The Depression Thing

Awareness around clinical depression is a lot better than it was just decades ago, and that's great for the millions who are clinically depressed. Yet I've been seeing us going down this destructive path of seeing all depression as a physiological condition, which is often not the case and delegitimizes actual issues that are causing a person to be depressed. I can tell because too often the answer is either "just eat/sleep/exercise better" or "see a therapist and get medicated". What wonderfully simple solutions to a complex problem.

In LA, my sort of city, the culture has an emphasis on being happy or "good" all the time. If someone asks you how you're doing and you reply "I'm doing okay", there's a good chance that person will cock an eyebrow and assume that something's wrong because you didn't say you were good or great. I suspect this is a phenomenon in a lot of places in America, but I think it's especially prevalent in SoCal where superficiality is through the roof. Sure, asking people about their day is mostly a form of social lubricant, but such language subtly tells the unconscious mind that something is socially wrong with broadcasting unhappiness of any kind.

In actually, I'd say the unconscious mind is correct in its interpretation; people generally don't want to help you, let alone hear what you have to say, if something is genuinely wrong with your life or even if it's merely hum-drum. This can even be true with your closest friends and family, and even if they are receptive, you may be motivated to be stoic in order to maintain your role in your circle. Nobody wants to be the one who has problems or is "crazy" because everyone knows deep down that opening up could mean you'll be treated as lesser than you were when you held it all in.

Social media is an amplification of this phenomenon. The vast majority of what you see on social media is people posting the very best of that they've got, creating a misleading image that they and everyone else are having splendid lives. Why aren't you one of those beautiful chiclet-teethed young people constantly traveling and partying? Something must be wrong if your life isn't like that. /sarcasm

Therapy is great, and medication can be great for those who really need it. It just sucks that we've not created a world for ourselves where we can talk to each other about our problems. It's not about providing solutions, but about being heard and understood by someone. Maybe sometimes people are depressed for real reasons, and telling them that their feelings are akin to a disease can serve to harm them rather than help. I believe I'm open to hearing out my friend's problems, but I know that they think they'll be a burden unto others and be outcast. This I assume from hearing my friends mention going to therapy, but they rarely if ever have anything particularly troubling or deep to say to me. It may not even be conscious, but instinctual, to want not to seem like a burden – for the consequences can be hard to bear.

It's about time we allow each other to be a burden every once and a while.

My entire life up until that point had been based around avoiding emotions. From chasing fame, money, success,drugs, sex, criticizing, creating drama, etc.

At the time I was consulting for a Peter Thiel backed startup focusing on finding alternative cures for western diagnosis.

I took what the doctors there were showing me and began to look at alternative perspectives.

What I found was shocking. That antidepressants didn't really work and outcomes for most people were pretty terrible in general.

The view of depression that is it is unfelt anger allowed me to begin to make more space to feel anger vs. stuffing it down or projecting it onto others. There has been a little research into this that doesn't contradict it.

I followed the experience of anger back inside and it opened up an entirely new part of my mind. I was able to see past events in my life where I was hurt and scared and shut down. And how I learned to supress my emotions.

Through a combination of psychedelics, breathwork and NARM therapy, I learned how to stay with my emotions and how to make space to heal older traumas when I was feeling triggered or overwhelmed.

I was able to be with even more extreme states like paranoia or psychosis and every time I'd go to the heart of the emotional experience, in the moment I'd find some unprocessed event from my life that needed attention.

So, yeah. That way of thinking was very useful for me and was supported by a variety of resources that helped me along the way. Including some psychiatrists, doctors, and therapists.

I take no medication and now have access to a very deep, soft, warm and loving center in myself that I had never experienced before.

If something happens (like my grandmother dying last month), and I noticed I'm feeling depresssed, I use those same tools and get closer to the hurt or pain vs my old default of numbing, avoidance, depression or mania.

I'm an N of 1, of course but I've been able to help other people do the same and this approach feels healthier and more useful than purely symptom management.

We are all unique, and I certainly have access to some exotic states of consciousness, but as I said I feel connected, loving, content, solid and welcoming of all emotions including love and happiness.

Happy to discuss more privately if you prefer: a@175g.com

Cheers.

Breathwork fitness. Breathwork, specifically Holotropic Breathwork, was developed by an Md as an alternative to LSD psychotherapy after prohibition began.

I'm happy to discuss more privately as I know these things can be very personal.

a@175g.com