Earlier quoted context omitted.
We met at 10 years old and are getting married at 24. When we really started dating three years ago, about a month in we did a spreadsheet of ~270 questions about how we wanted to live. We blindly answered so as to not concede or compromise in our answers. VLOOKUP and merge answers. 90% of them are basically identical. The remaining 10% are completely predictive of current and perhaps future points of disagreement an…
Would you care to share what kind of questions if you still have them?
How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)
211–220 of 222 posts
Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)
#212Earlier quoted context omitted.
There's maybe a 5th category: - fails to recognize good candidates (solved by more dating) It's easy to wind up barking up the wrong tree because you haven't figured out what is really important to you, as well as how to find it.
One problem I have is that I'll never get the chance to date enough people to discover what qualities I like in women.
You can find out what qualities you like in women by being friends with them. No need to date. And you can find out what qualities you like in a partner by collaborating with anyone, man or woman. You can find out what qualities you like in a housemate by living with people. You'll need a date to figure out what you like sexually, and in a few other area, but you can (and should) get a pretty good base understanding of what you're looking for without dating.
Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)
#213Marriage, monogamy, and (romantic) love are conservative notions that are close to being (or should be) marginalized in my opinion. Romantic love, especially, is an extremely superficial and hollow idea exalted to high heavens by the group-think of the masses. I gave up religion, and over the years realized that love is the second, way more sneaky and no less damaging, delusion that humanity indulges in. It has to go…
Biological imperfection? Genetic defect? Bit harsh, no?
You've painted love in this way, and it may be true for the majority of us. OK. But there will always be exceptions in a million other forms.
I know ugly people who are utterly charming, either sweet or swaggery and others fall for them all the time.
I also know beautiful people who are foul-mannered, and their relationships never last.
And then all the others in between these two extremes. The good-looking one who had stinky pits like the rest of us after an all-nighter. The average-looking one with a wicked sense of humour, only after 3 conversations though. The dummy-looking one who actually has a strength so niche it's effing admirable. The chatterbox, the joker, the quietly brilliant ... on and on it goes. Oh and let's not forget the time factor; personalities change, experience builds up et cetra.
See, that's how you get over this "biological defect." First impressions may be Tinder-like, but we (life?) are so much more sophisticated than that.
No idea what social individualism is but the way I see is this: Nurture yourself to be the person you think you are, and open yourself to interactions. Invest in the relationships once you get them. Be empathical, even if you 'lose'. If everyone does this, we're on track to a happier, more loving society.
Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)
#214Marriage, monogamy, and (romantic) love are conservative notions that are close to being (or should be) marginalized in my opinion. Romantic love, especially, is an extremely superficial and hollow idea exalted to high heavens by the group-think of the masses. I gave up religion, and over the years realized that love is the second, way more sneaky and no less damaging, delusion that humanity indulges in. It has to go…
Bear in mind that everybody loves something, even if it's just beer, or ice cream, or criticizing other people.
'Love' means giving something full attention (metaphorically speaking, to "open your heart fully" to that something).
Btw, this Roald Dahl extract from 'The Twits' is relevant to visual attraction:
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/e8/54/ef/e854...
Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)
#215Earlier quoted context omitted.
4 and a half wives? would you mind to explain?
4 wives and a lover?
IMHO that should be counted as 6 wives.
I was thinking of different scenario:
if his wives has the same rights as he has - one of his wives can have 2 husbands.
So if we look at it this way - he has 4.5 wives indeed
Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)
#216Marriage, monogamy, and (romantic) love are conservative notions that are close to being (or should be) marginalized in my opinion. Romantic love, especially, is an extremely superficial and hollow idea exalted to high heavens by the group-think of the masses. I gave up religion, and over the years realized that love is the second, way more sneaky and no less damaging, delusion that humanity indulges in. It has to go…
I appreciate you sharing, but you need to realize that your own, internal experience is guaranteed to be unique to you. This is why studies have to be done; otherwise, we all go off our non-generalizable* personal experiences. * I mean, some part of it is generalizable, but which parts and how? > beauty is in the eye of the beholder I have (and am actually currently) feeling my brain changing its opinions on human ae…
I have also noticed this. When I was younger, I had 0-1 crushes at any time. But today I find beauty in a lot of different people.
Maybe it's maturity, maybe it's the 'clock' in my male brain urging me to find someone, anyone, but like you I do enjoy this change.
Maybe one day when I've fully progressed from the binary rating of beauty to the continuous rating I will continue on to the unary rating: everyone is equally beautiful in their own way.
Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)
#217Earlier quoted context omitted.
4 wives and a lover?
IMHO that should be counted as 6 wives. I was thinking of different scenario: if his wives has the same rights as he has - one of his wives can have 2 husbands. So if we look at it this way - he has 4.5 wives indeed
Wish a country had both polygamy and polyandry to allow for those situations. Although the tax code might become a tad complicated.
Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)
#218Earlier quoted context omitted.
I appreciate you sharing, but you need to realize that your own, internal experience is guaranteed to be unique to you. This is why studies have to be done; otherwise, we all go off our non-generalizable* personal experiences. * I mean, some part of it is generalizable, but which parts and how? > beauty is in the eye of the beholder I have (and am actually currently) feeling my brain changing its opinions on human ae…
I have also noticed this. When I was younger, I had 0-1 crushes at any time. But today I find beauty in a lot of different people. Maybe it's maturity, maybe it's the 'clock' in my male brain urging me to find someone, anyone, but like you I do enjoy this change. Maybe one day when I've fully progressed from the binary rating of beauty to the continuous rating I will continue on to the unary rating: everyone is equal…
> 0-1 crushes at any time
It's only this year or so that I've got 1+ (1-3, I think) proper crushes at the same time. Part of it is the "unbundling of intimacy" - if I like you one way, I don't need to like you ALL of the other ways, or be bothered that I might like someone else in more ways / more strongly.
Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)
#219You should also read part 2 of the article. After some relationships from 18-28 that all ended unhappy, I decided to screen my next partner in a very rational way. Of course I wanted romance and some attractiveness out of my next girlfriend, but I primarily wanted a friend that I could talk to when we were 95 and sitting in wheelchairs next to each other, unable to do much else. Destiny called and the girl I then met…
His other articles are also amazing. Elon Musk asked him personally to write about SpaceX, Tesla, and Neuralink.
Would you share some urls?
Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)
#220Earlier quoted context omitted.
> about a month in we did a spreadsheet of ~270 questions about how we wanted to live. Would you be willing to share this spreadsheet?
http://www.connact.com/~hom/blog/276questions.htm
Thanks for posting it. Some interesting questions.
Needs to be updated a bit, looks like it was created 15 years ago.