Earlier quoted context omitted.
Isn't that means-tested?
It is Miranda-tested in the US.
This article asserts that means testing is applied in at least some circumstances. https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/03/12/you-ha...
Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming
121–130 of 172 posts
Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming
#122Earlier quoted context omitted.
How grossly manipulative
So much so that some of it appears bordering on psychopathy: concentrate on the colours in someone's eyes to pretend you care about what they're saying, indeed!
As opposed to staring at your lap or the middle distance to demonstrate how you couldn't give a flying rat's ass about them?
Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming
#123Earlier quoted context omitted.
How grossly manipulative
> How grossly manipulative Thanks for this. It's interesting to see that the main comment threads are: - how interrogations leverage psychological manipulation to divulge information - how to use verbal and visual tricks - tabeth pointing out how people perceive social interactions as insincere Yet a lot of people claim that it's ok to deploy psychological manipulation when your intentions are "good". It's been said…
The ends do not justify the means, rather the means determine the ends you get. And if the means you use are a complete and obvious disinterest in other people...
Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming
#124Concepts I've found effective and powerful:
* Given them your attention and listen closely. Ask considerate questions.
* Practice empathy. People usually don't want advice, they most often simply want someone else to understand their experiences. If they are open to advice and you have a tidbit of wisdom, share it kindly and with obvious humility
* Channel your optimistic/zen side. All bad experiences are temporary, we can't change the past, and our mindset greatly affects how we actually feel about any scenario. The future is in front of us, how do we want to proceed? These attitudes can be contagious as well.
* Try to find common ground, even if you don't share their viewpoint. With a stranger, there isn't usually a foundation of rapport and mutual understanding to support adversarial debate.
* If you strongly disagree, respectfully acknowledge what they have said, and then shift to a more amicable topic (unless they specifically ask for your view)
* Pay close attention to body language and other subtle cues. Listen to what is not being said. Keep in mind all relevant context. The specific words that are spoken usually reflect a small portion of the actual information being communicated.
Practice, practice, practice. These skills come naturally for some, but we can all use improvement. Being actively mindful of these aspects of communication/social interaction is valuable for anyone.
Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming
#125These techniques are very similar to those used in social engineering.
In order to social someone, you need to get them to trust you. Charm, charisma, and likeability are all related and essential when you want to get something out of someone. That may sound transactional and it is.
Unfortunately, I’ve realized that no one is a friend to you out of the goodness of their heart. That simply does not exist anymore.
Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming
#126Any good book recommendations on engaging small talk and authentic first impressions? I’m headed to a weeklong NYE retreat that has a tendency to dredge up high school cafeteria level social anxieties.
You just have to realize that small talk, especially among those who don’t know each other well, is stateless. There is no beginning and no end. It’s just talking for the sake of killing time, introducing yourself, etc...
Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming
#127Any good book recommendations on engaging small talk and authentic first impressions? I’m headed to a weeklong NYE retreat that has a tendency to dredge up high school cafeteria level social anxieties.
A while back I read Never Eat Alone [0], and found it to be fruitful for framing casual social interactions. Additionally, most other people do not look forward to "mindless smalltalk with strangers". Since it's possible that everyone in the group shares equal anxiety about being there, you can provide a gift to them by asking pointed questions. If it's easy for them to answer, and gives something interesting for eve…
I like your suggestion but I am not sold on you asking about what someone's favorite documentary is in work situations. You generally want to avoid discussing politics in work situations. How do you cope with that? Has it ever lead to awkward situations?
Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming
#128Earlier quoted context omitted.
Of course, if you do these things wrong you've just plunged yourself into the uncanny valley, and are now creepy.
It's a fine line, isn't it? Ha! You're correct of course. To anyone with fear of being creepy: my good friend shared a video with me recently on vulnerability. It forced me to rewire my brain: https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability One item I'd add to the article on being charming: be vulnerable . Vulnerability is relatable, it's genuine.
Nothing is genuine if you're doing it deliberately. The longer an interaction goes on, the more likely you are to be incongruent.
Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming
#129Earlier quoted context omitted.
You also have to accept the possibility of being creepy. People have varied and different responses to things and there is no way to 100% eliminate the possibility that any given person sees you as a threat to their safety. All you can do is take reasonable precautions so that a reasonable person would not be creeped out. Keep in mind that "reasonable" is culturally-dependent, so you should pay attention to the local…
Someone once told me that the way they can always tell if someone is an American traveling abroad in their country is that they always have this stupid shit eating grin on their face and most everyone else keeps a neutral expression. If you are out of your cultural element, you can cross the line into apparent insincerity with surprising ease. Always know thyself.
Many Londoners (or Australians living in London) find that expression somewhat charming. Just don't talk to strangers on the tube.
Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming
#130One tip mentioned is to raise your eyebrows. As example: when you first meet someone, raise your eyebrows slightly (or one), smile, and tilt your head and greet them. Making someone else feel special makes you charming. Along the same lines: I find that voice cadences, and inflection, work pretty well for being charming! Take time to enuncicate the whole sentence you want to say, throw emotion into your words. And if…
How grossly manipulative
Manipulative, maybe. But why grossly? All you are doing is making the other person feel good. It should be encouraged and celebrated. If you have a choice between making someone feel neutral, or feel great, why wouldn't you choose great?