71–80 of 260 posts
Added to my daily flash cards
Interesting. How are you using flash cards in this sense, can you provide some more details please?
That reads like the instructions on pick-up artist forums.
" These manipulative geniuses chose a handful of university-level psychology classes early in the semester, divided the student volunteers (who didn't know each other) in pairs, and asked them to engage in an exercise designed to increase their closeness. " Psychology is the study of the psychology of psychology undergraduates. " Those with dismissive-avoidant personalities didn't get as close " The dismissive-avoida…
I've always wondered whether attachment style is not so much a function of the individual, but a function of the interaction between two individuals, where each party plays a role. I can think of many people that I am "secure" with, and others who I am "avoidant" with.
You can see this played out every day in designated smoking areas. I've observed smokers tend to become friends quickly. As smoking is increasingly frowned upon, everybody who shows up in the smoking area is sort of opening up and sharing a weakness with the other smokers just by being there.
It existed before the non-smokers called it a weakness. It's called assuming you have something in common with your fellow man, and being willing to make small talk under only that pretense. Source: two weeks into quitting.
I started drinking coffee so I could make that type of small talk with a common interest that's mostly harmless and had broader appeal. It's crazy that if you weren't a smoker or coffee drinker you missed out on a lot of interesting rumors and tiny bits of institutional knowledge.
Even in consulting I make sure to hit up the (coffee) watering hole at the client just to see people I don't see often. Instead of just getting water I find the time it takes to do things like mix creamer and sugar give me time to strike up a decent conversation with someone.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
> The method is hardly fast though A common misconception. The root of the phrase "fast friends" is actually steadfast friends. Meaning friends with a strong bond and sense of duty towards each other. I too had only heard of this study in terms of the romantic partner thing... I guess it makes sense to apply to any friendship. Edit: The above is all lies! Well, except the meaning. The phoney etymology is lies. See be…
I don’t think it was ever common for people to literally use the phrase “steadfast friends”. The word “fast” by itself meant (and still means sometimes) something like steady or firmly stuck. So “fast friends” per se was always a perfectly fine phrase. It hasn’t been shortened from some other form. People trying to explain the origin of the phrase “fast friends” point to the word “steadfast” as an example of where th…
Having actually looked in to this now with a bit more detail than "google it to check your understanding and look at the first result":
It appears you're right, and "fast" is derived from faest while steadfast is a combination of steade and... fast.
Fast friends is a perfectly cromulent phrase :)
You can see this played out every day in designated smoking areas. I've observed smokers tend to become friends quickly. As smoking is increasingly frowned upon, everybody who shows up in the smoking area is sort of opening up and sharing a weakness with the other smokers just by being there.
Interesting how this psychology paper showed up in the context of "making a friend." I had only known of this study as a way of creating romantic relationship, through a NYT Modern Love piece "To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do this." The method is hardly fast though - it requires two people to set aside a good chunk of time in a quiet setting to fully experience the gradual escalation of self-disclosure. When trying ou…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
It existed before the non-smokers called it a weakness. It's called assuming you have something in common with your fellow man, and being willing to make small talk under only that pretense. Source: two weeks into quitting.
I'm 78 days and 3 hours into it. There's not a day where I don't miss it, but there are no more cravings at this point. Just the good memories :P Stay strong!
You might put on a few pounds too as you start to actually taste food.
"Low ego-identity makes same-sex pairs closer, high ego-identity makes cross-sex pairs closer" Perhaps this statement is true, but is the end goal for both parties the same? For some reason, I find myself befriending mainly females (I am male). Yes, I have a high ego. However, I can never tell if the other person is interested in a friendship or something more. I always want to put them in the friend zone, but I have…
Instead, go for high energy but less ego. At the start deflate your own for their benefit, let your guard down; essentially "putting yourself out". Come down to their level for the first few outings.
Once you have their trust you can back off (slowly) so you don't seem fake or patronizing; if they say something or notice a change in their behavior be honest with them: explain how it's been difficult to make friends with shared interests. Hopefully they will trust you enough to look past any perceived slight and continue the friendship.
You may still need to be conscious of your ego or energy level if there's a big group disparity, you don't want to be singled out because they perceive you as difficult and them have the rest bond over that.