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I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

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Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#371

Post by gerbilly »

logfromblammo wrote: post #368
gerbilly wrote: post #321

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>As a transhumanist, I see the recent advertisement campaign for device-free dinners as an implicit accusation that devices necessarily inhibit interpersonal engagement rather than enhance it. They do inhibit it. I think it's funny that we live in this amazing world of sights, smells, movement, filled with other animals and humans with all sorts of physical and social activities to choose from, but instead we choose…

"Normal" social interactions establish a negative reward for certain people, myself included. If you have never been fat, ugly, some form of minority, or female, you might not have a good frame of reference for asymmetric social encounters. Perhaps people around you treat you with a higher default level of courtesy. I'm sure your games are more fun when you aren't always picked last for teams, and are not abandoned t…

Well I for one make it a point to call out people being rude to others when I see it. We are out there.

Don't let people get you down.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#372

Post by randlet »

yitchelle wrote: post #357
randlet wrote: post #257

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You make a rule. This isn't a technology problem.

My kids are the kind with the attitude that "rules are made to be broken", which I like. It's like the hacker's ethos almost.

Why bother having a rule if you're not going to enforce it? I agree that questioning authority is healthy, but people also are required to follow rules on occasion and it's your job to teach them how to do that. Using a technological solution to a discipline issue is a short term bandaid for a long time problem.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#373

Post by chiefofgxbxl »

chimprich wrote: post #355
chiefofgxbxl wrote: post #145

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Phones have indeed allowed people to both need and satisfy that need for constant stimulation. It's pretty sad. I'm the kind of guy in a coffee shop, waiting room, etc. who just stares into space glad that I owe my thoughts to myself and not my phone. But when everyone else has their phones out except for me, people probably think I'm a weirdo. And it's not just phones, mind you. It's televisions , also. I used to go…

> Phones have indeed allowed people to both need and satisfy that need for constant stimulation. It's pretty sad. Why is it sad? I think it's fantastic. It's the elimination of boredom and the ability to be interested, productive or entertained at any moment. It's not like anyone is forcing you to look at your phone. I'm quite capable of putting my phone away and staring into space if the mood takes me. Your communal…

It's a matter of opinion, and I agree to some extent that phones can allow people to be productive or feed a curiosity.

At the end of the day, though, I think the greatest thing that gets to me is its impulsiveness and form of instant gratification.

It's gotten so bad that people can't even put their phones down while driving. I've seen enough drivers texting, even if they are just stopped at a red light. Why we permit people to continue driving when they can't respect the notion of operating a several-thousand pound, gasoline-filled vehicle that can kill dozens of those around them is beyond me.

On a less extreme spectrum, sometimes when eating dinner with friends a question will be posed and someone will whip out their phone to look it up. Sure, having answers instantaneously is a benefit, but the drawback is also the loss in ability to take a moment to ponder the question... to come up with your one's own thoughts and exercise the mind, so to speak.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#374

Post by cirgue »

philh wrote: post #311
erikpukinskis wrote: post #139

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You're right. If you have other frequent means of socializing and dinner is just a time for food in mouths, then devices at the table aren't the end of the world. But there is a reason many people like to use dinner as a mandatory point of family social contact: it keeps you on a daily schedule. You can multitask: listening to stories while you chew. And it provides some resilience to changes. Like marriage, there is…

When I don't feel like socializing, I wouldn't want to have a dinner where I can't use my phone.

Do you not think that easily available distraction is a cause of and not a solution to this problem?

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#375

Post by ryanwaggoner »

dvdhnt wrote: post #347
mcdoh wrote: post #323

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think the difference is not that public school systems are being dismantled but that a higher percentage of private school parents value education and are engaged in their childrens' learning.

> a higher percentage of private school parents value education and are engaged in their childrens' learning It's just not true. Higher income families can afford to take more time off, especially salaried workers, and are often two-parent households. This gives those parents time that hourly-based workers, poor, or single-parent households literally can not afford to spare. They don't love or "value" their children'…

Wrong link, you're partially agreeing with the parent (they ARE less engaged), and I don't really buy that all parents at all socioeconomic levels believe in the power of education equally. I came from lower to middle socioeconomic levels and most of my peers came from families that DEFINITELY did not value education highly.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#376

Post by sedachv »

dvdhnt wrote: post #346
sedachv wrote: post #270

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I'm ashamed to admit that I like private schools, but wow, have they been good for my kids. Nothing to be ashamed about. You want the best for your children and private schools get more money. The problem is not that private schools are better, but that public schools are so much worse. The people feeling shame should be the politicians who have worked and continue to work to dismantle the public education system (…

> in large part motivated by religious fundamentalists seeking to replace public education with voucher-based religious schools This is preposterous. Public schools have been neutered by deep budget cuts by politicians of all parties who, along with their boosters, can afford to send their children to private schools. School budgets rely heavily on taxes (which politicians cut for political gain), state/federal grant…

> This is preposterous.

There is overwhelming evidence that this is exactly what the current United States Secretary of Education DeVos' motivations are:

http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2017/01/betsy-devos-chri...

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#377

Post by luckydude »

luckydude wrote: post #254

I'm a retired geek but I do tractor work, I just pulled a 14 hour day and I'm having some wine so salt heavily. In my opinion, the best thing you can do with kids is create boredom. If they have access to a shop, or some lumber, they will start to build stuff. If kids are bored and they turn that into building, that's the first step towards getting into a good undergrad school. Building stuff is good. The hard part,…

Wow - this blew up. Sorry, just got back from another 14 hour day of tractor work (it's 8-9 hours on the job but then there is prep like sharpen all the chainsaws and after prep of you have to grease the excavator. It's almost 9pm and I need to take a shower to get the dirt out and go to bed).

I would love to go through all this and reply, there are a lot of thoughtful comments here, some I agree with and some I don't. I'll try and get to them on Sunday, I know that's an eternity in internet time, it is what it is.

I love that this has generated a discussion, in the US we are so screwed because you can't talk about anything without in devolving into my team versus your team. We are so stupid. We should discuss stuff. As in look at a thing, see what is good, see what is bad, be engineers and make it more good. In the US right now, that is simply not a thing. We suck.

On the plus side, I'm making close to as much as I made as a successful CEO doing tractor work. Who knew that was a thing? It's hard work but I'm liking it.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#378

Post by jaiprabhu »

minipci1321 wrote: post #285
luckydude wrote: post #254

I'm a retired geek but I do tractor work, I just pulled a 14 hour day and I'm having some wine so salt heavily. In my opinion, the best thing you can do with kids is create boredom. If they have access to a shop, or some lumber, they will start to build stuff. If kids are bored and they turn that into building, that's the first step towards getting into a good undergrad school. Building stuff is good. The hard part,…

Taken literally (I think I can see what you mean), creating boredom will not work on all kids. Rather, providing a creative child with various tools/means/ways to amuse oneself might actually make him/her spend more and more time to use them, instead of going for the usual. One thing my father did for me was to install a small workshop (in our 2-bedroom apartment with 5 persons living, I'll let you imagine the reacti…

Suffering the same problems with technology with my 7 year old as so many other parents. I am inspired by your story to do the same for him. I too am in a 2 bedroom apartment. I would really appreciate if you can give some pointers on how one could go about creating such a workshop and any DYI magazine recommendations.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#379

Post by ddacunha »

citizenkeen wrote: post #7

'One of my favorite things you can do is plan a “device-free dinner.”' _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. We have a landline expressly to give out to emergency contacts. And dinner is tech free. Every night. I think the main problem is tech has made everything _else_ easier, but parenting harder, and parents ju…

Isn't the problem the same but with different technology? I remember families that had a no TV policy while other spent diner watching soap operas. I was surprised the first time I had diner at a friends place with his parents and there only was music in the background.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#380

Post by pbhjpbhj »

zimpenfish wrote: post #301
pbhjpbhj wrote: post #112

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>If I had a cellphone when I was a kid, taking the bus for the first time would not have been so terrifying. // Isn't it being "terrifying" and yet you having the gumption to do it what builds your character and prepares you to take on things without having your hand held? You were relying on your self - your skills, your organisation; and not on your parents?

"And now, little Jack, it's time to learn to swim. [throws child in pool] C'mon, use your gumption! Stop drowning! And stop all that yelling. This is building character! Oh, he's drowned. Never mind! Better luck with little Fred!"

There's a lot of variables and fine balance at play, for sure.

Riding the bus alone for the first time: IIRC I was 11, but in a small village, I'd already ride a few miles from home on my push bike.

I wouldn't expect death as the most likely outcome of a public transit ride at this sort of age.

There's no one size fits all approach to raising children.

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