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Don’t Let Facebook Make You Miserable

nytimes.com

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Re: Don’t Let Facebook Make You Miserable

#201

Post by coldtea »

thewhitetulip wrote: post #160

I cut facebook out of my life three momths ago when I realized a pattern of my activities. Something hapened and I ranted there about my thoughts, others were offended ao they commented & we would fight not understanding each other. Then I used to ignore them and continue. Then one fine day, I sat on a bus, there was something going on about Kashmir and Indian military and I found that the guy next to me was also pos…

>It was there that I figured out we are wasting time, we think our opinions matter, but they don't. Fb is just a waste of time.

Yeah, even more so: if we spent the same time/energy in becoming better at something else (studying, writing, etc), we could actually acquire more influential voices that actually matter a little more (or a lot more).

If some world news subject REALLY matters to us, for example, instead of commenting on FB, we could study it thoroughly, read books about it, start writing an opinion column on some media outlet, participate in some group that affects change, write a book on the matter, shoot a documentary, write some software or web service that helps the people with that issue, etc.

And then we have a real voice and affect some smaller or bigger, but real change.

Not some BS post we posted to 2000 friends on FB, of which 300 automatically clicked like and 10 actually read, of which we engaging in a flame war with 3.

And if the subject doesn't REALLY matter to us? Well, then the world might be better off without our uniformed comment or "just repeated what I was told from the news outlets I read" rehash.

Re: Don’t Let Facebook Make You Miserable

#202

Post by coldtea »

harryf wrote: post #168
thewhitetulip wrote: post #160

I cut facebook out of my life three momths ago when I realized a pattern of my activities. Something hapened and I ranted there about my thoughts, others were offended ao they commented & we would fight not understanding each other. Then I used to ignore them and continue. Then one fine day, I sat on a bus, there was something going on about Kashmir and Indian military and I found that the guy next to me was also pos…

Been free of Facebook for more than 3 years. There's never been a single moment where I felt I was missing out. Even the staying in touch - for those that matter we found other ways to stay connected. The final straw for me was actually a girl from my elementary school who wanted to friend me. The chat went like this... Me: I have to ask you something. So we haven't seen each other for decades, the last time being wh…

>And that was it. She didn't have a reason other than "just because"

It's not like you need to have some huge reason to want to connect to some people on FB. It's not about being some big taskforce or goal-oriented group of connection.

Sometimes you just lookup people that were in you life to catch up, and see what they're up to. Or to make sense of what your life was, and the people that might have influenced it, or took part in it.

As I wrote elsewhere here, I don't think FB is any real platform to affect change or share opinions (it's at best an echo chamber, at worst nobody cares).

But for casual chat, it doesn't hurt to add some "girl from elementary" school or random acquaintance in your Friends list. It's not like they have to justify their presence in utility. One can just ignore their posts.

Re: Don’t Let Facebook Make You Miserable

#203

Post by coldtea »

richardwardza wrote: post #188
salesguy222 wrote: post #180

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Honestly that's de facto a pretty dick move, despite whatever might make sense in an ideal world

A pretty dick move on her part for wanting to be included in a complete strangers personal circle? I think that questioning the motive was justified.

>A pretty dick move on her part for wanting to be included in a complete strangers personal circle?

No, a pretty dick move to piss on her for asking to reconnect with an old schoolmate with a rude response.

FB is not some "personal circle". People connect to wide circles of accountancies they barely meet once in a decade and old schoolmates from way beyond and such all the time. And if one doesn't, it's still perfectly fine, given the widespread practice, for others to assume that it's ok for them to ask.

No other motive needed other than we're all humans, and we tend to think of people that passed through our lives in some way or another, and might want to occasionally catch up and/or share some old-time story.

No further need to "question the motive" (as if she's some huge scammer) than to question "high school reunions".

In the end, one could just ignore the request, or reply politely ("Sorry, I only add close friends and relatives on FB").

Re: Don’t Let Facebook Make You Miserable

#204

Post by coldtea »

pavlov wrote: post #45
aleyan wrote: post #32

Perhaps we should take NYTimes advice a step further and stop letting them make us miserable either. There is nothing actionable in the news; next to no utility. News is simply a time sink that depress your spirit. Whenever I think of reading "legitimate" news like the NYTimes, I am reminded of this quote from a Soviet novel by Bulgakov. In it a doctor gives advice: If you care about your digestion, my advice is [sic…

I like reading the newspaper -- print, rather than online -- specifically because it comes out only once a day. It's not an endless stream of pretend-immediate attention-grabbers, but a curated collection of the important stuff that happened yesterday. If the print newspaper were invented today, it would grab hundreds of millions of VC money in Silicon Valley as the cure for news overload. (I guess the pitch would ha…

>I like reading the newspaper -- print, rather than online -- specifically because it comes out only once a day. It's not an endless stream of pretend-immediate attention-grabbers, but a curated collection of the important stuff that happened yesterday.

If that was true, newspapers would have variable length. But they don't.

They fill in the same BS arbitrary number of pages day-in, day-out.

Edit: Downvoting as if this isn't self-evident?

Re: Don’t Let Facebook Make You Miserable

#205

Post by wakkaflokka »

harryf wrote: post #168
thewhitetulip wrote: post #160

I cut facebook out of my life three momths ago when I realized a pattern of my activities. Something hapened and I ranted there about my thoughts, others were offended ao they commented & we would fight not understanding each other. Then I used to ignore them and continue. Then one fine day, I sat on a bus, there was something going on about Kashmir and Indian military and I found that the guy next to me was also pos…

Been free of Facebook for more than 3 years. There's never been a single moment where I felt I was missing out. Even the staying in touch - for those that matter we found other ways to stay connected. The final straw for me was actually a girl from my elementary school who wanted to friend me. The chat went like this... Me: I have to ask you something. So we haven't seen each other for decades, the last time being wh…

To me, simply asking the question seems a bit 'off'. I mean, what do you mean 'final straw'? It bothers you that someone has some mild curiosity about what you've been up to? I probably wouldn't respond to that either. Sometimes you're just curious what that kid in your ____ grade class that you never really spoke to is up to. For whatever reason. I just assume that if they are the 'Facebook is only for close friends' type, then they will simply not accept the request. No big deal. I accept requests from people I don't necessarily know that well, but share some kind of background with (went to school together, used to be coworkers, etc.). I also know people who don't, and that's totally fine too. But they don't get offended by getting requests from people they don't necessarily know that well.

There's nothing nefarious about it. If I got your question, I'd be torn between just saying "just curious what you have been up to for ____ years, that's all," and her response, because the question in and of itself seems kind of unusual.

Re: Don’t Let Facebook Make You Miserable

#206

Post by wakkaflokka »

I've found Facebook to be a great product for me. I went to an international school, and many of my high school friends are spread across the world. I'm not super-close with all of them, but close enough to want to know what they're up to (and visa-versa). Facebook allows that (as do many other things - which I also use).

I've also got a lot of friends who purposefully stay off Facebook for the same reasons espoused in the posts on HN, and I understand that reasoning too.

The only minor irritation I have is that a lot of events that go on in my city, or that my friends host, use Facebook events. I'll occasionally get a complain from a non-facebook using friend that they didn't get invited to ______, and it's usually just because they weren't on Facebook and the host doesn't know them well enough to go out of their way to invite them.

And the person not invited usually responds along the lines of "well, apparently the party host is not a close enough friend to SMS or email or call me, so whatever," That might or might not be entirely true.. but either way, why are you complaining about not being invited?! Because you are using Facebook as some gauge of friendship, and now you feel this friendship isn't a 'deep' as you thought it was because they don't want to SMS you individually?

Quite frankly, I love being invited to things by far acquaintances, because it just gives me an opportunity to meet new people. I don't use Facebook friending/event invites as any metric for the depth of a relationship. Just to find new stuff to do.

Re: Don’t Let Facebook Make You Miserable

#207

Post by maverick_iceman »

rmwaite wrote: post #200
harryf wrote: post #168

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Been free of Facebook for more than 3 years. There's never been a single moment where I felt I was missing out. Even the staying in touch - for those that matter we found other ways to stay connected. The final straw for me was actually a girl from my elementary school who wanted to friend me. The chat went like this... Me: I have to ask you something. So we haven't seen each other for decades, the last time being wh…

Sorry, that was a pretty mean response. Maybe she scoped you out and thought you were cute? Maybe she's just trying to make new friends and remembered you being nice? Why wouldn't she just say that to you? (instead of sorry, didn't mean to offend)? Probably because your response made her go "oh crap, this guy is an a-hole - bail) That's exactly what my response would be.

Or maybe Facebook's "Add Friend" feature suggested GP to the girl.

Re: Don’t Let Facebook Make You Miserable

#208

Post by CM30 »

tsm wrote: post #5

Facebook doesn't make me miserable because I feel like I'm having less fun and being less glamorous than the friends on my news feed—it makes me miserable because it's an addicting timewaster with minimal utility and I'd much rather be [reading a book, playing music, writing software, hanging out with friends IRL, working on a project, sleeping, watching TV…]

This is also the case with other social networking sites and apps. If there wasn't a business need to use it, it's the exact reason I'd have for dropping Twitter.

Re: Don’t Let Facebook Make You Miserable

#210

Post by notmarkus »

harryf wrote: post #168
thewhitetulip wrote: post #160

I cut facebook out of my life three momths ago when I realized a pattern of my activities. Something hapened and I ranted there about my thoughts, others were offended ao they commented & we would fight not understanding each other. Then I used to ignore them and continue. Then one fine day, I sat on a bus, there was something going on about Kashmir and Indian military and I found that the guy next to me was also pos…

Been free of Facebook for more than 3 years. There's never been a single moment where I felt I was missing out. Even the staying in touch - for those that matter we found other ways to stay connected. The final straw for me was actually a girl from my elementary school who wanted to friend me. The chat went like this... Me: I have to ask you something. So we haven't seen each other for decades, the last time being wh…

Maybe she had a little crush on you at the time, so her memory of you holds more weight in her mind than your memory of her does in yours.
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