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How to make a friend fast

happyturtlethings.net

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Re: How to make a friend fast

#31

Post by donretag »

"Low ego-identity makes same-sex pairs closer, high ego-identity makes cross-sex pairs closer"

Perhaps this statement is true, but is the end goal for both parties the same?

For some reason, I find myself befriending mainly females (I am male). Yes, I have a high ego. However, I can never tell if the other person is interested in a friendship or something more. I always want to put them in the friend zone, but I have awkward situations in the recent past where these friends have either made subtle and not-so subtle advances. I am not interested in anything more than friendship. I do not want to lead anyone on. So yes, perhaps that pairing works well, but is friendship the goal?

In addition, males tend to bond during "experiences", so what I have been seeking as of late is more male friendships. Other males are more inclined to go on multi-day backpacking adventures. According to this study, males with low-ego are likely to become friends, but I seek high ego/high energy friends.

Re: How to make a friend fast

#32

Post by [deleted] »

ams6110 wrote: post #29
camillomiller wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Good luck doing that in Germany without being seeing as a weird egomaniac

Yeah I'm not German (except by ancestry) and I get really uncomfortable when conversations go like that. Why is this guy trying to convince me he's such a great dad? What's his angle with that? I would definitely not take something like that as a sincere "personal disclosure" from someone I'd never met. I'd take it as more like a greasy salesman tactic.

[deleted]

Re: How to make a friend fast

#34

Post by [deleted] »

enraged_camel wrote: post #30
ams6110 wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah I'm not German (except by ancestry) and I get really uncomfortable when conversations go like that. Why is this guy trying to convince me he's such a great dad? What's his angle with that? I would definitely not take something like that as a sincere "personal disclosure" from someone I'd never met. I'd take it as more like a greasy salesman tactic.

I guess if you're a cynical person you will look for an "angle" in everything people say or do. Living life like that must be miserable.

[deleted]

Re: How to make a friend fast

#35

Post by yjlim5 »

Interesting how this psychology paper showed up in the context of "making a friend." I had only known of this study as a way of creating romantic relationship, through a NYT Modern Love piece "To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do this."

The method is hardly fast though - it requires two people to set aside a good chunk of time in a quiet setting to fully experience the gradual escalation of self-disclosure. When trying out this method in real life, what about the fact that you chose that one person to try this with? The reasons behind that choice would contribute much a successful result of this method but still left unexplained.

Re: How to make a friend fast

#37

Post by jackvalentine »

yjlim5 wrote: post #35

Interesting how this psychology paper showed up in the context of "making a friend." I had only known of this study as a way of creating romantic relationship, through a NYT Modern Love piece "To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do this." The method is hardly fast though - it requires two people to set aside a good chunk of time in a quiet setting to fully experience the gradual escalation of self-disclosure. When trying ou…

> The method is hardly fast though

A common misconception. The root of the phrase "fast friends" is actually steadfast friends. Meaning friends with a strong bond and sense of duty towards each other.

I too had only heard of this study in terms of the romantic partner thing... I guess it makes sense to apply to any friendship.

Edit: The above is all lies! Well, except the meaning. The phoney etymology is lies. See below.

Re: How to make a friend fast

#38

Post by JumpCrisscross »

yjlim5 wrote: post #35

Interesting how this psychology paper showed up in the context of "making a friend." I had only known of this study as a way of creating romantic relationship, through a NYT Modern Love piece "To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do this." The method is hardly fast though - it requires two people to set aside a good chunk of time in a quiet setting to fully experience the gradual escalation of self-disclosure. When trying ou…

> it requires two people to set aside a good chunk of time in a quiet setting to fully experience the gradual escalation of self-disclosure. When trying out this method in real life, what about the fact that you chose that one person to try this with?

You start liberally. When an experience becomes dumb, you abort. TL; DR you meet fun people and make some friends.

Re: How to make a friend fast

#39

Post by [deleted] »

camillomiller wrote: post #14
enraged_camel wrote: post #8

After a two year period of watching my boss interact with people, I can confirm that this method works extremely well. He is a "natural", in the sense that he can form close bonds with people incredibly quickly. At first I thought he was using some sort of secret strategy, but after a while I noticed that he was simply sharing personal details about himself (which the article refers to as "self-disclosure") without b…

Good luck doing that in Germany without being seeing as a weird egomaniac

[deleted]

Re: How to make a friend fast

#40

Post by manyxcxi »

roceasta wrote: post #13
mettamage wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

After having read about self-disclosure I started doing this and never looked back. Also I forgot that I had it from reading a psychology experiment. I've learned that it mostly works. In some cases though people see you as someone who doesn't always say something relevant. What also works (more specifically) is: you share a certain secret about you, and if that person has a similar secret you get to hear it as well.…

Don't want to question the value of your experience but I couldn't help noticing that your example and enraged_camel's examples all take place in the context of (mild) danger and risk. Employer-employee; employee-client; travel abroad. Could it be that shared adversity is the key to bonding? Personal revealings would then follow gradually as a natural consequence. In this view the best way to make friends would be to…

I think there's something to that. Most of my adult friendships with people that started in a professional setting were with people who I worked with on very stressful projects.

Lots of hours together, working very closely, gallows humor, and revealing personal details. There are about five or six people from a particularly stressful project that I talk to on no less than monthly basis, very personally catching up, and we're across 4 states and 5 cities.

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