glad you are getting laid man. but this is like such a non issue.
How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep
61–70 of 103 posts
Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep
#62I'm 31 and I've never had a partner, but every time I've had sex, the experience of sleep (or lack thereof) that follows fills me with dread concerning what life will be like in a relationship.
I'm 31 and I've never had a partner
8-O
If you want a relationship (and it sounds like you do) then you'd better take a deep breath and jump into one, because live-in relationships are psychically demanding and complex, and it takes significant time to learn how to do it - not least because it's hard to fully know yourself until you develop the ability to see yourself through the eyes of others. And I don't mean in little glimpses, but in the sense of giving someone time to fully know about you, including the parts of yourself you'd rather keep hidden, the compromises you make (or demand) when your interests are misaligned but you're tethered to each other, and so forth.
I don't want to go into specifics as it's not a competition, but I've been sexually active nearly as long as you've been alive, and spent about 2/3 of that in relationships of various depth and complexity in addition to more casual flings. I'd say it's only around this stage of mid-life that I've developed a high degree of self-knowledge, even though I've been introverted as long as I can remember.
Relationships are hard work, and you won't just lose sleep, you'll get your heart broken over and over. But loneliness and isolation are terribly, terribly corrosive, and I would say that to hold back from fully engaging with life is to literally waste your time. The value of being in love, loving others, and allowing them to love you are beyond price and enable you to overcome any level of fear. If there is a 'point' to consciousness, it is to fully experience this.
You could die tomorrow, so I beg you from the bottom of my heart to start living today.
Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep
#63Welcome to the little-discussed world of adult sleeping arrangements, where many couples secretly don't sleep next to each other. We don't talk about it much because those who do sleep next to each other think that our relationships must be horribly broken, and we don't feel the need to justify our choices, or get into details of the logistics of our intimate lives. But talked about or not, it is true -- many more co…
We have a 15 month old daughter who sleeps in a crib in our room, and my wife is a light sleeper. Baby makes a noise, wife wakes up, wife takes an hour to fall back asleep. I keep telling her: please, sleep on the couch. Literally every time you sleep out there, you get better sleep, and feel better in the morning. But she always says no. I wish we were one of those couples who secretly, or otherwise, slept apart at…
I was having issues with my kid getting to sleep through the night. It turns out that we needed some warmer pajamas and to make the baby drink as much milk as possible. After that, glorious sleep-filled nights were to be had from then on. I wish I had realized that months earlier.
Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep
#64Earlier quoted context omitted.
Maybe so. But, for me, subliminally - it feels when I wake up that there is a felt difference from having spent the night alone or not. But, again, maybe that's just me.
I think it's a personal thing. I feel better after having slept all night alone - because we're not kicking each other in our sleep all night.
Makes sense. I (we) had that when we first moved to the US, and were not spending the night in adjacent futons. We got a bigger bed - and it helped. But I can see how that would work or not depending on...
Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep
#65These differences appear quite small. It would really benefit from just having error bars, or any kind of significance test.
Honest question, most of the plots I see on r/dataisbeautiful or other pop data science sources would get me heckled at a group meeting. Does this mean a) my group is exceptionally harshly pushing for clarity and precision and life will be "easier" in the real world or does it mean a good chunk of statisticians in the field do poor work?
I think a good chunk of the OC on /r/dataisbeautiful is not done by statisticians. Honestly at this point in the game, a tiny part of me gets annoyed any time I see ANY data without some indicator of variance.
Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep
#66Welcome to the little-discussed world of adult sleeping arrangements, where many couples secretly don't sleep next to each other. We don't talk about it much because those who do sleep next to each other think that our relationships must be horribly broken, and we don't feel the need to justify our choices, or get into details of the logistics of our intimate lives. But talked about or not, it is true -- many more co…
What about a king size bed? With dual twin size coverings? I'm not judging - but sleeping in the other room or on the other bed seems to defeat the point of being together, no? I was married for a long while - and I miss it. That said - she only weighed 95 pounds, so maybe not having to deal with king-kong in my bed helped.
+1 for a king sized. Also memory foam.
My wife and I went to a mattress store and tested out every mattress. One of us would close our eyes while the other got on the mattress and rolled over. When we couldn't tell when the other was moving we had our mattress.
It ended up costing like $3000, but if you can afford it I think that's a small price for something both of you will use literally ~30% of every day.
Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep
#67Earlier quoted context omitted.
I've thought about it, but that also means that we have to retreat to the bedroom when the kid goes to sleep (7:30), and can't walk through the living room to the bathroom, kitchen, etc. until she's very deeply asleep - and even then, it might wake her up.
Hm. Some kids sleep really deep and would be fine in that situation, the best way to figure it out is to try it and to give it enough time that you know that if there is a problem it is structural and not just the adaptation period. My eldest slept so solid that you could have fired a cannon next to him and he would have slept through it (and still does, only he's a bit large to sleep in a crib now...). The most impo…
I wouldn't call ours a light sleeper, but she definitely starts to stir if someone walks on the slightly-creaky parts of the floor next to her. She'll often stir a bit even if we're just going to bed, and she's woken up on occasion.
She doesn't wake up from the TV-sounds-through-an-ajar-door, but being in the same room would definitely wake her up, to say nothing of falling asleep with that sort of stimulation.
Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep
#68Earlier quoted context omitted.
We have a 15 month old daughter who sleeps in a crib in our room, and my wife is a light sleeper. Baby makes a noise, wife wakes up, wife takes an hour to fall back asleep. I keep telling her: please, sleep on the couch. Literally every time you sleep out there, you get better sleep, and feel better in the morning. But she always says no. I wish we were one of those couples who secretly, or otherwise, slept apart at…
I was having issues with my kid getting to sleep through the night. It turns out that we needed some warmer pajamas and to make the baby drink as much milk as possible. After that, glorious sleep-filled nights were to be had from then on. I wish I had realized that months earlier.
We had the opposite problem awhile ago; we had a hot week or so in the city, and hadn't put in the AC yet - the kid kept waking up, and at one point when I went to check on her, I found her having unzipped her pajamas down to her waist and wriggled her arms out of the top part.
Making sure they're well fed is definitely a good idea; my wife was worried that she'd over-associate sleep with eating, and wouldn't sleep without eating first... but I never really saw this as a big problem. She's a baby; let her eat before bed.
But all kids are weird and different - some kids have reflux, and feeding them shortly before going to bed is going to keep them awake. Some get gassy. Some just don't like sleeping with a full stomach. That's probably the worst thing about being a new parent - you can read and listen to all the advice you want, but then you gotta figure out what actually works with yours and what doesn't.
Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep
#69Pretty cool to have data on this. My more recent long-term relationships have involved actually sleeping in separate beds 99% of the time, which I'm quite happy with. Maybe it works for some couples, but it seems like a tradition borne of history and culture and limited living space. Much prefer having my own room.
>Much prefer having my own room. //
I really like sleeping with my wife, and with the kids when camping or when we have guests over. However, I miss having a proper space to call my own when I'm awake.
Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep
#70Earlier quoted context omitted.
Maybe so. But, for me, subliminally - it feels when I wake up that there is a felt difference from having spent the night alone or not. But, again, maybe that's just me.
I think it's a personal thing. I feel better after having slept all night alone - because we're not kicking each other in our sleep all night.
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