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Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

economist.com

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Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#41

Post by throwaway413 »

dazc wrote: post #24
throwaway413 wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We moved to a new city. I work full time (from home) as a SWE. She is a stay at home mom. She met new people on IG in our new city, made friends. I thought it was great. My wife has a hole deep inside her from years of childhood abuse. She has no career, is early 20s like myself, and has yet to figure herself out. As the months went by, she filled that hole more and more with her connections on IG and less with our f…

So all she needs now is 4K a month? Have you thought of what you'll do when she hits reality and comes back begging for forgiveness?

I bounce between forgiving and forgetting - and telling her to fuck off.

And 4K just for bills. Not including the every-other-day $200 trip to Whole Foods for shit to juice.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#42

Post by hux_ »

timthelion wrote: post #19

I believe that social media is a symptom, not the cause, of the great loneliness that our modern aloneness has caused. We are alone much of the time, especially in American suburbia. Even when we are in the city filled with people, these people are just blank faces whom we do not know. We are seeking any form of connection that we can get. And when the only connection to others that we have is through the computer, w…

The cause is 30-40 years of a mindless consumption culture. It has given us growth but at a price. The good news is we it seems to be hitting it limits. And that's when things change. For the better.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#43

Post by throwaway413 »

rndgermandude wrote: post #23
throwaway413 wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We moved to a new city. I work full time (from home) as a SWE. She is a stay at home mom. She met new people on IG in our new city, made friends. I thought it was great. My wife has a hole deep inside her from years of childhood abuse. She has no career, is early 20s like myself, and has yet to figure herself out. As the months went by, she filled that hole more and more with her connections on IG and less with our f…

wow, just wow. What about the kid or kids? If she got IG addicted to the point that she didn't even mind you leaving her...

Yeah I mean she wants max free time so lucky me, I get 5 evenings a week with my child and weekends. Basically a free babysitter at this point while I work.

The funny thing is that the IG clique she’s in is ALL stay at home moms...being a mother is a big part of their identity. The irony that they are all completely not present in their realities with their children is totally lost on them. You really couldn’t write this shit.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#44

Post by timthelion »

hux_ wrote: post #42
timthelion wrote: post #19

I believe that social media is a symptom, not the cause, of the great loneliness that our modern aloneness has caused. We are alone much of the time, especially in American suburbia. Even when we are in the city filled with people, these people are just blank faces whom we do not know. We are seeking any form of connection that we can get. And when the only connection to others that we have is through the computer, w…

The cause is 30-40 years of a mindless consumption culture. It has given us growth but at a price. The good news is we it seems to be hitting it limits. And that's when things change. For the better.

While I hate consumerism, I wonder why you say that it has caused our loneliness. Wouldn't it be possible to buy large numbers of board games, and other social goods while not becoming isolated? It actually seems to me that consumption is for the most part social. I mean, if I spend all day at home on reddit, what do I need to buy besides cereal and soylent powder? But if I'm going out all the time, I'll buy clothing to keep up with the local fashions, I'll buy wine to bring as a gift, ect. Even the constant home improvement, that basement cinema and the pool room, are initially understood as social purchases. "We need this patio so we can have parties." "I'm gona invite all my friends over and we'll play X-Box."

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#45

Post by throwaway413 »

Al-Khwarizmi wrote: post #35
throwaway413 wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We moved to a new city. I work full time (from home) as a SWE. She is a stay at home mom. She met new people on IG in our new city, made friends. I thought it was great. My wife has a hole deep inside her from years of childhood abuse. She has no career, is early 20s like myself, and has yet to figure herself out. As the months went by, she filled that hole more and more with her connections on IG and less with our f…

Wow. This is a really sad story. I'm really sorry for you and hope you can get over this and find a better partner. Are you forced by the courts to pay her that $4K+/month? Because it would probably be better (not only for you, which is obvious, but for her) if you didn't.

No, we haven’t gone to court, no alimony or payments - luckily she wants to avoid it because her parents had a very messy divorce in her childhood.

I pay for her because honestly I’m scared of the lifestyle my child will live. She doesn’t work. She makes no money. She would be on the streets honestly. Doesn’t speak to either of her parents.

I recently emptied our joint bank account save $100. She flipped. Every time I cut her off more she gets more and more spiteful. So I’m in the process of cutting the lease on her house. Of selling the car. It’s just gonna take time, but I’m trying to avoid the court as well. Not that I have done literally anything wrong - I’m not scared of a judge ruling anything in her favor. I just want to avoid any chance of being in that situation though. Seeing I have about a lot more per year more to lose than she does...

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#46

Post by watwut »

throwaway413 wrote: post #16
PuffinBlue wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Can you expand on this? I don't really understand how x lead to y as i don't have much idea about social media addiction at all or its effects.

We moved to a new city. I work full time (from home) as a SWE. She is a stay at home mom. She met new people on IG in our new city, made friends. I thought it was great. My wife has a hole deep inside her from years of childhood abuse. She has no career, is early 20s like myself, and has yet to figure herself out. As the months went by, she filled that hole more and more with her connections on IG and less with our f…

A lot of it has a lot to do with what it is like to be stay at home and being socially isolated, imo. The problem would exist without IG still, it would just manifest differently. They could be real life friends and it could be exactly the same thing. When one of you is at home and the other most of the time at work and both of you have completely different lifestyle, the relationship with people who understand you and are there is more alluring.

Except the one sided polygamy thing, that is plain old cheating. Through, I don't get why you did not divorced? You would still have to play for children, unless you fight to have them with you (or dual care), but chances are it would be less then you pay now. She is in early 20s you say, so it is not like she would be really dependent on your money cause she sacrificed career or something. Frankly, it sounds like the best thing for her would be for you to stop paying her bills.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#47

Post by codingdave »

timthelion wrote: post #19

I believe that social media is a symptom, not the cause, of the great loneliness that our modern aloneness has caused. We are alone much of the time, especially in American suburbia. Even when we are in the city filled with people, these people are just blank faces whom we do not know. We are seeking any form of connection that we can get. And when the only connection to others that we have is through the computer, w…

Teenagers have always felt a need to connect with others. Social media allows you to think you are fulfilling it without actually engaging with other people. When I was that age, I had to get up and go out. And I spent time with lots of other teenagers, which also taught me to figure out who I liked and didn't, what I liked to do, and what I did not. FWIW, when my grandpa was that age, living on a farm, he'd hitchhike across Nebraska to meet other teenagers. Every generation has its own version of what they did to meet other kids their age.

That is my real concern - nobody lives a perfect life or is perfectly happy as a teenager. But you take action to find a better life, and grow in those years, on multiple levels, and come out of it having developed into the person you will really be. So who will these kids be who spent those formative years staring at devices? I really don't know... is it just a new flavor of the same growth, or will it be different?

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#48

Post by throwaway413 »

PakG1 wrote: post #40
throwaway413 wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We moved to a new city. I work full time (from home) as a SWE. She is a stay at home mom. She met new people on IG in our new city, made friends. I thought it was great. My wife has a hole deep inside her from years of childhood abuse. She has no career, is early 20s like myself, and has yet to figure herself out. As the months went by, she filled that hole more and more with her connections on IG and less with our f…

Feel for you. Can't imagine what to do in that situation. Can totally imagine how social media enabled a lot of that. I'm in a similar situation where my wife joined me in China because my job is over here. She's making a go of it focusing on studying and learning the language at the local university. She's really focused hard, all I ever see her do is study. So far she's happy, but sometimes I worry that she'll beco…

I can relate to that, and hope you both find some great friends to build your support network. You hit it on the head, though, that they need to be emotionally healthy people. That’s where my wife went wrong. She befriended people who were not, are not emotionally healthy.

And no, no alimony. No court order. Just trying to figure out how to cut her off in the right way. We are used to a pretty lavish lifestyle and honestly I just feel bad for her. I need to not.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#49

Post by watwut »

throwaway413 wrote: post #45
Al-Khwarizmi wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Wow. This is a really sad story. I'm really sorry for you and hope you can get over this and find a better partner. Are you forced by the courts to pay her that $4K+/month? Because it would probably be better (not only for you, which is obvious, but for her) if you didn't.

No, we haven’t gone to court, no alimony or payments - luckily she wants to avoid it because her parents had a very messy divorce in her childhood. I pay for her because honestly I’m scared of the lifestyle my child will live. She doesn’t work. She makes no money. She would be on the streets honestly. Doesn’t speak to either of her parents. I recently emptied our joint bank account save $100. She flipped. Every time…

Did you spoke to the lawyer? The judge ruling in her favor would not be worst for you then it is now. If she risk being homeless, the child might even end up with you. In which case you dont have to fear irregular lifestyle you fear now. And if you ended up with shared custody, you would still have more control over what is going on with kid, was able to intervene sooner and still did not had to pay as much as you pay now.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#50

Post by taway_1212 »

timthelion wrote: post #44
hux_ wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The cause is 30-40 years of a mindless consumption culture. It has given us growth but at a price. The good news is we it seems to be hitting it limits. And that's when things change. For the better.

While I hate consumerism, I wonder why you say that it has caused our loneliness. Wouldn't it be possible to buy large numbers of board games, and other social goods while not becoming isolated? It actually seems to me that consumption is for the most part social. I mean, if I spend all day at home on reddit, what do I need to buy besides cereal and soylent powder? But if I'm going out all the time, I'll buy clothing…

Consumerism requires very high prioritisation of one’s career (as otherwise you won’t be able to afford all the nice stuff), which means working very hard, moving around the country/world for better jobs etc. This must come at the cost of friendships and family bonds.
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