One is enough for gods sake
Why Happy People Cheat
11–20 of 138 posts
Re: Why Happy People Cheat
#12I wish social experimentation and progress happened at even 5% of the speed of technological progress.. why don't we just get rid of the idea that you 'own' your partner's body? It seems arcane and based in insecurity. If you can't handle even the slightest of erotic competition, how solid can the basis of your relationship be? (Sorry for the overly controvesial wording if my post, I realize that filing more open rel…
In most cases, it is a violation of trust. There's a difference between an open relationship and someone violating your trust. Monogamy isn't based on ownership, it's based on trust. Open relationships are fine, but you should have willing partners.
Re: Why Happy People Cheat
#13TLDR; It is possible to like more than one individual. I for one doesn't understand why anyone would marry except for economical benefits/security. Personally, I would much rather have 2 or more girlfriends/partners who enjoy me and eachother than a marriage with one. Since I believe that the male sex drive is bigger than that of women, I don't understand why I should be limited to just enjoy one other woman. However…
> Since I believe that the male sex drive is bigger than that of women...
Your belief is not borne out by data. And for a long period in the West the opposite was the common belief.
In some countries like contemporary Iran, sex education includes the pleasure, needs and in-the-bed sexual equality of both partners (in Iran’s case to try to preserve conservative marriage and increase procreation — obviously there is not equality OUTSIDE the bed)
Re: Why Happy People Cheat
#14Infidelity is as natural as taking a shit. I think we're culturally indoctrinated to get worked up over infidelity, less so for defecating.
Re: Why Happy People Cheat
#15The reason it's ostensibly confusing is that the standard narrative of human sexuality—one sexual partner for life after getting married—is, forgive me, completely batshit insane. That's not to say that people haven't done it. People do, of course. And that's not to say that that's wrong or something, either. But the expectation of total 'fidelity' for life is unreasonable. For more on this subject I recommend the bo…
I think it's a waste of breath to promote or condemn one mode of relationship over another. All that matters is what you and your partner(s) agree on for the terms of your relationship.
It can matter for legal reasons. Like what legal rights come with recognition of the relationship.
Re: Why Happy People Cheat
#16Yeah, it might be able self discovery, but it might be about enacting a narcissistic fantasy. The author is right, you reconstruct yourself in the other's gaze, you slake your thirst with the other's mouth. But what kind of self are you constructing here? And what power will your own fantasies have over the person with whom you conduct the affair?
Re: Why Happy People Cheat
#17TLDR; It is possible to like more than one individual. I for one doesn't understand why anyone would marry except for economical benefits/security. Personally, I would much rather have 2 or more girlfriends/partners who enjoy me and eachother than a marriage with one. Since I believe that the male sex drive is bigger than that of women, I don't understand why I should be limited to just enjoy one other woman. However…
> Since I believe that the male sex drive is bigger than that of women... Your belief is not borne out by data. And for a long period in the West the opposite was the common belief. In some countries like contemporary Iran, sex education includes the pleasure, needs and in-the-bed sexual equality of both partners (in Iran’s case to try to preserve conservative marriage and increase procreation — obviously there is no…
I think I read some paper about homosexual men having the most sex and homosexual women the least, if that is true I think it would be data that suggests that my belief is correct.
But otherwise my belief is based on experience mostly.
Re: Why Happy People Cheat
#18I wish social experimentation and progress happened at even 5% of the speed of technological progress.. why don't we just get rid of the idea that you 'own' your partner's body? It seems arcane and based in insecurity. If you can't handle even the slightest of erotic competition, how solid can the basis of your relationship be? (Sorry for the overly controvesial wording if my post, I realize that filing more open rel…
When I look at polygamous/polygynous societies today and in history, I'm not sure I see "social progress."
In fact, for whatever its pitfalls may be, it appears that monogamy solves a large number of social ills that are perhaps larger than polygyny's own. Like large bands of males cast out with no prospects, so they resort to not-so-progressive behavior.
Like the vikings: 'Polygyny created a pool of unmarried men motivated to engage in risky behavior to increase wealth/status/prob of entering marriage market'
http://www.ehbonline.org/article/S1090-5138(16)30307-5/pdf
Or the Lost Boys: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lost_boys_(Mormon_fundamentali...
Or certain other religions and tribal areas that may promote such behavior today as a side ffect, which may promote other lost boys to, I don't know, join ISIS in hope of getting some of those dear wives of their own too, one way or the other.
Perhaps you file this under "not my problem." Maybe its not your problem, but it definitely presents a social problem, and you're suggesting that poly-* may be social progress. I don't think that plays out in history.
Re: Why Happy People Cheat
#19TLDR; It is possible to like more than one individual. I for one doesn't understand why anyone would marry except for economical benefits/security. Personally, I would much rather have 2 or more girlfriends/partners who enjoy me and eachother than a marriage with one. Since I believe that the male sex drive is bigger than that of women, I don't understand why I should be limited to just enjoy one other woman. However…
I would much rather have 2 girlfriends/partners There always seems to be at least one partner in these relationships singing their praise through gritted teeth.
I have no experience of such relationships so I cannot really say anything about it except that I want one :)
Re: Why Happy People Cheat
#20I wish social experimentation and progress happened at even 5% of the speed of technological progress.. why don't we just get rid of the idea that you 'own' your partner's body? It seems arcane and based in insecurity. If you can't handle even the slightest of erotic competition, how solid can the basis of your relationship be? (Sorry for the overly controvesial wording if my post, I realize that filing more open rel…
Traditionally the primary function of relationships is raising children, and monogamy is good at that. I don't see how shifting the focus from what is basically the foundation of our society towards doing what is fun and rewarding in the short term is a sign of social progress.