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Ask HN: Lack of self-discipline driving me hopeless. Tips?

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Re: Ask HN: Lack of self-discipline driving me hopeless. Tips?

#101

Post by fdschoeneman »

Tichy wrote: post #66
fdschoeneman wrote: post #41

Dude, you don't have ADD. You aren't bipolar. You're a normal young man -- or at least within the range of normal for young men. Forget therapists. Forget drugs. Forget everything you've been told, and join the Army. Seriously. Trust me. Yes, yes, I know that you don't know me. But you're describing me in this post, and a lot of guys I knew back when I was in: Smart guys, but bored. Can't concentrate in class. Can't…

"you will have plenty of time to kill yourself" And plenty of opportunities, too, I suppose. Isn't there another way than becoming a soldier? I was going to suggest going traveling, for example a hike over several weeks. That would also be physically demanding and good for focus. I tend to agree with the "normal young man" thesis.

A long hike might work. But whatever he does, he needs to pick something that is achievable, and that he'll finish. I worry that traveling might not provide the structure he may need.

Re: Ask HN: Lack of self-discipline driving me hopeless. Tips?

#102

Post by fdschoeneman »

y_a_u wrote: post #68
fdschoeneman wrote: post #41

Dude, you don't have ADD. You aren't bipolar. You're a normal young man -- or at least within the range of normal for young men. Forget therapists. Forget drugs. Forget everything you've been told, and join the Army. Seriously. Trust me. Yes, yes, I know that you don't know me. But you're describing me in this post, and a lot of guys I knew back when I was in: Smart guys, but bored. Can't concentrate in class. Can't…

I have a similar story as the OP, and have given serious thought to enlisting. There's one problem: I don't want to get shot or blown up. Joining the army would mean going where I'm actively wanted dead. Am I wrong?

The OP specifically mentioned that he was looking at suicide sites. Joining the military is by no means a tactic for suicide, but his problem is that he's afraid of living and of making the wrong choices, not that he's afraid of dying. The military isn't for everyone, but can be a rewarding career for many more people than think it can.

Re: Ask HN: Lack of self-discipline driving me hopeless. Tips?

#103

Post by prodigal_erik »

drhodes wrote: post #88
Qz wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Wow, that Too Many Aptitudes thing is spot on for me. I've been struggling with that exact problem, every other month I'm a hacker, a fiction writer, a philosopher, a graphics designer, a jeweler, a social worker, a fashion designer, etc, etc. My latest effort has been just to accept that my interests will rotate and rather than abandon old projects, just come back to them when I get interested in them again, and hop…

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." -Robert A. Heinlein

It's a very stirring quote, and one I used to like. But the only way to do novel work is to go far enough in one direction that you get past the problem space all the specialists have already covered, and that seems hard to do part-time.

Re: Ask HN: Lack of self-discipline driving me hopeless. Tips?

#105

Post by stretchwithme »

Damnit wrote: post #97
stretchwithme wrote: post #75

I've struggled with trying to make a success of my company too and my family is far away and I've had thoughts similar to yours. But I always came back to the fact that I can always do something different. I can drop everything and go back to where I grew up and just take an ordinary job. Remember that there is nothing more important than your life and desire to succeed at a startup or in corporate America or anythin…

Remember that there is nothing more important than your life and desire to succeed at a startup or in corporate America or anything else is just conditioning and not necessarily important at all. That's something I cannot come to terms with. I really want to succeed. I know I can succeed if I just became disciplined and focused.

Not sure of the situation but for me nothing focuses me more than having a real customer and/or collaborator to whom I've made real commitments to.

When I've worked on my own, its real easy to get distracted and rationalize putting things off. I'd be lucky to get in a full eight hours.

But working with others, I found myself working many hours beyond even the time we spent directly collaborating. Because I had to deliver on my commitments. I think many people need that.

Re: Ask HN: Lack of self-discipline driving me hopeless. Tips?

#106

Post by caffeine »

Damnit wrote: post #96
caffeine wrote: post #94

Hi Damnit, Just wanted to say that I exhibit much the same set of phenomena that you do. I don't ever finish anything I start, I always look for something new, I ride the wave of exhilaration that comes from sinking my teeth into some serious new intellectual problem, coding 18 hour days, and then give up entirely a week later and endlessly refresh HN. I quit jobs and relationships etc. all the time, and then strike…

Thanks for taking time to comment. How did you work your struggles with discipline? ie. I have tried meditation/yoga/working out many times only to relapse and give up week or month later. This pattern has repeated so many times in the last 5 years I have reached a point I don't want to try anything new because of the fear/knowledge that it won't stick.

> I don't want to try anything new because of the fear/knowledge that it won't stick

My point was ... so what if it doesn't stick? Just don't worry about it. So you're a person who starts things but doesn't finish them. Big deal. Just enjoy whatever you're doing while you do it and when you're sick of it and feel like something else, do that. Just go with it.

You can't fight this kind of thing .. just roll with it, accept and enjoy the fact that this is your personality. At least you're not boring!

That mindset is how I deal with this, and it's worked fine for me. You don't have to be or do anything. You're OK already.

Re: Ask HN: Lack of self-discipline driving me hopeless. Tips?

#108

Post by foxtrot »

A dude - you summed my self up perfectly too. I have been on anti-depressants before and they didn't help too much, however the thing with anti-depressants is you cant compare two days side by side, 1 on meds and the other not, they just dont work like that. You have to be on them for a month before they start to work and once you stop they stay in your system for a couple of months.

I always hated anti-depressants and was one of those naive people who say its all in your head, and to an extent it mostly is. The problem is that if its in your head how do you change your way of thinking.

Personally I get pre-occupied with the thought of failure rather than success, and when you constantly think you will fail at something you immediately put you self on the back foot regardless of what you want to do.

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