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Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

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Re: Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

#21

Post by benwills »

rhizome wrote: post #3

Is "stun-locked" from a video game I don't play or TV show I don't watch? A lot of the psychologizing and self-diagnosis in this post could be cut out if the author realized he was simply being verbally abused by an asshole. Which he was. No need for the "red" and "green" stuff. "Why" rarely matters, and even less often is something you can do anything about, while choosing your response is. Sometimes that response s…

My guess is that you don't intend to be insensitive, but the awareness you're demonstrating here shows a lack of empathy and true understanding/acceptance of the emotional sensitivities to others, particularly this author. To minimize someone's emotional state/response isn't only insensitive (intended or not), it's also abrasive. I'd imagine it's also likely causing problems for you in other areas of your life, if you look and/or solicit candid feedback from people around you that aren't quite like you are.

If you're (or anyone else) interested in talking more about it, feel free to let me know. I had to do a lot of similar work starting from a similar place as you're describing. You (and anyone else seeing nothing "wrong" with the author's response) might also consider reading Karla McLaren's _The_Language_of_Emotions_.

Re: Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

#22

Post by canadian123456 »

pavel_lishin wrote: post #14
canadian123456 wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Open salaries will bring down the salary of anyone willing to negotiate.

How so?

They can afford to pay those who negotiate closer to their true value (often still significantly less) is because they pay the vast majority of people less.

The only way transparent salaries help the majority instead of being used as a tool for businesses to just say, "We only pay 100k/yr, that's what everyone makes" is if there is some body enforcing fair pay.

Re: Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

#23

Post by silassales »

scottLobster wrote: post #18

Seems like most of his advice could be summed up as: "Don't over-complicate the situation". To use his first example, when he's being insulted why spin off into emotional-analysis neverland? What's happening there is you're being abused by an asshole, and you should respond to said abuse and, once that situation is resolved, examine the real issue more thoroughly. I'm speaking as someone who used to think exactly lik…

> In general, no one cares. No one cares if you're partially wrong, no one cares if you're a little off or awkward, no one beyond your family/SO and close friends gives a flying fuck about your emotions.

Took me awhile to figure this one out, but once I did, life was significantly better.

Re: Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

#24

Post by RodericDay »

PhasmaFelis wrote: post #16
JustSomeNobody wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The people usually opposed are the ones who wish to maintain some sort of control.

Why is this (currently) being downvoted? The purpose of closed salaries is to keep wages down.

Everyone opposed to public salaries thinks they're the special snowflakes with a secret sweetheart deal.

Re: Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

#25

Post by Swizec »

scottLobster wrote: post #18

Seems like most of his advice could be summed up as: "Don't over-complicate the situation". To use his first example, when he's being insulted why spin off into emotional-analysis neverland? What's happening there is you're being abused by an asshole, and you should respond to said abuse and, once that situation is resolved, examine the real issue more thoroughly. I'm speaking as someone who used to think exactly lik…

I came to a similar realization a few years ago. Helped a lot with dating.

You are the only constant in your life. The only person with complete continuity (outside any mishaps/substances). That moment you're obsessing over? To everyone else it's just a 3min awkward interaction with a random person they're never going to see again. Or a bit of weirdness in a relationship that's going to last a small fraction of their life if you're lucky.

Relax, do stuff, experiment, have fun. You're the only one who cares. Say something random, see what happens.

Re: Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

#26

Post by ekr »

rhizome wrote: post #3

Is "stun-locked" from a video game I don't play or TV show I don't watch? A lot of the psychologizing and self-diagnosis in this post could be cut out if the author realized he was simply being verbally abused by an asshole. Which he was. No need for the "red" and "green" stuff. "Why" rarely matters, and even less often is something you can do anything about, while choosing your response is. Sometimes that response s…

> "Do I have to feel that I grasp the "Warrior" mentality in order to tell someone they're being rude?"

The point of the article is that for some people it's impossible to respond in that situation, hence the "stun-locked". You feel the adrenaline rushing, but something holds you back. The author describes this fairly comprehensively.

Also, if you look at this guy's achievements, he's no blogger. I remember studying his lock free hash table implementation at one point.

But alas, I do agree with you that all this stuff is pseudo-scientific, and could well use some epistemic framework.

Re: Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

#27

Post by chiph »

pmoriarty wrote: post #17
TimPC wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Many people feel open salaries and professional organizations inadequately handle specializations. In University sectors there have been effects like: CS lecturers not allowed to be paid more because positions are harder to fill vs say Fine Art History lecturers. I'm not saying that's bad overall, but I can certainly see why CS lecturers might not like it. I think it's fairly easy for these models to fail at bringing…

"CS lecturers not allowed to be paid more because positions are harder to fill vs say Fine Art History lecturers" Why does this sound backwards to me? If a position is hard to fill, wouldn't you want to pay the person more so that they don't leave? Conversely, if a position is easy to fill, wouldn't the university pay less, since if the person leaves they'll be easy to replace? How does paying someone less because th…

It's so no one's feelings are hurt if they find out that the new associate professor in the hard-to-fill position is making more than a tenured full professor in a different department.

Re: Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

#28

Post by stephengillie »

RodericDay wrote: post #24
PhasmaFelis wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why is this (currently) being downvoted? The purpose of closed salaries is to keep wages down.

Everyone opposed to public salaries thinks they're the special snowflakes with a secret sweetheart deal.

Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat, but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires. - John Steinbeck (disputed)
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