111–120 of 178 posts
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I can think of plenty where it's appropriate. Again it's about context.
Well the context in this case (per the article) is the workplace, and the article appears to focus on the US, to disambiguate the laws and norms expected.
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Allow the following thought experiment: would you call a co-worker who is non-white "brownie"? "Sweetie" has that connotation nowadays. I can try to sympathetic to what seem like onerous rules, but refraining from "sweetie" seems like the least of problems.
Sweetie has no such connotation amongst the people I have worked with. This is exactly the problem. It's all about context which the metoo campaing completely destroys by equalizing everything.
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I'm curious: would you call a man sweetie?
No just like I wouldn't call a girl bro or dude or m8. I see no issue in saying that to someone and have never had any problems saying it to the women I have been working with or know. I am well aware of when to do that and when to not. Yet now it's suddenly become an issue because some consider it sexual abuse.
Married couples call each other "sweetie", as do parents their children. It's not an appropriate term to use with co-workers (either male→female or female→male, both of which I've heard).
I've overstepped with women. Women have overstepped with me. There is definitely a graciously wide gray area of "That came out differently than I meant it." The key is to: 1. Understand your own intent when saying/doing something. 2. Consider the potential negative ways something you may say could be perceived. 3. Understand the additional social responsibility that comes with being someone's superior, explicit or im…
Number 2 is the problem, there are just so many ways that something innocent could be perceived as negative. Rather than expend that mental energy it's easier to just avoid saying anything at all.
I think the second order effects here are under appreciated. Ponder, which of these is overstepping? * Telling someone they look good today * Telling someone a very funny, yet lewd joke that you just thought up * Inviting someone for a drink after work * Telling someone they should dress better * Telling someone they are too uptight * Telling someone that, if they were nicer, they might get ahead more * Inviting a co…
- Telling someone they look good would be fine, except that person hears it repeatedly every day, everywhere from walking down the street to when they go to a restaurant to the extent that it greatly exceeds comments on the quality of your work. So it leads to a lot of doubt - "I get few comments on the quality of my work, but a ton of comments on my appearance. How does society value me?"
- Often lewd jokes objectify minority groups, and while they can be funny in the right context, when the minority member is the only one, or there is a power relationship, it's not appropriate. Imagine you were the only man on a team of women, and your boss kept telling day in and day out (really funny) jokes about how men are useless, only sit around and watch sports, get fat, etc. At first, sure, you might laugh but when you heard this day in and day out, it'd get old pretty fast - especially when you were going for a raise, or asking for a project. "How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work." Ha. Ha. Ha.
- Inviting someone for a drink is fine. If it's work, make it a group thing, there are easy ways to make this comfortable for everyone. And apply this to every outing - it makes it more comfortable for everyone.
- If you want people to dress better, make a dress code and refer to that.
- And don't tell people they are too uptight, it's not actionable. Address specific behavior.
- Telling someone to be nicer also isn't actionable - assume good intent in people. Address specific behavior.
- Parties, again just invite a few people. And invite their partner, if they have one.
Following this model, I have great friends from work - men and women. But it starts with treating people fairly.
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I think there might be a gray area, but it's probably less broad than people make it out to be.
I have found that it is possible to entirely avoid gray areas by abiding by very strict standards that avoid any possible misinterpretation. I have also found this makes me seem cold, rejecting and unapproachable. Establishing trust is a kind of bonding process. It involves taking risks. If you put nothing on the line, you don't bond. If you are never warm, trust is unlikely. If you are ever warm, confusion about int…
An aside, but regarding your "coldness." I don't think that's a problem. Most people I think even when they are "warm" aren't necessarily naive and too willing to trust although society stereotypes them that way.
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Sweetie has no such connotation amongst the people I have worked with. This is exactly the problem. It's all about context which the metoo campaing completely destroys by equalizing everything.
Alright, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that's just how it is for you. It does depends on the context, but when you interact with others outside your circle (or hire outside your circle), you have to be somewhat sensitive to their perceptions. I think that is just "human interaction 101."
I've been an owner of a company for years now and I've always followed a few simple rules with the women who work for our company: - I never, ever comment on their appearance, including new hairstyles, clothing, etc. - I refer to them as "women", never as "ladies" or "girls" or other nonsense. - No touching (hugs, etc.) with the exception of handshakes and high fives. - I don't engage in, or tolerate, any sexist, sex…
>I refer to them as "women", never as "ladies" or "girls" or other nonsense. Should we discriminate against people who come from a minority dialect where this is less common? >I don't engage in, or tolerate, any sexist ... conversations. Yes you do. Your comment to which I am replying advocates for sexism. >Incidentally I regularly break some of these rules with male employees, such as remarking on haircuts ("looking…
No matter what you say or do, someone will find a way to call it sexist.
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No just like I wouldn't call a girl bro or dude or m8. I see no issue in saying that to someone and have never had any problems saying it to the women I have been working with or know. I am well aware of when to do that and when to not. Yet now it's suddenly become an issue because some consider it sexual abuse.
The word you're looking for is "harassment", not "abuse". Married couples call each other "sweetie", as do parents their children. It's not an appropriate term to use with co-workers (either male→female or female→male, both of which I've heard).