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How to make a friend fast

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Re: How to make a friend fast

#121

Post by pensast »

fragmede wrote: post #102
teirce wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Really? Does it? "Find a person, learn about each other's personal lives, gradually escalate," sounds like some 'the red-pill' nonsense to you?

That phrase is easily modified to take on a darker tone: "find a person, learn about each other's personal lives, gradually escalate to sleeping with them" makes me cautious. The very notion that it's possible for one person to engineer closeness has echoes within the pickup artist community, so it's worth unpacking the differences. If one person has zero interest in the other person past as a means to a very specifi…

Interest depends on context. Just because someone isn't interested in someone at first, doesn't mean they won't be after meeting them again.

Would you say the same thing about introducing people to food? I have a friend that hates steak because every time he had it, it was cooked well done.

It wasn't until I took to to a good steak place that he completely changed his mind. Did I manipulate him? Or just show him another way?

Re: How to make a friend fast

#122

Post by Bakary »

gpawl wrote: post #116
enraged_camel wrote: post #8

After a two year period of watching my boss interact with people, I can confirm that this method works extremely well. He is a "natural", in the sense that he can form close bonds with people incredibly quickly. At first I thought he was using some sort of secret strategy, but after a while I noticed that he was simply sharing personal details about himself (which the article refers to as "self-disclosure") without b…

Your boss almost certainly learned that trick from something like Dale Carnegie/Carnegey and practiced it. Oversharing with strangers (bragging about loving your children?!) is a classic manipulative tactic.

Is it bad to be manipulative if it results in closer bonds and thus a richer life?

Re: How to make a friend fast

#123

Post by Bakary »

threepipeproblm wrote: post #5
amelius wrote: post #3

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What is the correct spelling?

Eventually the correct spelling is driven by usage, and 'extrovert' is currently listed in dictionaries so... it's correct. Historically the term was 'extravert' in psych literature. I feel like more technical usage probably still leans that way.

The matching vowels make it a better spelling.

Re: How to make a friend fast

#124

Post by tjr225 »

77pt77 wrote: post #48
ams6110 wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah I'm not German (except by ancestry) and I get really uncomfortable when conversations go like that. Why is this guy trying to convince me he's such a great dad? What's his angle with that? I would definitely not take something like that as a sincere "personal disclosure" from someone I'd never met. I'd take it as more like a greasy salesman tactic.

This kind of "cultivated extroversion" is a very american quality.

I'm extroverted in this way, but it is very much who I am. I suppose I am just very American.

Re: How to make a friend fast

#125

Post by pensast »

mariodiana wrote: post #50
ams6110 wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah I'm not German (except by ancestry) and I get really uncomfortable when conversations go like that. Why is this guy trying to convince me he's such a great dad? What's his angle with that? I would definitely not take something like that as a sincere "personal disclosure" from someone I'd never met. I'd take it as more like a greasy salesman tactic.

I don't know if you're familiar with the title (it's a classic on the subject), but my understanding is that, in China, Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" is sold under the title: "The Weaknesses of Human Nature." One more anecdote about that book. In his Playboy interview, Marlon Brando referred to it as "a book on hustling." I bring this up because for some crazy reason, in the United States,…

In most East Asian cultures, there's no need for this type of small talk if you can find a personal connection with them.

For example, if you are a friend of a friend of a friend, then you're "in."

Since most East Asians will refer to their cousins as brothers or sisters directly, they also consider friends of friend's to be their direct friend.

Of course if you're a stranger, then you're a complete stranger. Whereas in American culture, we are much more polite to strangers.

Re: How to make a friend fast

#126

Post by WalterGR »

jackvalentine wrote: post #98
WalterGR wrote: post #95

Earlier quoted context omitted.

BTW, the person you originally replied to used "fast" as in "quickly," as in the title of this submission. The "fast friends" etymological discussion is a non sequitur.

That's true.

So, and this is honest curiosity re. understanding the HN mindset... why did you go on that tangent when the only thing it shared with the comment you replied to was words in common?

Re: How to make a friend fast

#127

Post by themodelplumber »

suneilp wrote: post #115

This is fascinating. I have for a long time been the introverted socially incompetent and weird (partially) one. A lot of that has changed for me recently. Going to Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu for a year now and doing more yoga has really helped me to figure out a lot of traumatic issues from the past, especially with racism during childhood. It's really reduced my fear of socializing with people. I'm now somewhere in betwee…

The current thinking among Jungian type professionals is that I/E labels can be misleading because everyone has access to, and opportunities to develop, both introverted and extraverted aspects. However this kind of change comes at the cost of some mental unrest, and because "home base" consists of two paired E&I attitudes each in one of four functions, we are advised to leverage those two first.

Introversion is my dominant attitude, but I can pair a strong extraverted thinking function (my #2) with that to overcome problems that may require an extensive, as opposed to intensive, approach. So Jung might call me an I, but I'm well-advised not to imbalance myself by resting all my weight on it. Also, extraverted thinking has relatively little association with sociality even though it is extraverted, but it can sure help me research ways to develop healthy relationships. HN is also in general a highly attractive source of information for those who naturally value extraverted thinking, or "facts concerning externalities". It makes sense that we'd eventually work around to blind spots like relationships here. :-)

Re: How to make a friend fast

#128

Post by icebraining »

nikofeyn wrote: post #118
suneilp wrote: post #115

This is fascinating. I have for a long time been the introverted socially incompetent and weird (partially) one. A lot of that has changed for me recently. Going to Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu for a year now and doing more yoga has really helped me to figure out a lot of traumatic issues from the past, especially with racism during childhood. It's really reduced my fear of socializing with people. I'm now somewhere in betwee…

i just want to point out the danger of associating introversion with social incompetence because the association is a poorly realized stereotype. it is entirely possible and not uncommon for an introvert to be highly socially competent. introversion and extroversion are more descriptors of how one handles mental energy than ratings of social competence and degrees of shyness. for example, i can be very social and out…

A good example is Audrey Hepburn. Movie star, UNICEF Ambassador, yet she said,

“I have to be alone very often. I'd be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That's how I refuel."

Re: How to make a friend fast

#130

Post by icebraining »

xapata wrote: post #99
mistermann wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Being unable to tell the difference between someone that likes you versus someone who is just being polite, and if you consider them a "friend" and act "accordingly" they would consider you a socially incompetent weirdo.

> consider you ... weirdo Unlikely. After all, they'd expect you to act the same way as them -- friendly despite not being a friend.

I think the idea is that you consider that friendly conversation as a start of a friendship whereas the other person doesn't, so it might be awkward when you call them up for a beer or something.
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