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I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

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Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#281

Post by maccard »

irishasaurus wrote: post #155
careersuicide wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think this is the one thing about technology I'm old fashioned about (I roll my eyes hard when people say stuff like "You should delete your Facebook account, you'll be better off."). If I'm eating food with someone else the phone goes away. The only exception is if in the course of conversation an easily googleable question is asked and both the other person/people and I are actually interested in the answer inste…

I'd say 9 out of 10 of those couples you see on their screens in a restaurant are on a first date.

I regularly go out for dinner with my partner, and sometimes we sit and talk for 3 hours, not noticing where the time goes. Other times, we sit in silence, enjoy our food, and head home together. And other times, we will sit, chat, and maybe take our phones out for a little while. Don't judge a relationship based on a single observation.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#282

Post by auganov »

curious_fella1 wrote: post #279
auganov wrote: post #273

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If anything, most of the addictive internet stimuli are social to some degree. I do think there's an interesting analysis to be made of how social connectedness got redistributed though. Both in terms of absolute connectedness and who we're connected to.

I would argue that these "social" parts of the internet are social in the shallowest sense of the world. E.g., telling people how your life is without actually talking to them. I would agree with above that these devices are adding to (creating?) our social isolation.

I don't know the numbers. But if my intuition isn't completely wrong, and I'm not a total outlier, most seem to spend a lot of time on Messenger (/other IM) talking. Usually talking about content that is social in nature.

And quite frankly, most "real-life" interactions seem to be pretty much the same. Just sitting around with phones talking about things you saw on the [social] Internet.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#283

Post by peter303 »

citizenkeen wrote: post #7

'One of my favorite things you can do is plan a “device-free dinner.”' _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. We have a landline expressly to give out to emergency contacts. And dinner is tech free. Every night. I think the main problem is tech has made everything _else_ easier, but parenting harder, and parents ju…

Go to any Millennial or iGen feeding space and you'll see a bunch of zombies lost in their screens and rarely interacting with each other. Very sad.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#284

Post by Sir_Substance »

PhasmaFelis wrote: post #224
Sir_Substance wrote: post #180

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>(I roll my eyes hard when people say stuff like "You should delete your Facebook account, you'll be better off.") Your mortgage might be more expensive than it should be because of your facebook account. https://www.ft.com/content/e8ccd7b8-6459-11e6-a08a-c7ac04ef0... If the cost of your home increases by $10,000 in extra interest over the lifespan of the mortgage due to things your friends post on your facebook wall…

So set your account to friends-only. It's easy and you should be doing it anyway.

Dude, Facebook is the one exporting the data. The friends only flag doesn't do shit.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#285

Post by minipci1321 »

luckydude wrote: post #254

I'm a retired geek but I do tractor work, I just pulled a 14 hour day and I'm having some wine so salt heavily. In my opinion, the best thing you can do with kids is create boredom. If they have access to a shop, or some lumber, they will start to build stuff. If kids are bored and they turn that into building, that's the first step towards getting into a good undergrad school. Building stuff is good. The hard part,…

Taken literally (I think I can see what you mean), creating boredom will not work on all kids. Rather, providing a creative child with various tools/means/ways to amuse oneself might actually make him/her spend more and more time to use them, instead of going for the usual.

One thing my father did for me was to install a small workshop (in our 2-bedroom apartment with 5 persons living, I'll let you imagine the reaction of my mother, but we held strong), equip it with various tools, subscribe me to a DYI magazine, and teaching me some first gestures, to make sure I am reasonably safe being alone (I was 7 at the time). Later, I have never heard a "no" from him when asking to buy this or that new tool.

That was a very unusual thing in that place and time of overcrowded small apartments and low resources. When my schoolmates saw that, some of them started to do the same, and their parents gave in, I was good at school so an example to follow ;-)

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#286

Post by bonesss »

PascLeRasc wrote: post #140
s3nnyy wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> sad to me when I see couples at a niceish restaurant and neither person is talking and both are looking at Facebook or Twitter Is that like a Bay Area thing? Sounds really terrible to me (I live in Europe)

It's definitely an affluent US city thing. When I was in Spain for three weeks this summer zero of the locals had their phones out in a restaurant.

Come visit Scandinavia: we're predicting lots of back and neck problems for this generation later in life based on constant hunched-over phone swiping :)

For realsies though: it's all about the connectivity of the area you are in combined with local social norms. Sweden, Denmark, and Finland are filled with phones, 4G connections, and quiet dining tables as people read the news.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#287

Post by int_19h »

rhn_mk1 wrote: post #264
int_19h wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You seem to be assuming that the function of the multi-person dinner is always to engage each other. Have you considered that, for some couples at least, it's simply not the case, and there are other times when they talk? Personally, I would rarely bother with anything other than random social chit chat in a place as public as a restaurant. More involved conversations take place somewhere else more private. But why w…

I consider the assumption correct in most circumstances, and almost always when visiting a restaurant. Otherwise, why bother with the logistics of getting people all in the same place at the same time? I would only agree that engagement is irrelevant when leaving the table with one's food is acceptable. Otherwise there's the implication that you're there for some purpose, other than getting yourself some nutrition.

> Otherwise, why bother with the logistics of getting people all in the same place at the same time?

It's hardly a logistical problem to get two people who live together (and therefore already have largely intertwined schedules) to a restaurant.

And the reason is fairly obvious: to enjoy the food.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#288

Post by hycaria »

alaaibrahim wrote: post #147
careersuicide wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think this is the one thing about technology I'm old fashioned about (I roll my eyes hard when people say stuff like "You should delete your Facebook account, you'll be better off."). If I'm eating food with someone else the phone goes away. The only exception is if in the course of conversation an easily googleable question is asked and both the other person/people and I are actually interested in the answer inste…

For me it's not even a conscious effort, as it feels rude to be on your phone, when you are having a meal with someone. Is it not rude to start reading a book while you are having a lunch with someone, why is the phone any different. When there is a need to look at your phone (Important message, a call, or even to look up something), I think the polite thing is to excuse yourself, do the thing really quickly, and get…

>Is it not rude to start reading a book while you are having a lunch with someone

In my world it is though.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#289

Post by dredmorbius »

dredmorbius wrote: post #40
justadeveloper2 wrote: post #22

Technology does not care about human values.

Neil Postman ( Technopoly ) and the Heusemanns ( Techno-Fix ) both advance this concept signficantly.

Links:

Techno-Fix, by Michael and Joyce Huesemann (note spelling): http://www.worldcat.org/title/techno-fix-why-technology-wont...

Technopoly, Neil Postman: http://www.worldcat.org/title/technopoly/oclc/557091816

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#290

Post by s3nnyy »

throwaway42323 wrote: post #154
s3nnyy wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> sad to me when I see couples at a niceish restaurant and neither person is talking and both are looking at Facebook or Twitter Is that like a Bay Area thing? Sounds really terrible to me (I live in Europe)

I live in Europe and I wouldn't say that it is much "better" here - it depends on the places and the subcultures obviously, but for sure you will also see lots of people staring at their phones (and I admit to do it myself from time to time). Nobody would say s(he) is a bad driver, but so many people complain about the driving of other people.

true
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