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Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

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Re: Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

#91

Post by Nihilartikel »

As an introverted, quiet, and pathologically sensitive by nature person, I found this article to be an interesting perspective. Also liked the 'magi', 'farmer', 'warrior' personality disposition vectors.

In the pursuit of not letting my own emotions and tendency towards avoidance of potential conflict or failure rule my actions I had the notion that no person is well served by being much more self conscious than a golden retriever. That is, their feelings remain in the moment, and then they move on.

This got me running with a few other dog metaphors that have served me well. For instance, I consider my own emotions, instincts, and drives as if they were also 'dogs'. Different dogs with different dispositions. Some fearful, running to hide at the drop of a hat. Others willful, jumping up on the table to grab the steak even though there will be hell or hangover to pay for later. Still others coiled, tense, and ready to bite.

The question is, is the measure of a (hu)man, the sum of their dogs? I would opine that the better measure is in the ability of their master to keep them on leashes of the right length, and to perhaps, if possible, train them to sit and shake when it is needed in order to act as the person that you really wish to be. Just like training a dog or strengthening ones grip on their leash it takes consistent, deliberate, exercise and it will not happen with any amount of wishful thinking or un-acted-upon research into bettering ones' self.

Stoicism seems to be a bit of a cliche of late, but I can say that it found me at the right time, and that it's brought a lot of value as a non-doctrinal system of perspective for ones' place in the universe and how to best leverage the one thing that you can actually hope to control, yourself.

I'll allow myself a feeling of pride when I reach the point that a surprise verbal assault leaves me not with an hour of bruised ego, red face, and bristling nape, but with the same neutral irritation as when the ornery dog of a negligent owner barks and growls at me in passing. After all, what's the difference if the persons belligerence has as little to teach me as the dog's? Would I vow vengeance on the dog to protect my honor? Lie awake at night wondering what I did wrong? Of course not. It proves nothing and I have better things to do.

Re: Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

#92

Post by Retra »

PhasmaFelis wrote: post #16
JustSomeNobody wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The people usually opposed are the ones who wish to maintain some sort of control.

Why is this (currently) being downvoted? The purpose of closed salaries is to keep wages down.

Well, I down-voted it because it's vague, in-actionable, and conspiratorial.

Re: Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

#93

Post by PhasmaFelis »

Retra wrote: post #92
PhasmaFelis wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why is this (currently) being downvoted? The purpose of closed salaries is to keep wages down.

Well, I down-voted it because it's vague, in-actionable, and conspiratorial.

Are you arguing that the purpose of secret salaries isn't to keep employees from a better understanding of how much the company would be willing to pay them? We can have that discussion, but it would help if you made a coherent counterproposal. If you claim that open salaries cause significant friction between employees, for example, please cite comparisons to the countries and business where open salaries are common; there's enough of them that data should be available.

Re: Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

#94

Post by [deleted] »

gboudrias wrote: post #84

This is amateur psychology, and it's mostly wrong. Psychology is a real field and writing about what you don't know in this field can do more harm than good. I stopped at: > Getting anger out requires some physical activity to get the adrenaline to metabolize. This has been disproven. "Letting it out" only leads you to be more aggressive. Maybe at a more appropriate time, but still, it doesn't "calm you down". Time a…

[deleted]

Re: Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

#95

Post by 0xcde4c3db »

mfoy_ wrote: post #6
rhizome wrote: post #3

Is "stun-locked" from a video game I don't play or TV show I don't watch? A lot of the psychologizing and self-diagnosis in this post could be cut out if the author realized he was simply being verbally abused by an asshole. Which he was. No need for the "red" and "green" stuff. "Why" rarely matters, and even less often is something you can do anything about, while choosing your response is. Sometimes that response s…

"stun-locked" is video game terminology, at least as far as my understanding of it goes. Essentially some act "stuns" you, in this case a direct challenge or statement made by the guy verbally assaulting him sends him reeling. Each statement is made successively so he was stunned by each statement... hence "stun-locked" as in he was stunned, then stunned again, then again, and had no time to collect himself or respon…

As an illustration, here's a speedrunner stun-locking the first boss of Final Fight [1].

[1] https://youtu.be/_UPVa_ftVWk?t=58

(Explanation: in Final Fight, you can normally only chain 3-4 hits on an enemy before knocking them down, which makes them invulnerable until they stand up. However, if you miss an attack, it resets the counter. Turning around, punching the air, and then landing another hit can be done in less than the length of most enemy stuns.)

Re: Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

#96

Post by AnimalMuppet »

JumpCrisscross wrote: post #87
AnimalMuppet wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And that may be exactly what is needed. If someone is trying to be the alpha-jerk, playing emotionally manipulative games, they're not teachable (at least not at that moment). Compassionately asking whether they had a rough childhood is not going to help. (I mean, it might, at a different time and setting. It won't in the current one, though.) And what they are doing is not OK . Life is too short to have to deal with…

> It's probably better to inform the jerk, in no uncertain terms, that behaving that way will have immediate negative consequences There's a bright line between telling someone they're being rude and being rude back. OP could communicate something like "you're coming across super aggressively right now; that makes it hard for me to have this conversation." That draws a clear maturity line. Such lines can motivate bet…

You're right, of course, on all counts.

Today doesn't seem to be my high point for patience...

Re: Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

#97

Post by dpritchett »

burritofanatic wrote: post #30

Lift heavy; do Jiu Jitsu - deter the manager from ever attempting to verbally abuse you lest risking discordance. Relish in your newfound mental clarity.

First response to a coworker storming in to cuss you should be to stand up to your full height and look them straight in the eye. You're not the one who set this belligerent tone, they are.

Re: Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

#99

Post by accountyaccount »

maxxxxx wrote: post #62
accountyaccount wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A manager could then point to the salary of someone in the same position and say "Jane gets paid $X in the same position, it would be unfair to give you a raise and not her" I don't work somewhere with transparent salaries and I already get that excuse — I've more than once heard "you're kind of already at the top of our range for X position" and "if we pay you anymore you'll be making more than me!"

There is a very good chance the manager lied to you.

story of my life

Re: Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

#100

Post by PhasmaFelis »

BurningFrog wrote: post #79
PhasmaFelis wrote: post #74

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It just baffles me that people are drive-by downvoting this on Hacker News of all places. I think most of us here agree that transparency is desirable in government, software development, security, and so many other areas. Why do employers get a pass with the tired old "we're keeping secrets from you for your own good" line?

HN also agrees that privacy is desirable in just about as many areas.

How is my privacy protected by a rule that says I'm not allowed to disclose my salary to my coworkers? Because that's what we're talking about, not just that the company doesn't publish salaries.
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