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How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

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Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#91

Post by toasterlovin »

pavel_lishin wrote: post #53
atemerev wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Mildly? I still wonder how anybody could voluntarily opt for a second one. Thank God for the hardwired unconditional love for one's own children (I have heard that occasionally it doesn't work — poor souls). And still, I never even remotely expected anything like what has happened.

> I still wonder how anybody could voluntarily opt for a second one. We're opting out of that. I have no idea how people do it, especially with another small child in the house. (We also live far from family, in a one-bedroom apartment - when someone wakes up in our home, there's a 50% chance that everyone wakes up in our home.)

It's really hard. Our second came while the first was still under 2 years old. Like you, we live far from family. We were fortunate enough to be in a multi-bedroom house, though. Still, our marriage almost fell apart.

Maybe just space them out? We had 2.5 years between the 2nd and 3rd and those extra 8 months made a world of difference. Not sure how old yours is now, but the difficulty of raising kids is an exponential backoff kind of a thing. Our oldest is 4.5 and, honestly, hardly requires any work. We basically just make her meals, but we could probably even teach her how to do that...

Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#92

Post by markyc »

Earplugs have been a game changer for me in this department. As an extremely light sleeper I've been struggling all my life with other people snoring or even semi-loud breathing.

After I started using earplugs I'm now sleeping through the night even better than when I slept by myself. I feel like when I wear them I'm in an isolation chamber :)

The trick was finding earplugs that don't hurt after wearing them for 8 hours, but after having tried a few I landed on some acceptable ones (I can still feel them but they're not uncomfortable if inserted properly)

Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#93

Post by poulsbohemian »

pavel_lishin wrote: post #67
jacquesm wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hm. Some kids sleep really deep and would be fine in that situation, the best way to figure it out is to try it and to give it enough time that you know that if there is a problem it is structural and not just the adaptation period. My eldest slept so solid that you could have fired a cannon next to him and he would have slept through it (and still does, only he's a bit large to sleep in a crib now...). The most impo…

I wouldn't call ours a light sleeper, but she definitely starts to stir if someone walks on the slightly-creaky parts of the floor next to her. She'll often stir a bit even if we're just going to bed, and she's woken up on occasion. She doesn't wake up from the TV-sounds-through-an-ajar-door, but being in the same room would definitely wake her up, to say nothing of falling asleep with that sort of stimulation.

For what it's worth, from a father of three... my ex coddled the kids in this regard. She _demanded_ absolute silence when they went to sleep. The problem is, that _trains_ the kids to need absolute silence, rather than getting accustomed to hearing the occasional sound and putting themselves back to sleep. The best things you can do, for your own well-being and theirs, is let them cry it out a bit and go about your normal routine.

Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#94

Post by oski »

markyc wrote: post #92

Earplugs have been a game changer for me in this department. As an extremely light sleeper I've been struggling all my life with other people snoring or even semi-loud breathing. After I started using earplugs I'm now sleeping through the night even better than when I slept by myself. I feel like when I wear them I'm in an isolation chamber :) The trick was finding earplugs that don't hurt after wearing them for 8 ho…

Which kind of earplugs did you settle on?

Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#95

Post by ryan-allen »

codingdave wrote: post #2

Welcome to the little-discussed world of adult sleeping arrangements, where many couples secretly don't sleep next to each other. We don't talk about it much because those who do sleep next to each other think that our relationships must be horribly broken, and we don't feel the need to justify our choices, or get into details of the logistics of our intimate lives. But talked about or not, it is true -- many more co…

Sleeping with a partner, I discovered I have pretty severe OSA (obstructive sleep apnea). I was wondering why I was tired all the time for 5+ years, and here was the answer.

I got CPAP therapy going (funny machine that fixes your breathing). Not super sexy but after a few weeks of using it every night I am orders of magnitude better. Better moods, more energy, I wake up rested and I don't need 10 hours of sleep to feel normal. I used to spend most of my weekends catching up on sleep, little did I know I was not really sleeping well at all.

With the CPAP therapy I don't move at all during the night according to my partner.

Now all we need to do is get the cat to stop waking us up and her kid to sleep in his own bed :)

Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#96

Post by markyc »

oski wrote: post #94
markyc wrote: post #92

Earplugs have been a game changer for me in this department. As an extremely light sleeper I've been struggling all my life with other people snoring or even semi-loud breathing. After I started using earplugs I'm now sleeping through the night even better than when I slept by myself. I feel like when I wear them I'm in an isolation chamber :) The trick was finding earplugs that don't hurt after wearing them for 8 ho…

Which kind of earplugs did you settle on?

https://www.amazon.com/Quies-Pair-Foam-Earplugs-Pack/dp/B009...

There are probably better ones out there but these work fine for me. I also like that they don't cover the louder noises (I also hear the alarm clock), but if you're dealing with a heavy snorer they might not do the trick

PS: with these the trick is in how you insert them in the year: not too little (they'll slip off during sleep) and not too much (your ears will hurt in the morning). As per their instructions, you roll them between your fingers a little and then pull on your ear lobe before gently inserting them

Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#97

Post by stevekemp »

poulsbohemian wrote: post #93
pavel_lishin wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wouldn't call ours a light sleeper, but she definitely starts to stir if someone walks on the slightly-creaky parts of the floor next to her. She'll often stir a bit even if we're just going to bed, and she's woken up on occasion. She doesn't wake up from the TV-sounds-through-an-ajar-door, but being in the same room would definitely wake her up, to say nothing of falling asleep with that sort of stimulation.

For what it's worth, from a father of three... my ex coddled the kids in this regard. She _demanded_ absolute silence when they went to sleep. The problem is, that _trains_ the kids to need absolute silence, rather than getting accustomed to hearing the occasional sound and putting themselves back to sleep. The best things you can do, for your own well-being and theirs, is let them cry it out a bit and go about your…

I must admit we have a divide like that too. My wife will stir at the slightest noise, whereas I assume that a murmer or two is just a random noise and safe to ignore.

Obviously if the baby is crying heartily either of us will investigate, but I don't feel the need (most of the time) to check on him if there are sporadic gurgles, laughs, or "noise".

That said I think my wife is coming round, she's started sleeping with earplugs now so that she doesn't wake up unless there is a real "emergency".

Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#98

Post by stevekemp »

le-mark wrote: post #88
ryanwaggoner wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In terms of sleep disruption, yes. But not necessarily in terms of disruption in your bed. Even though it's all the rage, you don't have to co-sleep. We didn't, and our daughter slept through the night once she was 5 months and has always been an amazing sleeper (12 hours per night like clockwork).

Those of us who's children didn't sleep until 2+ really really hate you and people like you.

I've got a friend with a four year old who wakes up every 45-60 minutes. Nightmare.

Happily our 5-month-old only wakes up a couple of times in the night, and has always been a good sleeper. I'm hoping that once he starts eating more solid foods he'll be able to sleep through the night in the next month or two, but even if he doesn't I'm still very definitely counting our blessings!

Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#99

Post by stevekemp »

pavel_lishin wrote: post #55
toomuchtodo wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Mildy" for the HN crowd :) I too was unprepared for the level of hell a child brings. But, unconditional love and all that jazz. For sure though, one is enough for one lifetime. My cousin is on his fourth; no idea why he hates himself so much.

My coworker has seven siblings. He tells me that it eventually gets easier, as they get old enough to help take care of the young ones. I assume it's similar to how you learn to echolocate if someone stabs your eyes out, or how you learn to pick things up with your feet if someone eats your hands.

Both my parents are from large families:

* My mom has 11 siblings.

* My dad has 6.

I've got one child, and I while I could have another I think two would be my limit. Having two screaming children seems like it would be stressful enough, I can't imagine having more than three!

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