"People never trust an accommodating man with important things. That may sound harsh and cynical, but check it up in your own experience. If you have a severe illness, for example, you turn to the busiest, most exacting doctor in town. The fact that he is busy and can’t be bothered by little things gives you confidence in his ability and judgment."
Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)
11–20 of 335 posts
Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)
#12To summarize the entirety of the lesson: Sometimes saying "no" is better than saying "yes". By saying "no" you give time otherwise wasted to things that are beneficial to yourself. When and how you decide to say "no" should be based on whether the person that is requesting is perfectly capable of doing the task themselves according to the nature of the article.
Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)
#13Well, the age of the document is showing.
Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)
#14Earlier quoted context omitted.
the trick is to finely calibrate your bullshit meter through life experiences. what people tend to respect innately is a genuinely nice person who can instantly turn into a no-holds-barred asshole if bad intentions are detected.
For many people, it's not about detecting someone with bad intentions. It's about not liking conflict so much that they don't know how not to accommodate by default. Over accommodation of a good person you're close with can be just as detrimental as over accommodation of a shitty person.
Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)
#15Through experience, I've come to believe that this holds true in long-term personal relationships, too. While many will tell you that compromise is the key to a successful marriage, I think that standing up for yourself and who you need to be usually is more important.
There's a needle on the gauge of life that experiences pressure to move from both directions. When you are too accommodating or compromise unequally, the needle moves towards you and establishes a new norm for expected behavior. Your job should be to push back just enough to keep the needle balanced at a point where you retain a full sense of self and the space within which to exercise it. That requires a strong sense of introspection and can take years of adult life to develop.
Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)
#16I'm going through this change right now. Some words of hard earned "wisdom": make sure the pendulum doesn't swing too far out in the other direction. I went from being an accommodating person to an intense asshole - trying to dial it back now but it's hard, especially when you notice that people definitely respect you more for good or bad reasons when you're like that. Take it too far though, and it will of course go…
There's a great 5 minute clip of the clinical psychologist and professor Dr. Jordan B. Peterson talking about the dangers of being too agreeable: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVMvQhxN_M8
Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)
#17I'm going through this change right now. Some words of hard earned "wisdom": make sure the pendulum doesn't swing too far out in the other direction. I went from being an accommodating person to an intense asshole - trying to dial it back now but it's hard, especially when you notice that people definitely respect you more for good or bad reasons when you're like that. Take it too far though, and it will of course go…
the trick is to finely calibrate your bullshit meter through life experiences. what people tend to respect innately is a genuinely nice person who can instantly turn into a no-holds-barred asshole if bad intentions are detected.
Not really, the "trick" is actually contained within the wisdom of the last paragraph of the piece.
Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)
#18Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)
#19> “You are thirty-five years old,” I said to myself. “More than half of your life has already been spent. Well, the age of the document is showing.
Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)
#20"4+4=11"
"No, 4+4=8"
"Oh, c'mon, Joe, don't be difficult."
"4 and 4 is 8, 11 isn't correct.
"Be reasonable here. OK, let's compromise on 9.5, OK?"