> These days, people feel increasingly under fire. We have to watch what we say
To second what some other folks've said: (AFAIK) this is what non-white-males experience.
I think what they're missing, then, is that there are people out there who know what to do - minorities who've felt this and dealt with it. Find them and listen?
> It shouldn't be a rush to spot someone saying the wrong thing or trying to catch someone doing something inappropriate.
Those people need to attack behavior, not people. Just so, your issue is not with the movement and this new awareness, but some folks behaving with mean spirit.
> When ideas can't be discussed, pressure builds.
> It's feeling like people aren't allowed to have flaws.
"Everything goes wrong when you stop asking questions"
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I think a solid meta-principle for your everyday interactions is to "look for ways to hand power to the other person"; unbalanced power is inherent to sexual harassment - so balance it.
A simple application is in conversation: look for opportunities to let someone else talk. This is you handing power to them. Other examples include "How do you imagine [this] working?", "Would you like to make this decision?", etc. Notice all my examples are questions. What's neat is that this also works as an enabler; a way to use your privilege to empower someone else, regardless of if you have anything to do with their disempowerment. It's great!
If you're still worried... Honestly, contact your local kink scene and ask for a (non-sexual) consent workshop. They're the people that probably spend the most time both thinking about and practicing consent and can have really excellent exercises and advice.
And for the people you're still worried about? Deal with them like you deal with anyone else who's toxic, because they probably are.
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> How should we act in an era when one mistake will haunt us forever?
There's "mistakes" and there's "fucking up". Don't fuck up. If you make a mistake, find a way to apologize and talk about; and spend some time to make sure you're doing that part right. Remember: Everything goes wrong when you stop asking questions.
> It's feeling like people aren't allowed to have flaws.
Don't have flaws that you're not dealing with. When you find a flaw, start dealing with it. If the people who're in your life don't respond well to you trying to deal with your mistakes and the flaws that led to them, I'd bet they're not the sort of people who you should have in your life.
YMMV, and everything (AFAIK) changes when you become rich/powerful/famous enough to be a target.
Anyway! Thanks for sharing, and those are some of my thoughts.
PS - For me at least, politics mostly falls into two categories: "Tolerance is a peace treaty", and everything else. One of these we can talk about over lunch. The other we can talk about while you're leaving.
PPS - If you're worried about the difference between "fucking up" and "making mistakes", go actually read the shit Weinstein pulled. Puts it into perspective.