing, just do it. Don't be tough with her, don't tell her what to do, just go back to being happy and taking care of yourself.

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#188

Warning - rant. I wish HN would ban BS psychology articles. There are real, scientific, actionable steps to understanding perceived motivational deficit and this article doesn't get close to them. It retreads stigmatizing labels, regurgitates useless advice, and provokes high confidence low value anecdotes. 1. Motivation is a chemical state. You can induce motivation generically through dopamine reuptake inhibitors.…

How about banning BS psychology HN comments, too? It sounds like you're basically talking about ego depletion, which has come under fire in the past few years, with what little evidence there was for it coming into doubt: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ego_depletion

How about banning BS-BS psychology HN comments, too?

It sounds like you don't believe ADHD is a real disease, which has come under fire in the past few years due to skyrocketing rates of diagnosis, with pop psychologists believing that it's a scam by the pharmaceutical industry.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_deficit_hyperactivit...

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#189

My wife is very similar to the person who wrote this article. She will not do anything she can procrastinate. Nothing. I personally think its some sort of insidious depression. It's destroyed our lives together, and I'm on the verge of asking for a divorce for the... 3rd time, except this time, I'm going to just file. It is absolutely impossible to have the energy for both people in a relationship. My health is suffe…

You're enabling your wife's depression. Stay married. Just stop enabling her. Be loving and respectful, but stop helping her. In the short run she'll likely flip out on you. It will take a few months to get results. Don't tell her what you're doing, just do it. Don't be tough with her, don't tell her what to do, just go back to being happy and taking care of yourself.

Tried that. Believe me. I appreciate the advice though.

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#190

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How about banning BS psychology HN comments, too? It sounds like you're basically talking about ego depletion, which has come under fire in the past few years, with what little evidence there was for it coming into doubt: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ego_depletion

How about banning BS-BS psychology HN comments, too? It sounds like you don't believe ADHD is a real disease, which has come under fire in the past few years due to skyrocketing rates of diagnosis, with pop psychologists believing that it's a scam by the pharmaceutical industry. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_deficit_hyperactivit...

Jesus christ, I never said I don't believe in ADHD. Don't put words like that in my mouth.
Post reply on HN