How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014) • Hacker News Board

Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)

#61

Post by tluyben2 » Mon, Aug 07, 2017, 9:46 PM UTC

bllguo wrote: post #57

bananabill wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Unfortunately most people are still stuck in the mindset that everyone who isn't broken inside wants children. I've never wanted children at any point in my life, but I'm wrong apparently.

But from a biological/evolutionary/whatever perspective, isn't not wanting children definitely "wrong"?

Debatable in a world that is (also debatable) overcrowded and lacking resources.

But in general sure; maybe OP has been to a lot of birthdays (as have I) where people stare at you like you just told you are a serial killer. While in reality you just don't want kids. That goes away when you go over 40 though. Then some people even start to envy you for your freedom. Generally better not care what other people think. It's a tiring and pointless thing.

Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)

#62

Post by tluyben2 » Mon, Aug 07, 2017, 9:46 PM UTC

wnissen wrote: post #60

tluyben2 wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Most people want to have children. How do you know? My friends who did have kids had intricate dynamics around that where 'want to have' was not really a big part of the equation. Pressure, religion, 'that is what you do', 'my spouse wants to', 'maybe now life gets better' etc are often part of the equation. For the 'want to have' you will need to look inside people's heads.

85% of women have children at some point in their lives. This is just a fact. You may know that you're not having kids, but the vast, vast majority of people don't make that choice.

Ofcourse, but he said 'want'. Want to me implies something that is not automatic. Or maybe i'm reading that wrong. And where is that 85% from? Must be per country because in some countries it must be far lower.

Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)

#63

Post by mikebenfield » Mon, Aug 07, 2017, 9:47 PM UTC

overcast wrote: post #54

greekyogurt21 wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The hell are you talking about

I'm trying to understand what the act of being married, has to do with sharing your life with someone at any age. You can't be with someone, share you life together, and not be married?

You don't seem to understand the difference between a proposition and its converse.

"If a person wants to get married, s/he wants to share his/her life with someone" is (more or less) true, and is the premise everyone is working under.

The converse of that proposition is "If a person wants to share his/her life with someone, s/he wants to get married." That is what you for some reason appear to believe is the premise we are working under. But it's not.

Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)

#64

Post by a3_nm » Mon, Aug 07, 2017, 9:49 PM UTC

bllguo wrote: post #57

bananabill wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Unfortunately most people are still stuck in the mindset that everyone who isn't broken inside wants children. I've never wanted children at any point in my life, but I'm wrong apparently.

But from a biological/evolutionary/whatever perspective, isn't not wanting children definitely "wrong"?

What does biology/evolution/whatever have to do with the goals that you choose to set for your own life?

Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)

#65

Post by sliverstorm » Mon, Aug 07, 2017, 9:50 PM UTC

tristor wrote: post #38

This was a very insightful read for me, where I introspected and identified a lot of things I had done wrong myself in relationships. That said, it was also kind of depressing. It seems that one of the greatest unsolved challenges of life is efficient matchmaking, and despite all the technology poured into it we are nowhere close to having a good solution. Swipe-apps (latest generation of matchmaking) are completely…

I won't argue it can't be improved, but the process of growing & coming to know yourself involves a certain amount of failure. There's nothing wrong with meeting a lot of people you are a bad match for.

Of course I do understand the tedium of endless strings of dud matchups, and we can't ignore the out-of-pocket expense! But IMO that's an issue with the pool, not the algorithm.

Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)

#66

Post by vilmosi » Mon, Aug 07, 2017, 9:50 PM UTC

bllguo wrote: post #57

bananabill wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Unfortunately most people are still stuck in the mindset that everyone who isn't broken inside wants children. I've never wanted children at any point in my life, but I'm wrong apparently.

But from a biological/evolutionary/whatever perspective, isn't not wanting children definitely "wrong"?

Well so is eating meat everyday or looking at a screen 30cm away most of the day or not dying from an infection or having hot showers...

Who cares at this point, just live your life, you owe nothing to "evolution".

Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)

#67

Post by jerrylives » Mon, Aug 07, 2017, 9:52 PM UTC

wnissen wrote: post #60

tluyben2 wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Most people want to have children. How do you know? My friends who did have kids had intricate dynamics around that where 'want to have' was not really a big part of the equation. Pressure, religion, 'that is what you do', 'my spouse wants to', 'maybe now life gets better' etc are often part of the equation. For the 'want to have' you will need to look inside people's heads.

85% of women have children at some point in their lives. This is just a fact. You may know that you're not having kids, but the vast, vast majority of people don't make that choice.

Cool citation

Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)

#68

Post by RangerScience » Mon, Aug 07, 2017, 9:53 PM UTC

fizixer wrote: post #46

Marriage, monogamy, and (romantic) love are conservative notions that are close to being (or should be) marginalized in my opinion. Romantic love, especially, is an extremely superficial and hollow idea exalted to high heavens by the group-think of the masses. I gave up religion, and over the years realized that love is the second, way more sneaky and no less damaging, delusion that humanity indulges in. It has to go…

I appreciate you sharing, but you need to realize that your own, internal experience is guaranteed to be unique to you. This is why studies have to be done; otherwise, we all go off our non-generalizable* personal experiences.

* I mean, some part of it is generalizable, but which parts and how?

> beauty is in the eye of the beholder

I have (and am actually currently) feeling my brain changing its opinions on human aesthetics and forms. This is far from the first time. It is actually a distinct feeling that I quite enjoy, and it's very different from the "acquired taste" feeling from, say, whiskeys.

In other words, although I have no idea how many people share this experience, I have a direct, personal experience of beauty being in the eye of the beholder.

Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)

#69

Post by greenshackle2 » Mon, Aug 07, 2017, 9:53 PM UTC

bllguo wrote: post #57

bananabill wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Unfortunately most people are still stuck in the mindset that everyone who isn't broken inside wants children. I've never wanted children at any point in my life, but I'm wrong apparently.

But from a biological/evolutionary/whatever perspective, isn't not wanting children definitely "wrong"?

From that perspective it's also wrong not to want to impregnate other men's wives on the sly and have them raise the kid for you.

Re: How to Pick Your Life Partner (2014)

#70

Post by sliverstorm » Mon, Aug 07, 2017, 9:54 PM UTC

xupybd wrote: post #20

Sounds great if you have lots of options. Some of us are getting older and haven't made it past anyone else's filter. At some point your will to just try and make it work regardless of the match.

You aren't wrong, but (at the risk of stating an obvious strategy) perhaps you'd be happier in the long run investing that effort into making yourself an attractive match, instead of making a bad match bearable?

Double-bonus in that investing in yourself leaves you better off & happy, with or without a match.

Personal experience, after devoting my soul to my degree, I graduated a likable, intelligent, boring person. It took many years of purposefully expanding my horizons, to get beyond that.