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Why Am I So Lazy?

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Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#171

Post by oceanghost »

pavel_lishin wrote: post #165
oceanghost wrote: post #159

My wife is very similar to the person who wrote this article. She will not do anything she can procrastinate. Nothing. I personally think its some sort of insidious depression. It's destroyed our lives together, and I'm on the verge of asking for a divorce for the... 3rd time, except this time, I'm going to just file. It is absolutely impossible to have the energy for both people in a relationship. My health is suffe…

> Things are so bad that I have to make sure she eats. That definitely sounds like depression. I think I know what the answer is going to be, but have you approached her about seeing a therapist?

Thousands of times. I have tried everything. She lies to the counselors/therapists and herself I suspect. She has a deep need to protect this behavior.

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#172

Post by pixelperfect »

ta76567656 wrote: post #151
iandanforth wrote: post #145

Warning - rant. I wish HN would ban BS psychology articles. There are real, scientific, actionable steps to understanding perceived motivational deficit and this article doesn't get close to them. It retreads stigmatizing labels, regurgitates useless advice, and provokes high confidence low value anecdotes. 1. Motivation is a chemical state. You can induce motivation generically through dopamine reuptake inhibitors.…

Stealing from my favorite retired blogger: "I can make you sad forever just by whispering a few words into your ear." The brain may be "just chemicals" but it's an incredibly complex system of them, to the point where high level abstractions, like "psychology" can be useful. To expand on your model, I would argue that things described in this article, like your fundamental assumptions about yourself and the world are…

I like that quote. It reminds me of this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yL9UJVtgPZY

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#173

Post by [deleted] »

watwut wrote: post #58
wildmusings wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You're discounting the value of moral thinking. You can reduce everything to a medical issue, because all human behavior is indeed biologically caused, but you are failing to consider that blame and fault and other moral concepts are exactly the kind of thing the mind is responsive to. Why are you so hostile to those, but so eager to pump people full of drugs, designed and dispensed on the basis of our very poor unde…

Because if you do need that drug or have condition, shaming you instead so that other people are scared and less lazy is unethical. Because blaming and shaming people for their mental conditions makes treatment harder. Because if we are talking about people who tried to change and did not succeeded multiple times, adding more shame solves literally nothing.

[deleted]

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#174

Post by vonmoltke »

pbhjpbhj wrote: post #136
perfmode wrote: post #109

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Be careful with the coldness. This may backfire on you down the road. Your children may stop respecting you as they gain independence.

Yes, but also my role as parent is not necessarily to be liked: I'm concerned to help him develop resilience and self-reliance above my own desire to be liked. It's a delicate balance.

"Liked" and "respected" are not the same thing. You can be one, both, or neither. You are right that the role of a parent is not necessarily to be liked, but it is to be respected.

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#175

Post by skrebbel »

specialist wrote: post #110
pbhjpbhj wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In think this has been shown to get worse results than praising effort. I call my kids out for being lazy when they're being lazy. Examples from this morning "I don't know what the second rucksack is": meaning "I can't be bothered getting it out the rucksack, you do it for me", my answer "You just want someone else to do it, stop being lazy and get it yourself". Also "I can't do it [take off my boots]": meaning "I do…

Context. Tearing down vs empowering. I loved volunteering in my son's classroom(s). But I admit to having rage-fits when a beautiful, sweet, talented little 6 year old boy forfeits on a task, telling me "I'm stupid, I can't do anything". There's no question how his parents talked to him.

It's infuriating, but it's also an opportunity to do your little push towards a growth mindset: tell them that then they could practice more so they get better at it.

I'm convinced that the more we all tell kids that practice beats talent by a long shot, the happier our next generation will be. Even if only some people around a kid talk like that I'm convinced it can make a difference, get people into this growth mindset when they're big.

(TED talk about the growth mindset, if the term feels like manager bullshit mumbo jumbo to you: https://www.ted.com/talks/carol_dweck_the_power_of_believing...)

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#176

Post by sgentle »

TheSpiceIsLife wrote: post #84
rwnspace wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I would argue that there is a discrete population with the 'disease' of ADHD, in the same way that doorways are a discrete difficulty for people who are very tall. One must either move into a house with very tall doorways, or learn to stoop. In any case, you'll probably often bang your head. This analogises to ADHD because failure to meet social and societal expectations often has real (and occasionally very painful)…

> 'Attention' is normally distributed, but the environments that smoothly manage different degrees of attention are not. Does that mean we should be prescribing amphetamine to those who don't function well in the available environments?

That is the current basis for prescribing them:

> A. A persistent pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity-impulsivity that interferes with functioning or development [...]

> B. Several inattentive or hyperactive-impulsive symptoms were present prior to age 12 years.

> C. Several inattentive or hyperactive-impulsive symptoms are present in two or more settings (e.g., at home, school, or work; with friends or relatives; in other activities).

> D. There is clear evidence that the symptoms interfere with, or reduce the quality of, social, academic, or occupational functioning.

(DSM V: https://images.pearsonclinical.com/images/assets/basc-3/basc...)

In one form or another, person X environment has been central to the definition of mental health for most of modern psychology, going back at least as far as Freud(maybe)'s "to love and to work".

Or, to put it another way, does that mean we should be prescribing glasses to those who don't see well in the available environments?

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#177

Post by bcyn »

csbowe wrote: post #123
20years wrote: post #25

Maybe she is not lazy at all. Maybe she just doesn't want to work on things that don't motivate or interest her. It is my ultimate goal to never have to work on things that don't interest me if only I can figure out a way to automate all of that ;) The fact that she has succeeded in getting A's with waiting until the last minute and not putting in much effort, indicates that she is very smart. I have noticed that rea…

Agreed. Lazy is lacking the desire to achieve what one considers worth achieving. If tasks like cleaning and laundry are accomplishments worth less within one's mental value system than, say, the feeling of spending time enjoying an excellent TV show then choice is clear. The key to turning around my perceived lazyness, personally, is about trying to control the value of what I spend my time on.

Thanks for this comment, I really really agree with this sentiment and you put it really nicely in words.

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#178

Post by orbitur »

specialist wrote: post #110
pbhjpbhj wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In think this has been shown to get worse results than praising effort. I call my kids out for being lazy when they're being lazy. Examples from this morning "I don't know what the second rucksack is": meaning "I can't be bothered getting it out the rucksack, you do it for me", my answer "You just want someone else to do it, stop being lazy and get it yourself". Also "I can't do it [take off my boots]": meaning "I do…

Context. Tearing down vs empowering. I loved volunteering in my son's classroom(s). But I admit to having rage-fits when a beautiful, sweet, talented little 6 year old boy forfeits on a task, telling me "I'm stupid, I can't do anything". There's no question how his parents talked to him.

I was that kid, and my parents and entire family were constantly telling me how smart I was. They were never verbally abusive.

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#179

Post by enraged_camel »

specialist wrote: post #110
pbhjpbhj wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In think this has been shown to get worse results than praising effort. I call my kids out for being lazy when they're being lazy. Examples from this morning "I don't know what the second rucksack is": meaning "I can't be bothered getting it out the rucksack, you do it for me", my answer "You just want someone else to do it, stop being lazy and get it yourself". Also "I can't do it [take off my boots]": meaning "I do…

Context. Tearing down vs empowering. I loved volunteering in my son's classroom(s). But I admit to having rage-fits when a beautiful, sweet, talented little 6 year old boy forfeits on a task, telling me "I'm stupid, I can't do anything". There's no question how his parents talked to him.

Please note that it can also be his friends. Kids can be real assholes towards one another.

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#180

Post by jo909 »

astura wrote: post #143
perfmode wrote: post #109

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Be careful with the coldness. This may backfire on you down the road. Your children may stop respecting you as they gain independence.

Telling your kids to knock the shit off and do X is not "being cold." As pointed out in sibling comments your job as a parent is not to get your children to like you.

Your job is to get your children to behave in a way that keeps _you_ liking _them_.

I don't mean that in the sense of "unconditional love" but a pragmatic day to day annoyance and dissatisfaction that keeps building up. Don't accept that as normal.

If you start resenting the presence or behavior of your children you need to act. Better act long before that.

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