Earlier quoted context omitted.
So you are saying it actually worked. Awesome! And thank you very much! I honestly didn't know about the "frown" thing. I frankly have a hard time finding stuff in the menu on the 2016 products. I spent about 5 minutes looking at another person's PC (who was having the issue originally) to figure out what version of office they had before finally just clicking on the start menu and seeing "Excel 2016". Help->About ju…
Not to excuse Microsoft here, but it's in a giant button marked "Feedback". Come on.
"To report a bug please open the FILE menu, and click on "Send feedback". Ta-dah.
Support is still shit if they can't do that. In a software-company everyone should know the rough path to actually report a bug, or what looks like one.