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I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

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Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#121

Post by squozzer »

I dunno -- part of the problem might be that we older people have notions of how childhood should be. Entire industries are built around it. And we eagerly declare an emergency when kids decide to stray from the notional path.

But maybe a little experience will enlighten (maybe.) I recall some 30-odd years ago how much more fun D&D would be if all of the paper, die-rolling, etc. were automated. This was sometime between the Atari 2600 and Commodore 64. I got my wish, obviously, and then some.

And it seemed old-fashioned ways of gaming would forever be consigned to history's dustbin.

Only it didn't happen that way. Dice and tabletops are still around, maybe more popular than in my day.

So I for one will not surrender to despair, or go blue-nose against modern tech "for the children." Maybe we should just go with the flow.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#122

Post by mirimir »

i_cant_speel wrote: post #85
nulagrithom wrote: post #68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> other times you get calming silence instead I always like that Pulp Fiction line: "That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence." I don't think a moment of silence is any excuse to pull out the cellphone. In fact, I think this highlights part of the problem we have with cellphones. We expect constant entertainment, action, and…

This morning I was in the elevator with three other people. All three of them were looking at their phones. Strangely, I felt weird just standing there waiting. I feel like the world transformed so quickly.

I remember when I was the only one carrying a laptop. And then a cellphone. And then a smartphone. Then I zoned out on privacy and anonymity zealotry. And the next thing I knew, everyone and their little yellow dog had their face in a smartphone 24/7. WTF? Seriously, WTF?

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#123

Post by JCharante »

joshribakoff wrote: post #39
bronz wrote: post #28

whenever i see parents struggling with issues like this, i wonder why everyone wanders into parenthood without any forethought, any preparation. its so frustrating to see people take their hands off the wheel and say "well, i have no control over this situation. i hope my kid turns out ok." people have this idea that you cant influence your kids. they send them to school where you have 0% control over what they see a…

> children are like any other animal Yeah, raising kids is just like owning a gerbil. Exactly.

maybe you're the one not raising gerbils correctly.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#124

Post by enraged_camel »

logfromblammo wrote: post #83
nsxwolf wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree but some of these things sound like moral panics about black rectangles. I don't remember people shaking their heads at parents reading a paperback book at the park, or commuters reading broadsheet newspapers on the train.

As a transhumanist, I see the recent advertisement campaign for device-free dinners as an implicit accusation that devices necessarily inhibit interpersonal engagement rather than enhance it. A device-free social event makes as much sense to me as having an equipment-free sporting event. Imagine playing baseball without bats, balls, or gloves. Imagine soccer without balls or goals. The family dinner with meaningful c…

>>A device-free social event makes as much sense to me as having an equipment-free sporting event. Imagine playing baseball without bats, balls, or gloves.

You need bats, balls and gloves to play baseball. You don't need devices for social events. Social events by definition are about interacting with other event attendees. Devices often - in fact almost always - detract from that.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#125

Post by pbhjpbhj »

SunnyCanuck wrote: post #84
pbhjpbhj wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>We have no issue connecting with them, or // It's good that all people are exactly the same as you and your kids and that this will therefore work for everyone, isn't it. /s

I didn't make any such claim. If you'd like to respond to what was actually written, feel free. :)

Sorry if the pith obscured the substantive point: You said you had no problems with connecting with your children, the point is that there are varying characters and that other children may have problems with connecting that are exacerbated by device usage. I know I have those sorts of problems as an adult and suspect at least one of my kids has similar issues.

Your comment seemed dismissive of the possibility of a problem, and of the possibility of that problem being exacerbated by screentime/phone use/tablet use. Ergo my interjection.

As an analogy, that I think is apposite, some people can smoke tobacco and not get addicted, for others it becomes a consuming need; I think electronic interactions can be like this for many people. I get tetchy (irritable) when I don't have a drink for a few days, a similar tetchiness takes me when I don't get my fix of phone time. Screens can provide a very easy way to avoid social interaction, something which is a challenge for me. Stick this all together and you have problems connecting with people that are exacerbated by increased screentime; I do have the agency to avoid getting completely absorbed by devices but I also exercise that agency on behalf of my kids as I believe they have not (as pre-teens) developed the ability for themselves.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#126

Post by blubb-fish »

libria wrote: post #47
citizenkeen wrote: post #7

'One of my favorite things you can do is plan a “device-free dinner.”' _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. We have a landline expressly to give out to emergency contacts. And dinner is tech free. Every night. I think the main problem is tech has made everything _else_ easier, but parenting harder, and parents ju…

> _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. Why should all dinners be distraction[1] free? I understand dinner is a social event for many cultures/families, but not every person wants this nor am I convinced it must be this way. I'm efficient with my eating and when the family wants to socialize we play Catan or sit a…

Well - maybe some people like sugar b/c it's so sweat - why not then eat it as much as you like?

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#127

Post by graphitezepp »

Noos wrote: post #100
koolba wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I think it should rightfully be heartbreaking to deny that to a kid who would have it. I'm going to assume you haven't seen the steaming piles that are today's kid's shows and apps. There's no way that crap is as mentally stimulating as content from the 90s (or before). It's optimized for addiction. And I'm not saying to cut it off entirely. I'm just saying the new stuff is universally terrible.

This is just nostalgia talking. Most of 80's and 90's kid programming was trash, too.

Just with less sophisticated algorithms for maximizeing "engagement", whatever that's worth.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#128

Post by mixmastamyk »

Frank2312 wrote: post #67
socialist_coder wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My house is the same way, but I think you have to realize that we're in the vast minority though. Whenever I'm visiting with family in the US, their TV is usually on. It's constantly on. The kids run around with devices with very little oversight or limits. It's absolutely terrible, but's also super common. Sigh.

My sister does that. She just keeps the TV on at all times. Watching a show on Netflix on her tablet? TV on. Takes a shower and is in the bathroom for 30-45 minutes? TV on. Leaves the house and someone is there, though not watching TV? Let's TV on. I have to shut it down myself. I have absolutely no idea how she picked up that habit. No one in the (immediate) family does it.

Some people like background noise, not a fan myself.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#129

Post by joezydeco »

heartbreak wrote: post #73
joezydeco wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Look around in any restaurant these days and you'll easily see half of the adults in the room engaged with their phones at some part of the evening, if not most of it.

Be sure to judge them for that, too. This forum exists because of money spent by people on their phones all day.

It was an observation of a trend. Nothing more.

If are going to discuss how to instill values in our children regarding smartphones, we need to look at ourselves first.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#130

Post by JKCalhoun »

citizenkeen wrote: post #7

'One of my favorite things you can do is plan a “device-free dinner.”' _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. We have a landline expressly to give out to emergency contacts. And dinner is tech free. Every night. I think the main problem is tech has made everything _else_ easier, but parenting harder, and parents ju…

> tech has made everything _else_ easier, but parenting harder,

Nicely put.

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