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How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

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Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#71

Post by lloeki »

pavel_lishin wrote: post #52
ci5er wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What about a king size bed? With dual twin size coverings? I'm not judging - but sleeping in the other room or on the other bed seems to defeat the point of being together, no? I was married for a long while - and I miss it. That said - she only weighed 95 pounds, so maybe not having to deal with king-kong in my bed helped.

> sleeping in the other room or on the other bed seems to defeat the point of being together, no? I think that sleeping together (in the literal, dictionary sense) is the least together-thing you're doing as a couple, because you're literally not even aware of the time.

As someone who has only recently broken up from an intense 10+ year relationship I can assure you it's not. From the moment we got to bed to the instant one of us sort of woke-up-but-not-quite and subconsciously reached for the other, the mere presence of each one's SO was incredibly soothing. This was an incredibly privileged moment that I cherished for all of those years, that is made all too painful now by it's sorely missed absence•. Sure sometimes one of us would wake up at night and inconvenience the other (and a pillow or three was definitely thrown, as well as one of us occasionally going to read a book and maybe crash too in the sofa on a sleepless night, and more often than not we would regularly wake up to the absence of the other some time later, and get out of bed to check out if everything was fine) but the togetherness was real.

While I perfectly understand that each couple finds it's own way, subsuming being asleep to be like some sort of deep, nightlong, perceptionless coma is just incorrect.

• God I miss those night kicks.

Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#72

Post by falcolas »

codingdave wrote: post #2

Welcome to the little-discussed world of adult sleeping arrangements, where many couples secretly don't sleep next to each other. We don't talk about it much because those who do sleep next to each other think that our relationships must be horribly broken, and we don't feel the need to justify our choices, or get into details of the logistics of our intimate lives. But talked about or not, it is true -- many more co…

Anecdotes are not data and all that aside - your partner's movements are often something that can be gotten used to. As half of a happily "sleeping in the same bed" couple for around 22 years now, the only time my wife affects my sleep is when she isn't well; a time I don't mind being woken up.

It's amazing what humans can get used to. We recently got a puppy, and went from "wake up every time it moves" to "wake up only if it starts whining". Didn't even take 3 months.

Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#73

Post by Broken_Hippo »

ci5er wrote: post #45
codingdave wrote: post #2

Welcome to the little-discussed world of adult sleeping arrangements, where many couples secretly don't sleep next to each other. We don't talk about it much because those who do sleep next to each other think that our relationships must be horribly broken, and we don't feel the need to justify our choices, or get into details of the logistics of our intimate lives. But talked about or not, it is true -- many more co…

What about a king size bed? With dual twin size coverings? I'm not judging - but sleeping in the other room or on the other bed seems to defeat the point of being together, no? I was married for a long while - and I miss it. That said - she only weighed 95 pounds, so maybe not having to deal with king-kong in my bed helped.

You've not shared a bed with someone that wakes you. I'm that person.

I snore. It wakes my spouse up at night, which causes him to wake me up... sort of. I'm not always conscious of him waking me, but I will temporarily roll over. I sleep pretty heavily (and always have), so waking me is difficult. I sleep more poorly when we share a bed, and he most definitely does.

The best solution we've found is one of us going into another room. Earplugs help little: He still needs to hear the alarm. I cannot be trusted to wake to them with regularity (living on my own, I'm occasionally late to work if I work early). They have vibrating alarms for the hard of hearing that might work out, but I have not tried.

We still have cuddle time if we should choose it and still do normal "bed" activities. If we both sleep well, we are both happier during the day. The payoff is definitely worth it. We occasionally sleep in the same room if he sleeps earlier than me, using our own blankets (common here in Norway). Which again, defeats the point for some folks but is really great because we both stay at a more optimal temperature, keeping us sleeping better than sharing.

Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#74

Post by Broken_Hippo »

brewdad wrote: post #19

My wife and I came to the realization that the Europeans are onto something with the twin size duvets on full size beds after visiting last summer. Fortunately, neither of us snores much but she prefers to sleep with far less covers than I do. What used to be a constant battle of covers being tossed aside only to fail at reclaiming them later in the night now allows each of us to determine our own sleep temperature m…

Oh, she is onto something. I moved to Norway a few years back, and find that to be quite wonderful.

Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#76

Post by jacquesm »

pavel_lishin wrote: post #67
jacquesm wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hm. Some kids sleep really deep and would be fine in that situation, the best way to figure it out is to try it and to give it enough time that you know that if there is a problem it is structural and not just the adaptation period. My eldest slept so solid that you could have fired a cannon next to him and he would have slept through it (and still does, only he's a bit large to sleep in a crib now...). The most impo…

I wouldn't call ours a light sleeper, but she definitely starts to stir if someone walks on the slightly-creaky parts of the floor next to her. She'll often stir a bit even if we're just going to bed, and she's woken up on occasion. She doesn't wake up from the TV-sounds-through-an-ajar-door, but being in the same room would definitely wake her up, to say nothing of falling asleep with that sort of stimulation.

A good part of that is likely something that you can get used to, but the important factor is if your little one will get enough rest. That's something you'll know soon enough. Anyway, much good luck to you with this, you have nothing to lose by trying and if it does not work you can always simply switch back to the present situation.

Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#77

Post by [deleted] »

brewdad wrote: post #19

My wife and I came to the realization that the Europeans are onto something with the twin size duvets on full size beds after visiting last summer. Fortunately, neither of us snores much but she prefers to sleep with far less covers than I do. What used to be a constant battle of covers being tossed aside only to fail at reclaiming them later in the night now allows each of us to determine our own sleep temperature m…

[deleted]

Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#78

Post by eumenides1 »

brewdad wrote: post #19

My wife and I came to the realization that the Europeans are onto something with the twin size duvets on full size beds after visiting last summer. Fortunately, neither of us snores much but she prefers to sleep with far less covers than I do. What used to be a constant battle of covers being tossed aside only to fail at reclaiming them later in the night now allows each of us to determine our own sleep temperature m…

Not just sleep temp (wife is also of the less covers camp), but mattress firmness. My wife likes ultra firm by European standards. So she has the Chinese sea horse brand mattress. I'm a bag of bones, so the mattress literally pushes my spine to pinch nerves. Our solution is a king size mattress with twin covers, and one side has a twin memory foam. We sleep happy and together.

Cultural aside: mattress firmness. It will blow your mind how firm some seahorse mattresses get. One Caucasian friend commented after one night that they would have probably been better off probably on our broadloom carpet floor.

Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#80

Post by raisedbyninjas »

88e282102ae2e5b wrote: post #22

These differences appear quite small. It would really benefit from just having error bars, or any kind of significance test.

He really needs to plot more than hours. Restless sleep is just has harmful. My Xiaomi Mi Band can track deep sleep. I'm sure a fitbit can.
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