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I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

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Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#261

Post by bb611 »

luckydude wrote: post #254

I'm a retired geek but I do tractor work, I just pulled a 14 hour day and I'm having some wine so salt heavily. In my opinion, the best thing you can do with kids is create boredom. If they have access to a shop, or some lumber, they will start to build stuff. If kids are bored and they turn that into building, that's the first step towards getting into a good undergrad school. Building stuff is good. The hard part,…

> In my opinion, the best thing you can do with kids is create boredom. If they have access to a shop, or some lumber, they will start to build stuff.

As a kid I was constantly bored, this strategy was deeply ineffective on me. I did grow into it as an adult, but it took a long time.

In short, YMMV.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#262

Post by jcbrand »

Frank2312 wrote: post #67
socialist_coder wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My house is the same way, but I think you have to realize that we're in the vast minority though. Whenever I'm visiting with family in the US, their TV is usually on. It's constantly on. The kids run around with devices with very little oversight or limits. It's absolutely terrible, but's also super common. Sigh.

My sister does that. She just keeps the TV on at all times. Watching a show on Netflix on her tablet? TV on. Takes a shower and is in the bathroom for 30-45 minutes? TV on. Leaves the house and someone is there, though not watching TV? Let's TV on. I have to shut it down myself. I have absolutely no idea how she picked up that habit. No one in the (immediate) family does it.

My impression is that people generally leave the television or radio on the entire day because they struggle with silence and being alone with their thoughts.

The same is true with social media and internet addictions, although there's also the dopamine kick to contend with, which makes them a bit different.

Practicing meditation, general mindfulness and taking long (more than a week) holidays without internet or even electricity helps me a lot to avoid getting addicted to distractions.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#263

Post by kccqzy »

otakucode wrote: post #110

I got Internet access in 1990 when I was 12 years old. Completely unfettered, unmonitored, unlimited in any way. And I wouldn't trade it for anything. Certainly many, if not most, kids would end up obsessing over social status and gossip and similar things. That has nothing to do with technology and absolutely everything to do with how they deal with their life in general. They're encouraged to avoid taking an intell…

I really like to believe what you have written, but it sounds way too elitist.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#264

Post by rhn_mk1 »

int_19h wrote: post #96
careersuicide wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think this is the one thing about technology I'm old fashioned about (I roll my eyes hard when people say stuff like "You should delete your Facebook account, you'll be better off."). If I'm eating food with someone else the phone goes away. The only exception is if in the course of conversation an easily googleable question is asked and both the other person/people and I are actually interested in the answer inste…

You seem to be assuming that the function of the multi-person dinner is always to engage each other. Have you considered that, for some couples at least, it's simply not the case, and there are other times when they talk? Personally, I would rarely bother with anything other than random social chit chat in a place as public as a restaurant. More involved conversations take place somewhere else more private. But why w…

I consider the assumption correct in most circumstances, and almost always when visiting a restaurant.

Otherwise, why bother with the logistics of getting people all in the same place at the same time?

I would only agree that engagement is irrelevant when leaving the table with one's food is acceptable. Otherwise there's the implication that you're there for some purpose, other than getting yourself some nutrition.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#265

Post by shannongreen »

libria wrote: post #47
citizenkeen wrote: post #7

'One of my favorite things you can do is plan a “device-free dinner.”' _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. We have a landline expressly to give out to emergency contacts. And dinner is tech free. Every night. I think the main problem is tech has made everything _else_ easier, but parenting harder, and parents ju…

> _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. Why should all dinners be distraction[1] free? I understand dinner is a social event for many cultures/families, but not every person wants this nor am I convinced it must be this way. I'm efficient with my eating and when the family wants to socialize we play Catan or sit a…

> We should question old habits/traditions especially when the environment has changed.

I strongly agree. I'm always surprised how much resistance to this idea I encounter, though.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#266

Post by drdeadringer »

> I probably would have waited longer before putting a computer in my children’s pockets

A part of me wonders how this consideration might stunt the child for "the near future to come" in a societal context.

Sure, we could want our children to have similar experiences to our own. However, technology and at least in part related society advances increase at ever faster speeds. My grandfather could get a job by walking down the street and saying "hello" to a shopkeeper. Me? Not going to happen; "apply online" and maybe I'll get an automated, maybe even kind, rejection email about "skills" or "fit". My children? Some AI could automatically filter them in or out of internships and the like. What could a totally blank ghost town of lifetime data prior to 5, 10, or 15 years old do to someone in a completely, totally, all-encompassing digital age? Nevermind what this would mean for somebody running for political office.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#267

Post by rhn_mk1 »

libria wrote: post #47
citizenkeen wrote: post #7

'One of my favorite things you can do is plan a “device-free dinner.”' _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. We have a landline expressly to give out to emergency contacts. And dinner is tech free. Every night. I think the main problem is tech has made everything _else_ easier, but parenting harder, and parents ju…

> _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. Why should all dinners be distraction[1] free? I understand dinner is a social event for many cultures/families, but not every person wants this nor am I convinced it must be this way. I'm efficient with my eating and when the family wants to socialize we play Catan or sit a…

> I'm subbing in "distraction" for "device", my kids have brought non-powered distractions to the table before.

A distraction is not the same as a device. A screen's distraction area is just the one person using it. A general distraction can be shared by everyone at the table, making it a social thing again.

That would explain why people who value the social aspect of dinners hate screens.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#268

Post by drdeadringer »

SunnyCanuck wrote: post #62

Have two kids, 14/12. They've grown up as fully connected kids, have always had access to their own devices, never more than a year or two behind the Big Now. We have never imposed "limits for the sake of limits" on their screen time. I find the idea preposterous, frankly. We have no issue connecting with them, or doing family things together, or etc etc etc. If you can't connect with your kids when they have iPhone…

> the Big Now

I've tried looking this up and received a quite diverse collection of results. What is this?

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#269

Post by jussij »

irishasaurus wrote: post #155
careersuicide wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think this is the one thing about technology I'm old fashioned about (I roll my eyes hard when people say stuff like "You should delete your Facebook account, you'll be better off."). If I'm eating food with someone else the phone goes away. The only exception is if in the course of conversation an easily googleable question is asked and both the other person/people and I are actually interested in the answer inste…

I'd say 9 out of 10 of those couples you see on their screens in a restaurant are on a first date.

Would that not be the one time you have your phone off, with you paying full attention?

Or are you describing a first and last date situation?

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#270

Post by sedachv »

luckydude wrote: post #254

I'm a retired geek but I do tractor work, I just pulled a 14 hour day and I'm having some wine so salt heavily. In my opinion, the best thing you can do with kids is create boredom. If they have access to a shop, or some lumber, they will start to build stuff. If kids are bored and they turn that into building, that's the first step towards getting into a good undergrad school. Building stuff is good. The hard part,…

> I'm ashamed to admit that I like private schools, but wow, have they been good for my kids.

Nothing to be ashamed about. You want the best for your children and private schools get more money.

The problem is not that private schools are better, but that public schools are so much worse. The people feeling shame should be the politicians who have worked and continue to work to dismantle the public education system (in large part motivated by religious fundamentalists seeking to replace public education with voucher-based religious schools), and the people that vote for them.

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