Teens Aren’t Partying Anymore • Hacker News Board

Re: Teens Aren’t Partying Anymore

#131

Post by vorotato » Wed, Jan 03, 2018, 6:13 PM UTC

workthrowaway27 wrote: post #101

dragonwriter wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Society is sick, let's face it, and technology is largely to blame. Technology is never to blame for anything, because technology is not a moral actor; people may be to blame for the manner in which they use technology. OTOH, people have been falsely conflating “the youth of today seem to have a different lifestyle than I preferred in my youth” with “society is sick” for at least as long as we have historical evide…

There's lots of evidence that people in their early 20s and under are psychologically different than older people (higher rates of anxiety/depression at the same age, etc.). Anecdotally, I've noticed that people don't talk to strangers as much on planes anymore as when I was a child. I guess you could argue that technology isn't to blame, but technology changes people. And it's hard not to use technology when it's so…

Or it could be the fact that they paid 11 times as much as their parents for college and then couldn't get a job. Technology is a common scapegoat, it's not that it has 0 effect on us. Obviously fear of missing out is a real thing. However its almost never the dominating problem in our lives.

Re: Teens Aren’t Partying Anymore

#132

Post by sametmax » Wed, Jan 03, 2018, 6:14 PM UTC

toyg wrote: post #117

AmVess wrote: post #103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My parents let me walk to the corner store alone when I was 5. By the time I was 8, I'd be gone all day doing who knows what; the big rule was to be home for dinner. Allowing your kids to roam around like that these days will get CPS called on you.

That’s the thing: I’m very tempted to let my kids roam the neighborhood, like I did in Italy in the 80s. Where we live now, streets are pretty tight and have speed bumps, so it’s fairly safe. But if anybody gets nosey and calls child protection, I’m in a world of hurt from which I’ll probably never emerge. Yet another bit of the world ruined by Sun and Daily Mail.

There is a (painful, annoying and unfair) way around this.

Actively socialize a lot with people in your neighborhood. Including the old lady next door, local cops, teachers and shop owners. And once you know 50 persons around by name and they have your phone number, tell them one by one that you intend to let your child going out more and more out by him/herself to learn autonomy. Ask them to not worry, but to keep an eye open: they will feel important, think you are a wonderful parent and your kids will have 50 people to help them in case of a problem.

In my experience, if you befriend on average one person a week, you get there after one year.

Manichean but works wonder. Learned the trick while working in Africa.

It actually works for many other things: finding a job, getting help to do stuff, getting laid... You usually make real friends on the way, not a bad side effect.

Even in those facebook times, one-to-one human relationship are still ruling everything we do, and living in a community is one of the most rewarding skill to sharpen.

But yeah, we are not in a movie, it's a lot of work. The maintenance part is really time and energy consuming, as not everybody is interesting and worth it.

Re: Teens Aren’t Partying Anymore

#133

Post by appleiigs » Wed, Jan 03, 2018, 6:14 PM UTC

hrktb wrote: post #66

dragonwriter wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is definitely true, and driven in part by media-driven hysteria that has led to the decades of the perception that child abduction and similar child targeting crimes are on the rise, while the reverse has been the case.

I think it’s not just that. For instance 20 years ago there was public phone booths everywhere. A kid would just need a few coins and the house number to do a call, now you’d need a cell phone, and giving one to a 5~8 year kid is still not practical. Or I remember shopping at local shops enough to know their faces and names, or ask shop owner if the other kids where nearby. I don’t think my kid knows anyone other tha…

> TL;DR: A lot of stuff changed in the last decades, we can’t just blindly do the same as before.

When I was kid, I would get on my bike and wander too far. One time I was out and a thunderstorm came along. A nice lady invited me into her house to call home.

Fast forward to university, a professor objected to me closing his office door with just the 2 of us in there (we're both male and I'm 6ft 200lbs). A colleague of his was falsely accused of being inappropriate to a student, so his policy is to keep the door open.

The change in trust levels has changed pretty swiftly.

Re: Teens Aren’t Partying Anymore

#134

Post by vorotato » Wed, Jan 03, 2018, 6:14 PM UTC

Guest9812398 wrote: post #63

dawhizkid wrote: post #61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Outside of a pub (which is a bar?) none of these places would typically be open on a late Fri/Sat. I think there's plenty of opportunity to reinvent the nightlife experience in a way that hasn't been done yet. Hopefully in a few years you can decide between a bar, club, or ____ at 12am on a Friday night. The idea of being sandwiched in the middle of loud drunk sweaty people in a place where I can barely hear what som…

> Outside of a pub (which is a bar?) none of these places would typically be open on a late Fri/Sat. How late are you talking about? I'm looking at the weekend hours now in my city. Board game venues: 2AM. Escape rooms: Midnight - 1AM. VR: Midnight Meetup/Couchsurfing: I've been out to 5AM. Rooftop/outdoor movies obviously don't start until after dark, and then they usually serve alcohol, so people hang out and have…

Durham just got a vrcade and I kinda want to try it out.

Re: Teens Aren’t Partying Anymore

#135

Post by toasterlovin » Wed, Jan 03, 2018, 6:16 PM UTC

hrktb wrote: post #66

dragonwriter wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is definitely true, and driven in part by media-driven hysteria that has led to the decades of the perception that child abduction and similar child targeting crimes are on the rise, while the reverse has been the case.

I think it’s not just that. For instance 20 years ago there was public phone booths everywhere. A kid would just need a few coins and the house number to do a call, now you’d need a cell phone, and giving one to a 5~8 year kid is still not practical. Or I remember shopping at local shops enough to know their faces and names, or ask shop owner if the other kids where nearby. I don’t think my kid knows anyone other tha…

You might be surprised by the number of 5-8 year olds with cell phones. And I fully expect smart watches to eventually end up on the wrist of every single kid that spends significant time away from their parents.

Re: Teens Aren’t Partying Anymore

#136

Post by bastijn » Wed, Jan 03, 2018, 6:16 PM UTC

losteverything wrote: post #113

ashark wrote: post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, I get that, but there's screwed up and there's screwed up , ya know? Sure you can be in the top 50% of parents by just not actively trying to screw them up, but I'd like to do better than that, within reason, and tech/screens/Web seem to me like pretty big things worthy of a little attention and care, especially as they get older. Finding something like a least-harm/most-benefit way to fit that into our home li…

My kid tells us we did her/him a big disservice by just who were were: an in love couple with a good marriage. She/he tells us ahe/he was so unprepared for relationships and the knowledge that others' sid not come from our style home (happy marriage filled with love, imo) Now how does one predict that??? Introduce my kids to broken marriages?

Offtopic: are we now so gender neutral we even cannot address our own kid as he or she? Or did you do this on purpose to hide the gender of your kid as part of your privacy?

No flame intended. Honest question. Never thought about the gender of my kids being a privacy thing.

Ontopic: As a parent I (we) try not to restrain things like screen use. Instead we actively promote all other forms of spending time we prefer more. This means I usually enter the room before my kids get up and put the devices away and put other toys in sight. My wife is a montessori (method) teacher which makes her quite skilled at knowing which kind of toys/lessons our kids like at what time in their life. Meaning each couple of weeks the things we prepare change. Result is they usually first pick a bit of everything in plain sight and only after, at the end of day, ask for a device. We didn’t tell them not to, it is just they really like their puzzles, painting, and what have you. In real life preparing means putting things in sight instead of in a closet and one of us being downstairs before the kids is normal as well. Not much effort there.

Disclaimer: my oldest is only 3 right now. Older kids may be entirely different though I believe promoting better options has a better effect than restraining the negative ones.

Re: Teens Aren’t Partying Anymore

#137

Post by woolvalley » Wed, Jan 03, 2018, 6:18 PM UTC

losteverything wrote: post #113

ashark wrote: post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, I get that, but there's screwed up and there's screwed up , ya know? Sure you can be in the top 50% of parents by just not actively trying to screw them up, but I'd like to do better than that, within reason, and tech/screens/Web seem to me like pretty big things worthy of a little attention and care, especially as they get older. Finding something like a least-harm/most-benefit way to fit that into our home li…

My kid tells us we did her/him a big disservice by just who were were: an in love couple with a good marriage. She/he tells us ahe/he was so unprepared for relationships and the knowledge that others' sid not come from our style home (happy marriage filled with love, imo) Now how does one predict that??? Introduce my kids to broken marriages?

That model that you gave them will help them in the future as they figure out how to deal with not ideal people in relationships, and be a good person that attracts the right kind of people.

They just have to learn how to deal with non-ideal people, mostly by dating a bunch, maybe reading a few books so they can better recognize borderline and other personality disorders.

Re: Teens Aren’t Partying Anymore

#138

Post by vlasev » Wed, Jan 03, 2018, 6:20 PM UTC

losteverything wrote: post #113

ashark wrote: post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, I get that, but there's screwed up and there's screwed up , ya know? Sure you can be in the top 50% of parents by just not actively trying to screw them up, but I'd like to do better than that, within reason, and tech/screens/Web seem to me like pretty big things worthy of a little attention and care, especially as they get older. Finding something like a least-harm/most-benefit way to fit that into our home li…

My kid tells us we did her/him a big disservice by just who were were: an in love couple with a good marriage. She/he tells us ahe/he was so unprepared for relationships and the knowledge that others' sid not come from our style home (happy marriage filled with love, imo) Now how does one predict that??? Introduce my kids to broken marriages?

It takes a great deal of self-awareness to recognize how different your relationship/marriage/household/raising is from the norm and how this may affect your children. What messes kids up sometimes is just that their home is different from that of others so they don't know how to cope with others' expectations. Your kid sounds a little too cynical though. I'd say what he/she has is a blessing, because he/she has the opportunity to not only introduce someone to a good relationship, but also with some work, have a good marriage later on.

Re: Teens Aren’t Partying Anymore

#139

Post by woolvalley » Wed, Jan 03, 2018, 6:21 PM UTC

ashark wrote: post #73

westmeal wrote: post #9

I know, I know this is anecdotal 'evidence'. I happen to be 21 which fits me right in this generation and the main reason this occurs is due to parenting. My parents wouldn't let me go _anywhere_ by myself until I was at least 17. By that time I was completely and utterly addicted to computing to just let go and 'hang out'. As a matter in fact most of my friends are online rather than 4 real friends in real life. It…

If your parents had eliminated screens when you were very young (including theirs) save maybe one publicly-placed crappy terminal for wikipedia or looking up business hours or maps or learning you some programming or whatever, but loosened the reigns on hang-outs and travel, do you think you'd have still felt isolated because all your friends were still online most of the time? Asking as a parent with three young kid…

Keep on going! It can be pretty hard to be screenless although when it's a single child. You are their playmate pretty much 24/7 unless you can schedule other kids, which can be a good amount of work unlike siblings because of today's legal structures.

Re: Teens Aren’t Partying Anymore

#140

Post by watwut » Wed, Jan 03, 2018, 6:21 PM UTC

Clubber wrote: post #122

watwut wrote: post #114

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Teenage boys and girls partying together without adults is something many kind of societies frowned upon. They used to be scared of unwanted pregnancy a lot . It did happened occasionally, but it was seen as something bad and stigma (especially toward such girls) could be quite high.

>Teenage boys and girls partying together without adults I was assuming you were suggesting large parties regardless of age is a new historical phenomenon. Although, fraternities and sororities have been around for hundreds of years and they're 17-21 or so. I'm sure they've had parties most of that time. It's probably how they started. Not sure if that counts with teen-only criteria. The concept of adult age has chan…

Sororities were around for hundreds years? Are they not offshots of fraternities after women were allowed on universities?

When I read old times, I tend to imagine either rural living or middle classes in cities or something else more common. Of course they had fun and socialized, but it was not the same as 80ties or something.