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I’m 35 and I may suddenly have lost the rest of my life

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Re: I’m 35 and I may suddenly have lost the rest of my life

#91

Post by Jach »

spraak wrote: post #38

It's never too late to turn to the Dharma. I lost a child recently and the only hope I can find out of it has been to study what the Buddha taught. > if we start thinking about impermanence now, while we still have time to find skillful means to deal with it, then later we will not be caught unaware. Even though in the short term the contemplation of death and impermanence might cause discomfort, in the long term it…

Or stoicism.

> The will of nature may be learned from those things in which we don't distinguish from each other. For example, when our neighbor's boy breaks a cup, or the like, we are presently ready to say, "These things will happen." Be assured, then, that when your own cup likewise is broken, you ought to be affected just as when another's cup was broken. Apply this in like manner to greater things. Is the child or wife of another dead? There is no one who would not say, "This is a human accident." but if anyone's own child happens to die, it is presently, "Alas I how wretched am I!" But it should be remembered how we are affected in hearing the same thing concerning others.

http://classics.mit.edu/Epictetus/epicench.html

Or rap music.

    There's no hell more harsh than a memory
    There's no home more hell than an empty nest
    Winter takes the warm away, spring takes the cold away
    Summer takes the rain away and fall took away my friend
    I believe there's never a place better than right where you are
    Although imagining an afterlife can tend to mend a broken heart
    And with someone dead, it's a way of coping with loss
    But I don't need you out there somewhere if I have you in my thoughts
    I don't envy anyone in a position where they're forced to choose
    Pull the plug or not I can't tell if this is for me or you
    I mean I know you're sick, tired, and confused
    But sometimes letting the tired go to sleep is the best thing to do
https://youtu.be/Ajw-aEtrpJE

Or fighting it with cryonics, SENS, other medical research etc. But pretty much any religion or everyman-philosophy has something to say about death. I have the same reaction as the green sibling, if something comes off as proselytizing it's pretty gross. Hitchens on death-bed conversion: https://youtu.be/q4cPe_YS8i8 Just be considerate that your way isn't the only way if the suggestion really comes from a good intention, which in these cases with personal experience I tend to believe does.

Re: I’m 35 and I may suddenly have lost the rest of my life

#92

Post by unityByFreedom »

lgessler wrote: post #21

With much sensitivity to the physical and emotional turmoil the author must be experiencing right now, I disagree with his advice: > Stop just assuming you have a full lifetime to do whatever it is you dream of doing. Rare and catastrophic events like this that can severely shorten your life are ones you should not plan for. If they occur, that's very unfortunate, and maybe you'll still have a contingency plan that c…

Dude's just saying live your life to the fullest.

Love your family and friends, don't sweat the small stuff

Re: I’m 35 and I may suddenly have lost the rest of my life

#93

Post by spraak »

dodododo wrote: post #58
spraak wrote: post #38

It's never too late to turn to the Dharma. I lost a child recently and the only hope I can find out of it has been to study what the Buddha taught. > if we start thinking about impermanence now, while we still have time to find skillful means to deal with it, then later we will not be caught unaware. Even though in the short term the contemplation of death and impermanence might cause discomfort, in the long term it…

This seems so predatory. Instead of proselytizing, why not just hold off and try to understand what this person is going through? Practicing your own human empathy on human terms is far more important than whatever list of teachings you might find out there.

Firstly I'm really sorry you felt I was being pushy. I don't feel I have anything to gain from what I shared, which is how I interpret proselytizing: my child died. Six weeks ago. So yeah, I'm on a lot of pain, and reading these texts are what have helped me through weeks of tears. Maybe it's inappropriate for me to share that so casually here, but I truly hoped it may help someone else going through death, or being around it. And you're right, I can continue to practice empathy. And for me, these texts point to how to do that... maybe someone else would find it helpful too.

Re: I’m 35 and I may suddenly have lost the rest of my life

#94

Post by spraak »

Jach wrote: post #91
spraak wrote: post #38

It's never too late to turn to the Dharma. I lost a child recently and the only hope I can find out of it has been to study what the Buddha taught. > if we start thinking about impermanence now, while we still have time to find skillful means to deal with it, then later we will not be caught unaware. Even though in the short term the contemplation of death and impermanence might cause discomfort, in the long term it…

Or stoicism. > The will of nature may be learned from those things in which we don't distinguish from each other. For example, when our neighbor's boy breaks a cup, or the like, we are presently ready to say, "These things will happen." Be assured, then, that when your own cup likewise is broken, you ought to be affected just as when another's cup was broken. Apply this in like manner to greater things. Is the child…

> if something comes off as proselytizing it's pretty gross

Thanks for sharing additional helpful and cathartic resources. Reading texts like I linked is in the same spirit you may enjoy what you've shared. It may be you're incensed by the religious connotation of what I said. But I have nothing to gain from sharing it, just the hope it may help others. Sorry if you felt it was pushy.

Re: I’m 35 and I may suddenly have lost the rest of my life

#95

Post by toomuchtodo »

wahern wrote: post #83
lgessler wrote: post #21

With much sensitivity to the physical and emotional turmoil the author must be experiencing right now, I disagree with his advice: > Stop just assuming you have a full lifetime to do whatever it is you dream of doing. Rare and catastrophic events like this that can severely shorten your life are ones you should not plan for. If they occur, that's very unfortunate, and maybe you'll still have a contingency plan that c…

Rare and catastrophic events like this that can severely shorten your life are ones you should not plan for. If you have dependents one should at least think about purchasing term life insurance. It's relatively cheap because the risk is small. OTOH, because medical science has become so good at extending life, it's an even better idea to purchase disability insurance. That's something I still keep meaning to do. But…

I can't say enough good things about PolicyGenius. My wife and I just bought term life insurance through them, very easy and painless process.

If you're in your 30s, don't smoke, and don't take part in adventure sports, you can get a $1 million 20 year term policy for between $30-40/month.

Re: I’m 35 and I may suddenly have lost the rest of my life

#96

Post by MGuznoyzner »

spraak wrote: post #93
dodododo wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This seems so predatory. Instead of proselytizing, why not just hold off and try to understand what this person is going through? Practicing your own human empathy on human terms is far more important than whatever list of teachings you might find out there.

Firstly I'm really sorry you felt I was being pushy. I don't feel I have anything to gain from what I shared, which is how I interpret proselytizing: my child died. Six weeks ago. So yeah, I'm on a lot of pain, and reading these texts are what have helped me through weeks of tears. Maybe it's inappropriate for me to share that so casually here, but I truly hoped it may help someone else going through death, or being…

From the perspective of this impartial atheist you didn't come off as pushy.

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you find peace.

Re: I’m 35 and I may suddenly have lost the rest of my life

#97

Post by neilwilson »

Remember that the anecdotes on here serve two purposes.

(i) to show that the aggregate does not inform the individual. As a species we are too influenced by aggregate stats. There is huge variation in individual responses.

(ii) history is written by the winners. Those people who did not survive cancer are not here to write about it and those surrounding them tend to want to forget and move on. Survivor bias is a real thing.

Not only is this story a reminder that life is short, but also that we must battle each day to keep perspective when the world and our human limitations are always trying to skew our views.

Given the tensions in the world, seeing things from the other points of view has never been more important.

Re: I’m 35 and I may suddenly have lost the rest of my life

#98

Post by Jach »

spraak wrote: post #94
Jach wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Or stoicism. > The will of nature may be learned from those things in which we don't distinguish from each other. For example, when our neighbor's boy breaks a cup, or the like, we are presently ready to say, "These things will happen." Be assured, then, that when your own cup likewise is broken, you ought to be affected just as when another's cup was broken. Apply this in like manner to greater things. Is the child…

> if something comes off as proselytizing it's pretty gross Thanks for sharing additional helpful and cathartic resources. Reading texts like I linked is in the same spirit you may enjoy what you've shared. It may be you're incensed by the religious connotation of what I said. But I have nothing to gain from sharing it, just the hope it may help others. Sorry if you felt it was pushy.

I hear you and glad to confirm it's coming from a good intention, we're all going through our own personal hells and it's nice when we can help each other with them and not get lost in isolated bitterness. My initial irritation wasn't the religious connotations or wondering if there was an ulterior motive for gain, just the introductory "it's never too late to turn to..." phrase which accompanies unhelpful proselytizing so often. So don't be sorry, just interpret it as my feedback on the presentation rather than the content.

Re: I’m 35 and I may suddenly have lost the rest of my life

#99

Post by koonsolo »

Xeoncross wrote: post #6
rcarrigan87 wrote: post #4

My brother was diagnosed with a rare form of sarcoma (cancer) at age 35. Basically was given about a 10% to live. 180 servings of chemo/radiation later we started lining up hospice and he prepared to say goodbye to his 2 young kids and wife. Last ditch effort was an experimental drug. Out of 150 people in the trial, he's the only one alive 12 years later. 6 years ago he started a company that is about to hit 8 figure…

> Last ditch effort was an experimental drug... he's the only one alive I assume it wasn't the drug then but some other factor that was either missed or underestimated in his actual recovery. Wish more of these missing-pieces were known.

I might get downvoted for this, so please do your own research first before just dismissing it.

There is this cheap thing of Vitamin C injections staight into the blood. A cure that has been "well known" for centuries, but dismissed because oral intake studies weren't promising.

I love science, but in studies where a lot of money is made or can be lost, there is so much manipulation going on it makes you sick. I'm talking about pharmacy and food industry here.

Loads of money are made with chemo and cancer research. If Vitamin C injections really are better way to treat cancer, can you imagine how many billions will be lost?

Re: I’m 35 and I may suddenly have lost the rest of my life

#100

Post by PhantomGremlin »

michaeldorian wrote: post #88
tarr11 wrote: post #32

Colonoscopy was a pretty fast and painless experience for me. The prep drink I had to take the day before was the worst part. Being worried is definitely not a reason to put it off!

Did you ask to have a colonoscopy done? I had some bleeding but my doctor seems to just dismiss it as standard eat more fiber Hemorrhoids etc.

Everything I've read says that all bleeding should be checked out.

Even if you're not willing/able to get a colonoscopy, it's easy for a specialist to check for hemorrhoids. If the hemorrhoids are internal (not all are) they use a little fiberscope that only needs to go in for an inch or so. It takes a minute to do at the office.

I wound up having some internal hemorrhoids surgically repaired. Not a big deal at all. The bad news is that the prep for that surgery is pretty much the same as the prep for a colonoscopy. IIRC (it's been over 10 years) I think the doctor first did a colonoscopy and then repaired the hemorrhoids, all in the same operation.

Sheesh, the things we type on HN. Without a throwaway even.

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