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Ask HN: Lack of self-discipline driving me hopeless. Tips?

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Re: Ask HN: Lack of self-discipline driving me hopeless. Tips?

#81

Post by Loic »

If you read the literature, from ancient Greek to nowadays, you will find that every body is fighting the same thing at different degree. The main problem we all have on this Earth is that our life is relatively short and when we are comfortable enough to have food/friends/etc. we automatically start to ask ourselves, directly or not:

What do I want to do in my life?

From what you described, you have no answer to this question. You can see a psychiatrist, take some drugs, use all the GTD tricks or whatever, if you do not have this goal of what you want to do, this will only make the problem worse. You will be able to do a lot (in fact you already do a lot) but you will still have strictly no reasons to focus on anything.

So go, find a goal. Find friends who can help you to find a goal. Find strangers, too. Go meditate a week long. Do whatever you need to clear your mind and find 1 or 2 things you can do fully (your mind, your body etc.) for at least the next year (you are young, your life goal will change a lot) and do it/them.

You are lucky to ask yourself what is going on in your 20's. If you do not answer this question, imagine getting a standard job + family and then asking yourself the same question with 40... so, do it now and again on a regular basis.

We are all in the same boat and for most of us, the long term goal of our life is just a pleasant string of short/middle term goals with happiness on top of it.

Re: Ask HN: Lack of self-discipline driving me hopeless. Tips?

#82

Post by swah »

Most people are like that, in varying degree. The internets have certainly made it easier for us to stop doing stuff for more attractive stuff. If I was in jail with only one book, I bet one could really read it and grok it. Something similar is happening to me right now: a website I was developing has moved beyond the "cool" phase to the "now I need hard work" phase and I already started playing with another website...

Re: Ask HN: Lack of self-discipline driving me hopeless. Tips?

#83

Post by vincekrish »

mgkimsal wrote: post #2

I wouldn't rule out something medically not quite optimal with your brain and you may want to talk to a professional about some medication to help bring things in to a balance (you didn't mention that you'd done that yet or not). Medical aspects aside, it sounds like you've not been able to find a niche yet. I'm not trying to trivialize this, but you obviously do have some passion (as others note) but you can't chann…

Thanks a ton for the TMA link. It was like reading a manual about myself. I have been struggling with my job choices ever since I started working 3 years back. I find it difficult to fit into the system, and I find myself questioning authority all the time. Somewhere down the line I realized that I am able to perform at my best when I am put in an environment with very less restrictions and I have the freedom to make strategic decisions. Being given a list of specs and then coding to the specs is just not my kind of thing. I have often felt confused about my career decision to be a programmer due to this reason.

Just like the OP I find it difficult to sustain my interests for a long time. I have been trying for my own startup for the past one and a half years. I start on ideas with very high initial enthusiasm, but in a few weeks I have given up on the idea and jumped to the next exciting one. Looking back on the last one year or so I feel disappointed with myself for wasting possible opportunities. But many thanks to the OP and all other good HN'ers for throwing more light on this issue. I feel I understand myself better now, and i'm going to approach my interests with a new sense of purpose. Thanks again.

Re: Ask HN: Lack of self-discipline driving me hopeless. Tips?

#84

Post by mgkimsal »

Damnit wrote: post #39
mgkimsal wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You're plenty welcome. And... as odd as it may have seemed, the phone number's there if/when you want to chat. It may amount to absolutely nothing, or it might be useful for the both of us. I'm not awake 24/7, but am available quite a lot :) By way of reference, I'm plenty older than you, and have dealt with a lot of how you feel (except for the startup in highschool stuff!) since my teens - it definitely can get bet…

You're so generous. Thank you again! You may also be local to me(yay 919ers).

yep - yay 919ers! I'll be at the PHP meetup group in Carrboro on July 14th, but I live near Wake Forest in north Raleigh :)

Re: Ask HN: Lack of self-discipline driving me hopeless. Tips?

#85

Post by mgkimsal »

vincekrish wrote: post #83
mgkimsal wrote: post #2

I wouldn't rule out something medically not quite optimal with your brain and you may want to talk to a professional about some medication to help bring things in to a balance (you didn't mention that you'd done that yet or not). Medical aspects aside, it sounds like you've not been able to find a niche yet. I'm not trying to trivialize this, but you obviously do have some passion (as others note) but you can't chann…

Thanks a ton for the TMA link. It was like reading a manual about myself. I have been struggling with my job choices ever since I started working 3 years back. I find it difficult to fit into the system, and I find myself questioning authority all the time. Somewhere down the line I realized that I am able to perform at my best when I am put in an environment with very less restrictions and I have the freedom to make…

No problem - glad I could help shed some light on things. I've recently come to that conclusion about work - currently I'm best when I get to make strategic decisions, whether it's about which client work to take, code architecture, or just about anything really.

"Being given a list of specs and then coding to the specs is just not my kind of thing" I bet creating the architecture for how the problem will be solved in the first place is more your kind of thing. I used to think every programmer wanted to be an architect, then realized a few years ago that wasn't the case.

Hang in there, and keep working at it!

Re: Ask HN: Lack of self-discipline driving me hopeless. Tips?

#86

Post by c3o »

A friend of mine committed suicide last December, at your age and from what I can tell, in a similar situation (he was even also a previous YC participant). It hurts how much reading this reminds me of him.

You mention some people know this side of you (to what degree?) but that they don't know how to help you. I think it's critical that during this rough patch you're going through, in addition to receiving anonymous advice here on HN, you surround yourself with supportive people in real life. Even if it's just one person that sticks with you through this, that you are completely open to and stay in close touch with about your plans and progress as you try therapy, medication and various other techniques.

For ideas on how to involve other people without having to be embarrassed or being too much of a burden, read about Jane McGonigal's "recovery game": http://blog.avantgame.com/2009/09/super-better-or-how-to-tur...

I wish you all the best.

Re: Ask HN: Lack of self-discipline driving me hopeless. Tips?

#87

Post by Radko »

mmaro wrote: post #63

Read P.J. Eby's "Thinking Things Done". It's unfinished, but chapters 1-7 are very good. You have to sign up for his mailing list to receive them. I found out about this from http://lesswrong.com/lw/21r/pain_and_gain_motivation/ Consider spending a lot of time alone, or at least outside any institution for a while. Hell is other people. It's hard for me to think clearly when other people's thoughts are an important p…

Signed up for the mailing list, but only chapters 1-2 are available. Anyone got a link to chapters 3-7?

Re: Ask HN: Lack of self-discipline driving me hopeless. Tips?

#88

Post by drhodes »

Qz wrote: post #19
mgkimsal wrote: post #2

I wouldn't rule out something medically not quite optimal with your brain and you may want to talk to a professional about some medication to help bring things in to a balance (you didn't mention that you'd done that yet or not). Medical aspects aside, it sounds like you've not been able to find a niche yet. I'm not trying to trivialize this, but you obviously do have some passion (as others note) but you can't chann…

Wow, that Too Many Aptitudes thing is spot on for me. I've been struggling with that exact problem, every other month I'm a hacker, a fiction writer, a philosopher, a graphics designer, a jeweler, a social worker, a fashion designer, etc, etc. My latest effort has been just to accept that my interests will rotate and rather than abandon old projects, just come back to them when I get interested in them again, and hop…

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."

-Robert A. Heinlein

Re: Ask HN: Lack of self-discipline driving me hopeless. Tips?

#90

Post by mr_twj »

BipolarBob wrote: post #70
Damnit wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah I've read up on it and it's one of my default "jokes" to new friends("dude! you've no idea how bipolar I am")--only they don't know that I am not really joking. Still I have a lot of stigma about officially getting tested for this stuff.

Funny this should come up because I'm also a 23 year old university student (undergrad) and I started medication for bipolar II a week and a half ago. I've had similar problems with focus and discipline. I've tried alleviating them by exercising (working out with the ROTC at 6 AM), eating well, making important commitments, doing Buddhist mindfulness exercises, listening to Eckhart Tolle, writing myself a contract th…

Same here but with Olanzapine + Valproic Acid + lithium + Paroxetine - 2 years in age + a suicide attempt.
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