Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

washingtonpost.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

141–150 of 388 posts

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#141

Post by heartbreak »

macNchz wrote: post #82
heartbreak wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I for one read books on my phone at the park. How’s that any different from reading a paperback book at the park?

There's no real difference in that situation, but people don't generally read paperback books when out to dinner with friends, while driving on the highway, while walking on a crowded sidewalk, during a movie at the theater, during class at school or in a meeting at work... which are all common situations where I regularly see people glued to their phones.

Why do you assume that people are wasting their time when they’re on their phones?

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#142

Post by mcone »

otakucode wrote: post #131
mcone wrote: post #118

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> That has nothing to do with technology and absolutely everything to do with how they deal with their life in general. With all due respect, accessing the internet today is nothing like what it was in 1990. It's like comparing apples to oranges. There's a huge difference between accessing a BBS with a modem and pulling an iPhone out your pocket and pulling up Facebook's newsfeed with a couple taps of your finger. Th…

You are right, it is certainly quite a bit different. I'm not sure how material the differences are though. For what it's worth, I had access to BBS' prior to that and had already enjoyed discussing things with adults as an equal before getting a dialup account on a local university mainframe. Everything was done through a shell account, telnet and gopher and similar. I mean, I was still able to quite easily find mys…

I understand what you're saying and agree for the most part. I guess the big question here is whether or not parents can or should teach their children self-control. As a parent, should I just give my child access to everything and hope for the best? Or should I restrict access and hope they don't become bitter hermits? :)

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#143

Post by [deleted] »

enraged_camel wrote: post #124
logfromblammo wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a transhumanist, I see the recent advertisement campaign for device-free dinners as an implicit accusation that devices necessarily inhibit interpersonal engagement rather than enhance it. A device-free social event makes as much sense to me as having an equipment-free sporting event. Imagine playing baseball without bats, balls, or gloves. Imagine soccer without balls or goals. The family dinner with meaningful c…

>>A device-free social event makes as much sense to me as having an equipment-free sporting event. Imagine playing baseball without bats, balls, or gloves. You need bats, balls and gloves to play baseball. You don't need devices for social events. Social events by definition are about interacting with other event attendees. Devices often - in fact almost always - detract from that.

[deleted]

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#144

Post by fzeroracer »

When I was a teenager living with my parents we used to have a 'devices free' dinner where we'd sit in silence and realize that an awkward teenager had little in common to talk about with his out-of-touch parents. This was the time where conversation was forced and often led to arguments. Though this says more about my upbringing than the use of technology.

I think my point is that people see people looking at their phone while in restaurants or people sitting silently and assuming that this void means that the social aspect of the human race is doomed for destruction. You can't force conversation and I've found with friends and even family now that the phone has replaced forced discussions with something else. And you don't always need to fill silence with conversation and nonsense.

Similarly I would say there's nothing wrong with lessening the use of technology your kids use, but at the same time you can't just outright cut them and yourself out from it. Instead you should adapt; give your kids positive uses of the TV or their phone. If you try to force devices-free meals your kid may think that bringing up issues of cyberbullying, facebook etc might not be appropriate.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#145

Post by chiefofgxbxl »

nulagrithom wrote: post #68
posguy wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sometimes conversation may occur that otherwise would have been avoided thanks to cellphones, other times you get calming silence instead. Its a definite risk, but the whole equation is ignored usually.

> other times you get calming silence instead I always like that Pulp Fiction line: "That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence." I don't think a moment of silence is any excuse to pull out the cellphone. In fact, I think this highlights part of the problem we have with cellphones. We expect constant entertainment, action, and…

Phones have indeed allowed people to both need and satisfy that need for constant stimulation. It's pretty sad.

I'm the kind of guy in a coffee shop, waiting room, etc. who just stares into space glad that I owe my thoughts to myself and not my phone. But when everyone else has their phones out except for me, people probably think I'm a weirdo.

And it's not just phones, mind you. It's televisions, also. I used to go to a nice, quiet, and remote barbershop. Affordable haircuts and no noise. What's not to love? As soon as he started attracting more customers, boom: television in the waiting room. Gotta keep people constantly distracted I guess :\

I saw a guy today in a coffee shop. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop. He just sat there drinking his coffee. Like a psychopath. (https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-5j54a0AOYfg/VqbpdyKMA8I/A...)

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#147

Post by alaaibrahim »

careersuicide wrote: post #18
citizenkeen wrote: post #7

'One of my favorite things you can do is plan a “device-free dinner.”' _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. We have a landline expressly to give out to emergency contacts. And dinner is tech free. Every night. I think the main problem is tech has made everything _else_ easier, but parenting harder, and parents ju…

I think this is the one thing about technology I'm old fashioned about (I roll my eyes hard when people say stuff like "You should delete your Facebook account, you'll be better off."). If I'm eating food with someone else the phone goes away. The only exception is if in the course of conversation an easily googleable question is asked and both the other person/people and I are actually interested in the answer inste…

For me it's not even a conscious effort, as it feels rude to be on your phone, when you are having a meal with someone. Is it not rude to start reading a book while you are having a lunch with someone, why is the phone any different.

When there is a need to look at your phone (Important message, a call, or even to look up something), I think the polite thing is to excuse yourself, do the thing really quickly, and get back to your meal.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#148

Post by Mz »

Parents face a bit of a catch-22: Those that have kids young are not all that grown up themselves. Those that have them later have trouble remembering what it is like to be a kid. They each have their upsides and downsides. There is no perfect time to become a parent. But, I think older parents have challenges they didn't expect because being a parent is not like your day job. Even if you do daycare, you get to put it down at the end of the day. A child is responsibility 24/7, even when they are at school or daycare. It is just different in important ways from most other pursuits.

Plus, we don't really have an established culture for dealing with all this as a parent. So much of our very widespread tech is too new for us to have some established precedent to confidently draw upon.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#149

Post by AndrewUnmuted »

careersuicide wrote: post #18
citizenkeen wrote: post #7

'One of my favorite things you can do is plan a “device-free dinner.”' _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. We have a landline expressly to give out to emergency contacts. And dinner is tech free. Every night. I think the main problem is tech has made everything _else_ easier, but parenting harder, and parents ju…

I think this is the one thing about technology I'm old fashioned about (I roll my eyes hard when people say stuff like "You should delete your Facebook account, you'll be better off."). If I'm eating food with someone else the phone goes away. The only exception is if in the course of conversation an easily googleable question is asked and both the other person/people and I are actually interested in the answer inste…

I deleted my Facebook account two years ago, and I am much happier as a result.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#150

Post by icebraining »

macNchz wrote: post #82
heartbreak wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I for one read books on my phone at the park. How’s that any different from reading a paperback book at the park?

There's no real difference in that situation, but people don't generally read paperback books when out to dinner with friends, while driving on the highway, while walking on a crowded sidewalk, during a movie at the theater, during class at school or in a meeting at work... which are all common situations where I regularly see people glued to their phones.

I have to admit to two of those :)
Post reply on HN