Sounds like a sociopath rather than a jerk. I hire sociopaths, fire jerks
> I hire sociopaths
Good luck with that strategy.
How to Tell If You’re a Jerk
31–40 of 58 posts
Re: How to Tell If You’re a Jerk
#32Earlier quoted context omitted.
You don't have to be assertive to be a jerk... ...in fact, I'd say it's the people who correlate assertiveness with jerkiness that are in fact most often jerks.
Would love to hear more about why you think that.
Assertive people tell jerks to stop crap openly and jerks then feel like someone is getting in their way. Either you stopped the jerk, made him feel bad or just made his/her act public. And they dislike it. Most jerks think that what they do is their god given right, therefore logically, assertive person must be the one who is jerk. Logic.
Meanwhile, non jerks are fully aware that cutting line or being aggressive to dog is not polite or fair. So, even when non-jerk cuts that line because some reason, non-jerks is aware that others have right not to like it and dont assume objection makes you a jerk.
Re: How to Tell If You’re a Jerk
#33Earlier quoted context omitted.
Just from the examples given, it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong... I like to take Teddy Roosevelt's mantra to heart; walk softly and carry a big stick. You can bend and bend and bend, and nobody will appreciate it - they just get all upset and pissy when you put your foot down and draw the line. Probably I'm a jerk.
I'm a jerk, but primarily in the face of unbalanced power or other people being jerks (or blatant unfairness). People typically love or hate me, but it's usually relevant to their own actions. Maybe it comes from being picked on as a kid, I like to stand up for the little guy.
> Maybe it comes from being picked on as a kid, I like to stand up for the little guy.
Isn't that the opposite of being a jerk? Like, isn't that being kind?
Re: How to Tell If You’re a Jerk
#34I recently had a baby, and the self-realization that I am a jerk became very clear when I thought about the world. Let me explain: From a young age, growing up in Queens, I quickly learned the value of being a jerk/asshole as a deterrent for getting "jumped" for my jacket/sneakers. The idea was: kids mugging other kids would go for easy targets. Even an inkling of belief that someone would put up a fight was a disinc…
Just from the examples given, it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong... I like to take Teddy Roosevelt's mantra to heart; walk softly and carry a big stick. You can bend and bend and bend, and nobody will appreciate it - they just get all upset and pissy when you put your foot down and draw the line. Probably I'm a jerk.
FWIW, it's "Speak softly and carry a big stick" and Roosevelt meant in in reference to U.S. foreign policy. Specifically, negotiate peacefully, but with the threat of the U.S. military when necessary.
More generally, I take it to mean: act restrained when possible, using your power quietly and only when needed.
Re: How to Tell If You’re a Jerk
#35Are you surrounded by fools and non-entities, by people with bad taste and silly desires, by boring people......
If this is how the world regularly looks to you, then I have bad news. Likely, you are the jerk. This ....is not how the world actually is.
Could be. Or you could be surrounded by boring people with bad taste. Can we say honestly say those don't exist? Or don't exist in large groups?
Except when it's truly necessary to provoke some change there isn't generally an excuse for unkindness though. But that doesn't mean the company of boring people and fools is worth seeking out and we shouldn't have to pretend that they don't have those attributes.
As with so many other things jerk is a matter of perspective. If the fact I do judge inwardly if the company of a group or individual is worth my time makes me a jerk then whatever. I do try to be kind and polite to the best of my ability though.
Re: How to Tell If You’re a Jerk
#36Looks like they just re-published their article from a year ago: http://nautil.us/issue/40/learning/how-to-tell-if-youre-a-je...
Good catch, it is. That article got submitted 6 times (search for "How to Tell If You’re a Jerk"). Although back then it didn't spark much debate that makes it a dupe on nautil.us and HN.
Re: How to Tell If You’re a Jerk
#37Interesting tidbit: Sweethearts also seem clueless to the presence of jerks, offering concessions to, and excuses for jerk behavior. Question: what's with jerks teaming up? How does jerk signaling work, such that it attracts jerks-of-a-feather, when jerks in the wild are found joining forces?
A theory of Jerkodynamics: The only people who will hang around jerks tend to either be other jerks with the same problem, or people too insanely nice to set boundaries and tell the jerks to get bent.
This "theory of jerkodynamics" as you call it was actually fleshed out in this great post: http://siderea.livejournal.com/1230660.html
> ...If you unwittingly have been repelling non-assholes, you will get the impression that everyone is an asshole, because you're still surrounded by plenty of people, but everyone left – that is everyone you come into contact with – is, in fact, an asshole.
> ...An asshole filter is a situation one creates that causes non-assholes to reduce contact with you at a disproportionate rate (like at all) than assholes...
> ...An asshole filter happens when you publicly promulgate a straitened contact boundary and then don't enforce it; or worse, reward the people who transgress it...
It goes on to frame "jerk-ness" in terms of "transgressiveness":
> The concept of transgressiveness is one of the most powerful lenses I know with which to look at people's behavior – possibly because it is is a perspective so absent from our culture. It is a phenomenon that is real, but for which we have no words – except "asshole". When we call someone an asshole, pragmatically speaking what we're usually trying to express is that that person transgresses others' boundaries. We might also say, if asked to explain, that the person so described is selfish, in that they want to get their way even (or especially) at the expense of others; we might describe them as rude or disrespectful, meaning that their conduct shows contempt for others' boundaries.
Re: How to Tell If You’re a Jerk
#38This article seems to focus on your default response to someone new is that they're not worth your time or energy. Are you still a jerk if you think over time someone has acted in a way that deserves that response?
Re: How to Tell If You’re a Jerk
#39Shock, HN users are jerks
Re: How to Tell If You’re a Jerk
#40Sounds like a sociopath rather than a jerk. I hire sociopaths, fire jerks
I agree with this. There’s a difference, though it’s a fine line, between those who have jerky tendencies as the result of a highly focused or driven personality and those who derive enjoyment from just being a jerk.
>There’s a difference, though it’s a fine line, between those who have jerky tendencies as the result of a highly focused or driven personality and those who derive enjoyment from just being a jerk.
Why not both?