Processing Emotions

Feelings are facts. Emotions are labels we apply to those feelings. The Fine Article deliberately glosses over this rather key distinction in a way that cedes an opportunity to make the very point you're making here.

This is — or can be — a problem, because we tend to identify with the labels much more strongly than the experiences, which can be consequential for our long-term mental health.

I agree that "managing" is a poor term here. In my practice I use the term "engage" with the emotion. Feel it. Surrender to it.

Action is very often a way to escape the intensity of an experience.

Emotions are temporary, more temporary than our long-term goals. If we allow emotions to control our actions, we become unable to pursue goals which require any significant process. Sometimes you have to not pursue someone you love in order to preserve existing relationships. Sometimes you have to stick with a job you hate to build your career. Inability to pursue long-term goals is not the path to happiness.

Further, emotions may not even allow you to achieve short term goals. Love says go for it, but fear says rejection will be devastating. Hate says quit your job, but depression says quitting will change nothing. Obeying your emotions is not always a freeing action.

Of course sometimes the easiest way to process an emotion is to act on it, and sometimes that's okay. But let emotions fuel actions that take you in a direction you want to go, rather than letting emotions dictate the direction.

Face value does not mandate mindless reaction. This is juvenile. I'm not saying "fuck it, quit your job". I'm saying, you should not think you can alter how you feel about your job, which - as a matter of hard fact - you hate. So many people spew excuses and find outlets and vent when all that is doing is spreading the hate. The hard truth is in your face the whole time - you hate your job. And instead of doing something about it, we often live with it and spread it.

Quitting or changing your job is a tough but legitimate option. Reality is far more manageable than changing how you feel with mind games or "therapy". This is trying to change something that has already happen, and which you cannot prevent from happening. YOU HATE YOUR JOB.

Given how you feel, do what is most intelligent. Do what is right. Listen to your emotions, but don't obey them. But don't think you can change them either. Don't even try to. This is the very act of fighting with yourself. You don't want arguing with yourself to be part of your life's strategic handbook.

I may have strayed a bit, but the point is, my emphasis is on "don't manage the hate". If quitting your job isn't an option, so be it. But do something real about your circumstances. Don't try and manage your emotions.

Fight facts with action and with facts that you create, and never with your imagination.

That is all I am saying.