121–130 of 161 posts
"To the extent that he’s been successful, it’s because he’s been strategic about what he reveals, and to the extent that he is heading for disaster, it is because he is often unstrategic about what he reveals." I like the rest of the article, but this seems almost like the definition of confirmation bias.
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It seems like this parallels the need for encryption. I don't over-share in meatspace for the same reason that I don't deliberately make myself vulnerable in cyber-space.
I agree, but, I also wonder if some of this 'it is okay to share' is because of social media's influence on what is acceptable to disclose.
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I’m really turned off by football discussions. Thankfully tech isn’t very sports oriented or I would have problems at lunch.
At one point, I was pretty good at talking about soccer without ever seeing full game basically. I just repeated things other people said about same match or situation before. It seemed to be enough for casual discussion.
There is a backlash to this ancient mode of thinking. It's called Conscious Leadership and it's predicated on the idea that vulnerability brings better results and that you need a safe environment for the dynamic to flourish. Some of it sounds very new-agey but from what I've read and experienced it has really good fundamentals.
That's very naive though. Eventually there will be someone around who is politically motivated or otherwise adversarial, and then your safe space is gone and everyone who exposed themselves remains exposed. No matter how much we want the new-agey stuff to work, it just doesn't because it requires everyone to play by its rules, which doesn't happen in reality.
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> So, being honest paid off for her? The article describes how her openness almost cost her the job offer. In the author's opinion, she made a mistake by being open about her insecurities in a job interview. I've worked with people who are probably too open about their insecurities. I think you can be open about what you don't know without saying things like "I don't know if I can do this job." Frankly, I don't reall…
I don’t know. It might be just me, but when hiring, I fall for honesty. Corporate talk fools no one.
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Maybe it was her focus on her fears that was an issue? If she'd simply said, "This project is really ambitious" then maybe everyone would have agreed? It is possible to be honest about the risks of a given strategy, without turning the conversation into a discussion of your personal fears and discomforts, yes?
I don't think I agree. Being fearful about specifics - she was talking about making sure servers don't lag, loads, etc. - is actually a green flag when hiring. It applies to CEOs too. I remember reading - can't find it back sorry - a ML study that shows a reverse correlation about how optimistic a CEO appears in the video of quarterly meeting and stock performance.
For emphasis, I would add, if a woman says, "I'm really scared and overwhelmed by this task" then it is possible that she is sharing too much. But managers should recall that she is perhaps simply trying to create a friendship. It isn't automatically an expression of a lack of confidence.
If you never feel overwhelmed and a bit of nerveous, then you never really challenged yourself and play it too safe. Or just lie about your feelings. I am not sure why saying something like that is seen as worst then overconfidence and acting sure when you dont know what you are doing. The latter does more harm.
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Is it? If it is, why am I so frequently interpreted as playing the victim card when I am displaying my badass scars? Or even simply telling it like it is about my actual life experiences?
Maybe it's the way you tell them. With engineers, a little explicitness goes a long way, and will generally be accepted - unless you're being patronising and telling them something they already know. So try saying "I'm not saying this to gain any sympathy or anything like that, but I had a similar experience, which was... and what it taught me / how it made me stronger was..." I mean that's kind of a stilted template…
I still don't think that makes it fair to assume the woman in the article wasn't doing something similar. We don't have her side of the story. We have someone else's version of events.
Also: A man telling a woman that her observations about her own experiences aren't valid and she just must be doing it wrong has a not nice name because it is not nice behavior. Which may be apropos of nothing if you happen to be female and just failed to say that.
Either way, I wasn't asking for advice, I was giving testimony, so your comment is guilty of treating me like a victim when I wasn't playing the victim card at all, just testifying from firsthand experience.
I'm 40, and some of my coworkers are like 25. I'm about two management levels above the basic engineers, but we're a small company and everyone knows everyone. So I'm having lunch with some of the engineers, and one of them shares out of the blue that she regrets getting a computer science degree at her (good) college, and thinks she should've gone into business instead. And my immediate thought is, "For god's sake,…
> I'm someone who has a big say in your career prospects. No, you have a big say in their progression within one specific organization. Their career prospects overall are up to them. Frankly, I will quit a boss who acts like they own my career. (Separately: Your undergrad degree is what you make of it. There is no worthless education, only worthless application of that education into your life.)
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> lack of confidence Hide your doubts, smile and act confident and you'll be OK most of the time... ..but when it fails it can lead to disasters, especially if entire teams are engaging in this behavior.
Not sure if you're being funny, but I disagree that we should hide our doubts or insecurities. I know it sounds contrary to what you want to do in that moment, though. However, don't exaggerate or emphasize them too much either, but rather get in the mindset of wanting to become better at the skill/subject, and display that mindset. I'd think much higher of a person who did that than someone who pretends everything i…