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You are not 'behind'

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Re: You are not 'behind'

#171

Post by puranjay »

tastyface wrote: post #52
jondubois wrote: post #8

For the past 10 years, I only spent about 4 to 8 hours per week on entertainment - All the rest of my time was divided between work and sleep (I only sleep 5 hours per day on weekdays). Financially, I have nothing to show for it unfortunately so I really feel like I'm behind and that I've missed the boat on many things. What makes it particularly difficult is that I was working really hard the whole time - When I rea…

For me personally, "being lazy" is awful because I'm stuck in a constant battle between my personality (which wants to mould to the shape of my couch and watch TV forever) and my mind (which desperately wants to leave a mark on the world). Every day I spend couch potatoing feels like a complete and utter failure of the soul, and it seems like most of my effort is actually spent on trying to bend my personality into t…

I'm very similar to you and grappled with the same issues.

What really changed for me was reading some Hindu philosophy. I'm Indian and Hindu by birth but have been agnostic pretty much all my life.

I looked into the philosophical component of Hinduism out of curiosity.

The heart of Hindu philosophy is in the Gita. The core idea of Gita is to "do your duty regardless of the results"

This is a belief I've now come to embrace wholeheartedly.

I've stopped bothering with the results. I've stopped bothering with what others are doing.

I only focus on what I CAN do - my duty - and forget about the rest.

Relinquishing control has been a great thing

Re: You are not 'behind'

#172

Post by DanHulton »

eddy_chan wrote: post #139
nexus2045 wrote: post #138

This feeling of behindness for me comes in the form of thinking that I have squandered my potential compared to someone my age who didn't mess up. I should have graduated in 2011, and could've been saving up significantly as a senior/staff/etc engineer at a BigCorp in Seattle/SF making a nice low 6 figure comp and be on my way to buying property with my SO. But instead I graduated 3 years late, worked at a string of…

A lot of people who get seduced to work in startupville should heed this guy. The cost is not only the difference in pay for the years you are working in startups but the fact that career progression inside a bigcorp is forgone (and that itself is worth a lot)

I dunno. I haven't met a bigcorp yet (including government) where you couldn't join in the middle of the ladder with a sufficiently impressive resume, and working at interesting startups on tech that a bigcorp might want to use is definitely a way to do so.

Re: You are not 'behind'

#173

Post by DanHulton »

subwayclub wrote: post #114
tastyface wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Oh man, I wish I knew how to better deal with that paralyzing regret . I'm turning 29 in a few months, and I've been spending the last ~5 years almost entirely trying (and usually failing) to work on major personal projects, solo. Sometimes I tally up all the months where I effectively did nothing and gape in horror. Usually I'm fine, but on some days, after seeing all the 25-year-old creators peddling their incredib…

I recognize a lot of myself from a few years ago in that (and I'm 32) and the main things that changed me in no particular order were: * Adopting a more deliberately Stoicism-inspired philosophy - whether or not I'm succeeding at my goal there will be another struggle waiting after that, so there isn't really an endpoint here other than my death or permanent incapacity. * Buying into feedback loops over goal-and-achi…

Huh. I was gonna type a lot of this, but you've saved me the trouble.

I did want to signal boost the stoicism part, though. There are a lot of good mental health practices available in modern stoicism that tend to appeal highly to nerds and other logical types. I can't recommend the following book enough: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0195374614/ref=pd_aw_sim_14_1...

I reread it every couple years and it has definitely helped a lot with my feelings of loss and "wasted time."

Oh, and getting older. It's incredible how much more mellow I feel at 37 than at 27.

Re: You are not 'behind'

#174

Post by atom-morgan »

foobarbecue wrote: post #19

Reading this made me realize that my regret usually targets the previous hours or day. Generally, if I look at the last month or year or decade, I'm impressed with what I've accomplished. And yet I'm always disappointed with my immediate past. I think this short-term regret may be the reaction mass I'm igniting to propel me forward. To borrow a phrase from finnthehuman above, this short-term regret is the fire lit un…

> Generally, if I look at the last month or year or decade, I'm impressed with what I've accomplished.

This is important for measuring personal progress. I like to think about it like a stock chart. Would I ever measure a company's performance just by looking at the 1 day or 5 day view? Nope. I need a bigger picture to get a better idea of the overall trend. I think measuring yourself on areas of improvement is no different. Some days will be great and some won't. But how are you trending across months/years? Apply to learning art, exercising, etc.

Re: You are not 'behind'

#176

Post by thallukrish »

In short, it is better to identify and drop things that would hang in your mind from actions you did. Sleep is the natural way to get rid of hangings. If it is worse and you cannot sleep, then meditation is a good way, though not a easy way.

Re: You are not 'behind'

#177

Post by dogruck »

dvfjsdhgfv wrote: post #64
enraged_camel wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>>99% of the world, and most of the US live their liveσ without ever having one in the bank anyway. Sure, but if you want to have real influence, you need lots of money. We are talking about things like owning media conglomerates and shaping the way the world thinks and behaves. That to me is a lot more interesting than having your own tiny slice of the pie and going through the motions until you die.

I still think it's overrated. Let's take Trump for example - he has both money and power (arguably more than mainstream media since he won in spite of them). Do you think he's happy? He doesn't seem to be. Would even more money and power make him happier? I doubt it.

Yes, I think POTUS Donny is happy.

Re: You are not 'behind'

#178

Post by dogruck »

fratlas wrote: post #71
dvfjsdhgfv wrote: post #64

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I still think it's overrated. Let's take Trump for example - he has both money and power (arguably more than mainstream media since he won in spite of them). Do you think he's happy? He doesn't seem to be. Would even more money and power make him happier? I doubt it.

I think Musk is a better example. Money is just a medium for him to change the world for the better. I'm sure being rich makes Musk happy, only because it enables him to make a difference.

Strange how if someone were to post here saying "I've made tons of money and accumulated enormous power, but some days I'm just not happy" they would be hit with a wave of empathetic responses.

But then those same empathetic people will speculate, "I can tell is totally unhappy -- idiot!"

Re: You are not 'behind'

#179

Post by didip »

tastyface wrote: post #52
jondubois wrote: post #8

For the past 10 years, I only spent about 4 to 8 hours per week on entertainment - All the rest of my time was divided between work and sleep (I only sleep 5 hours per day on weekdays). Financially, I have nothing to show for it unfortunately so I really feel like I'm behind and that I've missed the boat on many things. What makes it particularly difficult is that I was working really hard the whole time - When I rea…

For me personally, "being lazy" is awful because I'm stuck in a constant battle between my personality (which wants to mould to the shape of my couch and watch TV forever) and my mind (which desperately wants to leave a mark on the world). Every day I spend couch potatoing feels like a complete and utter failure of the soul, and it seems like most of my effort is actually spent on trying to bend my personality into t…

Many years ago I was like you, and then I discovered this nifty life hack:

Whenever I am in slouch mode, quick come up with the quickest home chore I haven't done. Vacuuming? Washing dishes? Cleaning dining table?

The quicker the chore could be done, the better. And as you about to finish it, come up with the 2nd one. After the 3rd time, your mind is awake and ready to do productive things, like a side project, etc.

It's like bicycle for your mind, the first couple strokes are always difficult.

Re: You are not 'behind'

#180

Post by Maro »

dominotw wrote: post #96
Maro wrote: post #21

Personally (I'm 36) I like the 'pressure' I receive all the time, from all over the place, like the ones mentioned in the article: why don't I have a six-pack, why am I not more 'perfect' with my g/f, why am I not working on my startup, why haven't I made a billion yet, why is Elon Musk so f---ing more productive, and so on. It shows me that more can be done, I could do more, it pushes me to do more. I realize it wou…

Sure you can ignore 'six pack' but you can't really igore is looming obsolesce in IT once you hit you 40's and 50's, you can't ignore is dwindling (biological) motivation and drive to learn and innovate. Ageism is real. Thats what really worries me, sure I like coding and learning now but what happens to me in my late 40's and 50's when I have to care for my parents and kids at the same time while tying to not become…

Not sure why you're getting downvoted, I empathize with this notion.

I think at all ages you have to leverage what you have. When you're young, you have a lot of energy, so you learn a lot and work a lot.

When you're older, hopefully you have a lot of money and a lot of experience, so you can (i) use the money to retire or pick what to work on, or bootstrap your own startup (ii) use the experience to become an Engineering Manager, Technical Product Manager, etc. That's _if_ you don't feel safe as an individual contributor, which is imo reasonable in areas where seniority has a short half-life (eg. front-end / web tech seems to be like this).

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