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I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

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Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#271

Post by durandal1 »

joshribakoff wrote: post #170
imchillyb wrote: post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

@joshribakoff, you're being disingenuous. You left out the important part of that quote: > they need to be raised deliberately. if you spoil a dog, and dont train it, what kind of dog do you wind up with? what kind of people do you end up with when they are sucked into ipads while still in a stroller, and they are sent to schools that are little more than zoos being overseen by air-headed sorority girls? That is succ…

Disciplining a kid like they are a dog just feels like a marginal step up from corporal punishment. Instead I believe in a more empathetic approach. I can teach a kid why its dangerous to walk into the street, no so with a dog, which can only learn via positive & negative associations, without understanding or communicating the reason why. A gold fish can be trained to swim through a hoop by giving a treat. A kid has…

>Disciplining a kid like they are a dog just feels like a marginal step up from corporal punishment. Instead I believe in a more empathetic approach.

This is an incredibly old fashioned view of dog training. Both science and actual practice have proven that, indeed, a more empathetic approach that focus on the positive side of behavior modification produces better and more consistent results. Indeed, this also translates to raising a kid, and is why physical punishment in the best case results in passiveness ("good behavior") and in many other cases, life long resentment.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#272

Post by nugga »

citizenkeen wrote: post #7

'One of my favorite things you can do is plan a “device-free dinner.”' _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. We have a landline expressly to give out to emergency contacts. And dinner is tech free. Every night. I think the main problem is tech has made everything _else_ easier, but parenting harder, and parents ju…

One thing I've noticed is that when I'm distracted (e.g. using a device) and not mindfully eating I fail to fully taste and appreciate the food. It's as if most of my conscious focus is shifted elsewhere than my mouth and tongue. It's like you probably weren't aware of the feeling of your left elbow before reading this sentence. Because of this I try to eat at least some of my meals, especially breakfast, without doing anything else.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#273

Post by auganov »

rlglwx wrote: post #168
Noos wrote: post #165

"As its use has proliferated, so has its effects... ...the interviewer, apparently, asks young people (age 18 to 22 years old) the following: whether men with the (device hidden) are human or not; whether they are losing contact with reality; whether the relation between eyes and ears is changing radically, whether they are psychotic or schizophrenic; whether they are worried about the fate of humanity." Can you gues…

But maybe we have lost something also. As a truly social species, do we not lose as a society when barriers are erected to sociability? The literature certainly points to increased social isolation among adults and children. It also makes the point that loneliness is a risk factor in things like dementia, being overweight and a litany of other ailments. I reject the notion that anything new is automatically better an…

If anything, most of the addictive internet stimuli are social to some degree. I do think there's an interesting analysis to be made of how social connectedness got redistributed though. Both in terms of absolute connectedness and who we're connected to.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#274

Post by lordnacho »

rayiner wrote: post #4

It's a level-headed article. Parenting, like almost nothing else, turns normal, intelligent, educated people into nutters. A rational, evidence-based conversation about screen time, breastfeeding, pregnancy, birth, education, and diet is increasingly impossible to have, especially with millennial parents. I just got my four year old an iPhone (with a data plan, because she realized she didn't have wifi in the car). I…

> I just got my four year old an iPhone

Do you find that she's able to limit herself? My kid loves screens, and is the same age as yours, but having tried to leave him with a tablet I've decided it's too dangerous. He can literally sit with it all his waking hours, so no more tablet for him.

Screen time ate up a lot of my childhood. Learned a lot, too, but I only got a computer as a teenager.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#275

Post by hueving »

grzm wrote: post #242
Fogest wrote: post #239

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In my opinion they both should have the same reaction. If someone asked me that in person or by text I see no reason why I'd be upset by that. It's a simple question and nothing else I said in the comment would suggest I was trying to be rude, so why take it that way? Why be offended when you don't need to be. Seems a bit silly to me.

I'll sign off after this. Your response puts everything on the reader rather than the writer. Yes, the reader should do as you say, but the writer also needs to take into account how the reader could interpret what's been written, not just how you think they should , and try to write in such a way as to minimize misunderstanding. Of course, all of this assumes that karma matters, the writer cares enough to put in the…

Is English not your first language?

It's pretty clear that Fogest was asking if the kids get carsick and there was no implication that anyone was lying.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#276

Post by flukus »

koolba wrote: post #35
mquander wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I spent a lot of the decade of the 90s having the best times of my life immersing myself in video games and the Internet, and looking back it seems to me like I'm the better for it. I think it should rightfully be heartbreaking to deny that to a kid who would have it.

> I think it should rightfully be heartbreaking to deny that to a kid who would have it. I'm going to assume you haven't seen the steaming piles that are today's kid's shows and apps. There's no way that crap is as mentally stimulating as content from the 90s (or before). It's optimized for addiction. And I'm not saying to cut it off entirely. I'm just saying the new stuff is universally terrible.

I disagree here. Modern kids shows are much more sophisticated than the rubbish we watched in the 80's and 90's. Take something with a remake like voltron or thundercats to eliminate the nostalgia factor and watch them back to back, the difference is vast.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#277

Post by hueving »

sedachv wrote: post #270
luckydude wrote: post #254

I'm a retired geek but I do tractor work, I just pulled a 14 hour day and I'm having some wine so salt heavily. In my opinion, the best thing you can do with kids is create boredom. If they have access to a shop, or some lumber, they will start to build stuff. If kids are bored and they turn that into building, that's the first step towards getting into a good undergrad school. Building stuff is good. The hard part,…

> I'm ashamed to admit that I like private schools, but wow, have they been good for my kids. Nothing to be ashamed about. You want the best for your children and private schools get more money. The problem is not that private schools are better, but that public schools are so much worse. The people feeling shame should be the politicians who have worked and continue to work to dismantle the public education system (…

>in large part motivated by religious fundamentalists seeking to replace public education with voucher-based religious schools

This can't possibly be the reason. Otherwise the bay area would have the best schools in the nation because religion here is borderline illegal.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#278

Post by flukus »

sndean wrote: post #60
libria wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. Why should all dinners be distraction[1] free? I understand dinner is a social event for many cultures/families, but not every person wants this nor am I convinced it must be this way. I'm efficient with my eating and when the family wants to socialize we play Catan or sit a…

> [1] I'm subbing in "distraction" for "device", my kids have brought non-powered distractions to the table before. This is a good point. I remember my mom getting mad when I'd bring a book to the table (c. 1995). If it's not a phone, it's something else.

Same for me, a book or a gameboy at the dinner table would result in a clip around the ears. My parents weren't strict in the slightest, but dinner time was the 10-20 minutes where we all sat down together as a family and put up with mums political views.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#279

Post by curious_fella1 »

auganov wrote: post #273
rlglwx wrote: post #168

Earlier quoted context omitted.

But maybe we have lost something also. As a truly social species, do we not lose as a society when barriers are erected to sociability? The literature certainly points to increased social isolation among adults and children. It also makes the point that loneliness is a risk factor in things like dementia, being overweight and a litany of other ailments. I reject the notion that anything new is automatically better an…

If anything, most of the addictive internet stimuli are social to some degree. I do think there's an interesting analysis to be made of how social connectedness got redistributed though. Both in terms of absolute connectedness and who we're connected to.

I would argue that these "social" parts of the internet are social in the shallowest sense of the world. E.g., telling people how your life is without actually talking to them. I would agree with above that these devices are adding to (creating?) our social isolation.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#280

Post by taohansen »

rayiner wrote: post #172
forinti wrote: post #57

Earlier quoted context omitted.

But cellphones and these endless scrolling social apps that get our attention aren't really the same thing as books or even newspapers. They just seem to suck your ability to focus out of you and don't really give you back anything.

That's nonsense. My wife is always glued to her phone checking twitter/facebook/etc. and is way more informed than back in the bad old days when you had to get all your information from a handful of biased corporate newspapers.

i am so sorry, that must be awful.
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