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Why Happy People Cheat

theatlantic.com

41–50 of 138 posts

Re: Why Happy People Cheat

#41

Priya cheats because Priya is not a good person. She cares more about having sex with some random truck driver than she does about the father of her children.

Most people I know well enough that they would tell me...have all done bad things for reasons they don't understand themselves.

I think it is probably more complicated than "not a good person".

Re: Why Happy People Cheat

#42
post #39

So affairs are 'wrong', but who would want to live in a world where there are no affairs? We excessively police and punish our partners, our friends' partners and our parents, but often hypocritically, when it comes to ourselves and our friends cheating will generally be forgiven. I am not even advocating abolishing the hypocricy. Without it affairs probably wouldn't be exciting and equally, faithful relationships wo…

Quite a lot of people, I'd think?

The mature thing to do is leave, or discuss your needs honestly. If the enjoyment comes from the risk then you're getting your kicks at someone else's expense. That's really selfish.

Re: Why Happy People Cheat

#44

I'm surprised by the moralistic comments and downvotes... EDIT: I removed the rest of the comment as it apparently offended many people.

Well, it's not "cheating" if you're with someone who doesn't mind. So you should make sure to be with someone who doesn't mind. If you don't, then you're really just being shitty and careless, so what is there to be surprised about?

Re: Why Happy People Cheat

#45
post #39

So affairs are 'wrong', but who would want to live in a world where there are no affairs? We excessively police and punish our partners, our friends' partners and our parents, but often hypocritically, when it comes to ourselves and our friends cheating will generally be forgiven. I am not even advocating abolishing the hypocricy. Without it affairs probably wouldn't be exciting and equally, faithful relationships wo…

>>what I can say is that for a woman this can be even worse, as it leaves them without something to be mad and and just feeling unvalued.

This appears to be sexist tripe.

Re: Why Happy People Cheat

#47
post #31

Just be polyamorous (see e.g. https://polyfidelity.org.au/about/polyamory/education/121-th... , http://slatestarcodex.com/2013/04/06/polyamory-is-boring/ ). If there is a need to have multiple partners instead of going the "traditional way" (one official partner + cheating or some shady don't ask don't tell arrangement) it seems much healthier to openly discuss needs and boundaries. We shouldn't just accept "system d…

Yup, if you don't want to do things the mono way, and everyone's on-board, why not!

The problems come when people promise one thing and do another...

Re: Why Happy People Cheat

#48
post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> it appears that monogamy solves a large number of social ills that are perhaps larger. Like large bands of males cast out with no prospects, so they resort to not-so-progressive behavior. So the acceptable "solution" to this imbalance is to socially force (through normalization of monogamy and marriage) women into relationships with less-desirable men? Why shouldn't men be expected to be more attractive mates? Why…

>> So the acceptable "solution" to this imbalance is to socially force (through normalization of monogamy and marriage) women into relationships If you read into polygamous societies, it's often that (particularly very young) women are forced into relationships with socially powerful men. Not much to do with attraction.

To me, that sounds like a problem caused by patriarchy or other power imbalances: in many societies, men have great power (earning potential), women have little, and hence are forced to marry (preferably the richest man) to gain power.

Of course you can address the symptom (women choosing the wealthier/more powerful men, leaving the men who are less-so without a mate), but the underlying disease remains: womens' choice whom to marry is hampered by lack of societal standing.

Better to address the disease (patriarchy). Women are no longer forced to marry "up" (addressing the power issues polygyny belies); men no longer are forced to focus on being earners, so those who would be low-status under patriarchy (due to lack of earning potential) can instead focus on developing other traits (e.g. homemaking) which would make them attractive to female earners.

Re: Why Happy People Cheat

#49
post #40

It's simple. Some people value an exciting encounter over their current relationship, people can have an addiction to the rush or have felt numb for too long. Over simplifying - there's nothing wrong with their current phone but some people will rush and buy the latest to get the buzz of a new gadget. They weigh the chance of getting caught and damage it will cause as lower than the excitement and fulfilment of a new…

I just want to give a name to this for whoever want to Google more: novelty seeking.

Re: Why Happy People Cheat

#50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Aside from that, there are some very legitimate practical concerns with poly relationships. STDs, for example.

That's easily solved with a blood test before you engage in a sexual relationship with additional partners.

That seems both impractical and likely to ruin any mood.

Instead of, "Hold on, I have to get a condom." It is now, "Let's take you down to the clinic and get you tested!"

Then, as they likely have multiple partners as well, you end up needing a constant stream of blood tests. In short, it's risky behavior.

You can do it, it's not up to me to judge. But, it seems like a lot more work than just committing to one person and remaining faithful to that one person.

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