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Why Happy People Cheat

theatlantic.com

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Re: Why Happy People Cheat

#131

Post by monochromatic »

tyingq wrote: post #41
monochromatic wrote: post #36

Priya cheats because Priya is not a good person. She cares more about having sex with some random truck driver than she does about the father of her children.

Most people I know well enough that they would tell me...have all done bad things for reasons they don't understand themselves. I think it is probably more complicated than "not a good person".

Everything human is more complicated than any verbal/written description of that thing. We’re complicated animals in a complicated universe.

That doesn’t make simplifying descriptions useless.

Re: Why Happy People Cheat

#132

Post by KGIII »

toomuchtodo wrote: post #88
KGIII wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That seems both impractical and likely to ruin any mood. Instead of, "Hold on, I have to get a condom." It is now, "Let's take you down to the clinic and get you tested!" Then, as they likely have multiple partners as well, you end up needing a constant stream of blood tests. In short, it's risky behavior. You can do it, it's not up to me to judge. But, it seems like a lot more work than just committing to one person…

> That seems both impractical and likely to ruin any mood. Of partners my partner and I have dated together, all appreciated the sentiment and none of them turned down getting tested before festivities. No one has said no, nor thought it was an awkward request. Your mileage may vary. > You can do it, it's not up to me to judge. But, it seems like a lot more work than just committing to one person and remaining faithf…

Hmm... One of us has their wires crossed.

If you're just with a couple other people, I don't see that as cheating - so long as they're all okay with it. I see cheating as being with a different partner.

Unless I got confused, cheating was the subject?

That and, it's okay to have sex with multiple consenting people. You don't need my permission, of course. However, I've nary a problem with it. I've been in similar situations, where we shared and shared alike. It's all good, so long as everyone consents.

Re: Why Happy People Cheat

#133

Post by toomuchtodo »

KGIII wrote: post #132
toomuchtodo wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> That seems both impractical and likely to ruin any mood. Of partners my partner and I have dated together, all appreciated the sentiment and none of them turned down getting tested before festivities. No one has said no, nor thought it was an awkward request. Your mileage may vary. > You can do it, it's not up to me to judge. But, it seems like a lot more work than just committing to one person and remaining faithf…

Hmm... One of us has their wires crossed. If you're just with a couple other people, I don't see that as cheating - so long as they're all okay with it. I see cheating as being with a different partner. Unless I got confused, cheating was the subject? That and, it's okay to have sex with multiple consenting people. You don't need my permission, of course. However, I've nary a problem with it. I've been in similar sit…

We might have been talking passed each other. Apologies for the misunderstanding.

Re: Why Happy People Cheat

#134

Post by emodendroket »

zzalpha wrote: post #129
emodendroket wrote: post #126

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What I'd say is that such institutions help temper the view that the self and short-term utility for the self are the ultimate good.

Again, that presupposes a different set of values. Consider common American Evangelical beliefs that focus on praying for specific material or personal gain (such as good health). This is nothing more than religion blended with "the cult of the individual". As such, I have little reason to believe those institutions would create better outcomes.

I think in all but the most extreme cases, even then, there will be an interest in the health and well-being of the whole community, prayer lists for parishioners who are ailing, and so on. Perhaps not for the TV guys who preach out of converted sports arenas but I think it's a little questionable if that really represents a community.

Re: Why Happy People Cheat

#135

Post by colanderman »

colanderman wrote: post #32
simonsarris wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

When I look at polygamous/polygynous societies today and in history, I'm not sure I see "social progress." In fact, for whatever its pitfalls may be, it appears that monogamy solves a large number of social ills that are perhaps larger than polygyny's own. Like large bands of males cast out with no prospects, so they resort to not-so-progressive behavior. Like the vikings: 'Polygyny created a pool of unmarried men mo…

> it appears that monogamy solves a large number of social ills that are perhaps larger. Like large bands of males cast out with no prospects, so they resort to not-so-progressive behavior. So the acceptable "solution" to this imbalance is to socially force (through normalization of monogamy and marriage) women into relationships with less-desirable men? Why shouldn't men be expected to be more attractive mates? Why…

Wow, seems I touched a nerve by mentioning the patriarchy! The GP claims that we ought to restrict women's choice in marriage to ensure each man a wife… amazing that this position seems to be considered unassailable here. Some reading for thought:

https://www.journal-fuer-psychologie.de/index.php/jfp/articl...

http://msmagazine.com/blog/2013/08/06/should-feminists-be-cr...

Re: Why Happy People Cheat

#136

Post by xxxdarrenxxx »

I sought professional help to deal with life influencing jealousy and doubts.

What helped me deal with this, is to find out that I undervalued myself and overtly dedicated myself to my partner.

Once you don't view your life as the relationship, but you and your relationship, u will be on a good track.

Most people will notice that if they meet a cute someone and don't see them for a few days, they don't occupy themselves with all these doubt too much.

It's when you sacrifice or throw a big part of yourself onto pleasing the other within an ensuing relationship, is when you lose yourself and become insecure and doubtfull.

Re: Why Happy People Cheat

#137

Post by sctb »

fictionfuture wrote: post #115

Feminism. Feminism causes this. Let me explain... simply, Evolutionary biology suggests women are hard wired to seek certain behaviors And characteristics in a man. Behaviors that suggest the man has many high quality female options; and characteristics that are Fundamentally manly, (like dominating in bed) feminists have changed culture to suggest that these characteristics are a bad thing. And most men are blindly…

This does not meet the bar for substantiveness on a controversial topic on Hacker News.

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

Re: Why Happy People Cheat

#138

Post by Retra »

betenoire wrote: post #81
Retra wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>I am going to be dead for a long effing time. See... I think that thought and I continue with "what does it matter if I'm only with one person? My contribution to the world is not going to be based on how sexually satisfied I am." I have whatever sex I need to get it off my mind so that I can work on my hobbies and interests without distraction. "I'm going to be dead" is just as much a reason to be miserable as it i…

If we agree that being happy is better than being miserable, and time is limited resource, then yeah, it is logical to favor and seek happiness over misery.

Being happy is better than being miserable, all else being equal. It's just that all else isn't equal.

There are things worth dying for. So naturally there are things worth being miserable for.

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