Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

I'm a creep. I'm sorry

500hats.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

161–170 of 453 posts

Re: I'm a creep. I'm sorry

#161

Post by jrs95 »

hendzen wrote: post #142

Caveat, McClure's behavior was bad. But seeing recent public floggings for misbehavior I now wonder if people are feeling a bit hypersensitive/cautious about any workplace conduct that could potentially be perceived as harassment. Case in point. You work at a technology company. You are attracted to another coworker, who is NOT your subordinate. Is there some manner in which it is acceptable to express your interest?…

I can't really think of any good ways to do it. The good news is that on a software engineer's salary if you're going to do a lot of drinking alone you can at least buy the good stuff.

Re: I'm a creep. I'm sorry

#162

Post by [deleted] »

cylinder wrote: post #8

I've got to wonder, why do coworkers go out for drinks if it's not a social setting? I don't understand the logic of mixing alcohol with colleagues if you're still under the "workplace" umbrella.

[deleted]

Re: I'm a creep. I'm sorry

#163

Post by opaol »

I know a former executive at Homeland Security who was also a federal prosecutor. He's now the head of security for a large company that owns luxury condos.

When I reported a former roommate for prostituting teenage girls (my friends), the security executive said they didn't want to know about it. This led to a dispute and the executive called five of my colleagues, intimidated them and told them lies about me.

The situation quickly devolved from there, involving a complicated tale of criminal and civil charges.

It was shocking to realize how many guys think its okay to offer girls money for sex, even if they're young.

Re: I'm a creep. I'm sorry

#164

Post by theWatcher37 »

noahth wrote: post #125
taurath wrote: post #113

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you have a job where you are working 12 hour days and weekends, your job is your life. I am actually curious when would an actual appropriate time to ask someone on a date might be - clearly the second someone brings up professional stuff, it should be out the door, but the veil of that can be breached with a simple "what have you been working on lately"

If you're working 12 hour days and having trouble with your social life, the problem is _not_ that it's not OK to hit on women in a professional setting. The problem is that you're working too much.

Stop bringing gender in to this. You can ask someone out during an after-hours social event without it being wrong.

What's wrong is retaliation based on those things happening.

Re: I'm a creep. I'm sorry

#166

Post by [deleted] »

chasing wrote: post #133
liquidise wrote: post #92

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Honest question, maybe one best asked to my female friends: at what point does propositioning someone transition from simply not mutual attraction to sexual harassment? The definition is broad and says making "unwanted sexual advances or obscene remarks". Is there a line drawn between romantic and sexual propositioning? I'm not looking to be intentionally obtuse here, i'm more trying to make sense of the legal nature…

You should ask your female friends! In all seriousness. Maybe my basic advice is: Don't "proposition" people. Forget the phrase "hit on." Don't lead with your dick. Meet people. Learn about them. Establish rapport. Maybe something happens, maybe not. When people are legitimately excited by one another, romance can follow. But be respectful enough to not cause harm. Don't interfere with their work life. Don't accident…

[deleted]

Re: I'm a creep. I'm sorry

#167

Post by geofft »

Aron wrote: post #91

Loses his job. Major strike on his career. National public shaming. I'm gonna click the link and go see what murderous crime he committed.

People lose their job for all sorts of reasons, no crime necessary. If you're going to worry about people losing their jobs, why don't we start by talking about everyone laid off at Etsy, and importantly, the college kids who were informed two weeks before their internship started that no such internship existed any more?

As for career and public shame: he's had a wildly successful career and significant public praise in his lifetime. I think he can deal with it.

As I wrote in another thread, take a look at Brendan Eich. If losing your job and being publicly shamed leads to being in charge of a well-funded, well-respected growing startup with a real product (plus whatever net worth he has from his previous employment, none of which was taken from him), I would like to know how to sign up to be publicly shamed like that.

Re: I'm a creep. I'm sorry

#168

Post by geofft »

matt-attack wrote: post #131
meowface wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Do you send just one job application when you're trying to find a new job? No, but if it's a lucrative job that I really want to work at, then the hiring manager definitely has power over me. >That assumes that transaction is somehow not mutually beneficial. It is mutually beneficial, but you're probably looking at a 30:1 (or higher) benefit ratio here, in his favor. > In the end, she's the one that has power over h…

> It is mutually beneficial, but you're probably looking at a 30:1 (or higher) benefit ratio here, in his favor. Sorry that's wrong. What you're saying is she's overpaid by a factor of 30. Kind of insulting to her no?

I believe you have misread the comment. If there is a 30:1 benefit ratio in his favor, i.e., against her favor, she is underpaid by a factor of 30.

Re: I'm a creep. I'm sorry

#169

Post by lubujackson »

dbg31415 wrote: post #116
lubujackson wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Meeting a coworker (even a boss!) socially, having drinks, escalating into a relationship - no problem. Normally-socialized people can do this because they can make these decisions over time, being careful to give the other person outs along the way. McClure was basically honking his horn while driving his Tesla down the street, hollering "nice tits!" At best, that is anti-social, rude and offputting. But to do it wh…

> How would you feel if McClure gay propositioned YOU while trying to apply for a job? You want to work at this VC fund but before you can get your foot in the door he says you are a super hot stud and and he wants to take you home. For a man, it would be awkward as hell but easy to deflect. And you would probably rather not work there (this is where it is bad for business, not just McClure's penis). When I was in my…

I get having a raging boner for a girl, but there are so many better way to handle this with a shred of empathy. First, he could wait until she is hired/not hired to proposition her. Second, he could simply ask her on a date, prefaced with "this has nothing to do with our business relationship".

And I don't think she has any "hot girl" power over him. It sounds like he did this all the time, to any woman he wanted to bang. He wasn't pining over her, he didn't want to get to know her. To me it sounds like a short jump from this to grabbing them by the pussy because what are they going to do about it?

Re: I'm a creep. I'm sorry

#170

Post by aortega »

hendzen wrote: post #142

Caveat, McClure's behavior was bad. But seeing recent public floggings for misbehavior I now wonder if people are feeling a bit hypersensitive/cautious about any workplace conduct that could potentially be perceived as harassment. Case in point. You work at a technology company. You are attracted to another coworker, who is NOT your subordinate. Is there some manner in which it is acceptable to express your interest?…

>Or is this just not OK at all?

You are asking single 18-30 year old who spend most of their waking hours at work, to not make any advance to the only females they probably see in the week.

Good luck with trying to fight nature.

Post reply on HN