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How to Become Well-Connected

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Re: How to Become Well-Connected

#141

Post by SandersAK »

brentm wrote: post #130
SandersAK wrote: post #56

I wish articles like this would start with "hey, i come from a place of extreme privilege, and assuming you're in the same boat, here's what i did and it worked out ok for me given the amount of resources i had to take the risks i did." Instead, it gets treated as a sort of recipe which further exacerbates the problem of selection bias and network bias. A lot of this type of thinking is shielded by the immense wealth…

> I wish articles like this would start with "hey, i come from a place of extreme privilege, and assuming you're in the same boat, here's what i did and it worked out ok for me given the amount of resources i had to take the risks i did." I under your general sentiment but if you look at his Linked In ( https://www.linkedin.com/in/chrisfralic/ ) it seems to me that he worked himself into his current position slowly o…

>Point being that everyone has an opportunity to work hard, put themselves in the right situations and eventually earn the right to be in a "place of privilege".

I don't actually think that's true. And the fact that the vast majority of tech investors and wealthy elites are white men is proof of that.

Either it is that everyone else doesn't "work hard and put themselves in the right situations," or there's some other factor (like prejudice and extreme privilege) that is creating barriers for others.

I'm not arguing that white men that have "made it" haven't worked hard to go that last mile, I'm just pointing out that these types of blog posts often fail acknowledge that their starting point is far ahead of everyone else. That lack of awareness is what contributes to the myth of "here's how to do this, and it's a meritocratic process."

Re: How to Become Well-Connected

#142

Post by socmag »

steffan wrote: post #111
socmag wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Right, NLP as a "Science" is kind of crackpot, but there are some things in the texts that are truisms and worthy of note just because they are laid out concisely. It can be very dangerous and malicious to use that basic knowledge of how to conduct a conversation to do what? .. "make people feel special and you care when you absolutely don't give a damn about them", and the conversation is purely a means to an end. T…

I would love to hear the story behind this.

I really don't want to get into it, but it involved a beautiful Russian agent driving a BMW X5, baking implements and cup cakes. That's how it started.

Not the first time I've been approached by the Russians and to be clear I have nothing against them either, but if and when they do it again, please don't steal my paper towels or abuse my washing machine.

Right so reading that you probably think it is so fantastical that it can't possibly be true, or that it is so bizarre what I wrote that it makes no sense and I'm nuts. But there are people out there who know what happened and the truth is even more strange than I can share here.

Well I would agree with you on the weirdness, it was fantastical and it was bizarre, but it isn't the first time I've been approached by them or probably the last. The first time was in the early 90's just after releasing my DES hack thing. It just got weirder from there.

Honestly quite like the attempts in some ways, it's flattering, and she really was talented as were her friends. Cute too.

So to them, please go ahead and try again but next time, leave the Costa Rica thing out, or at least make it somewhere a little more temperate.

I really have no problem working for the intelligence agencies as long as it is for a good reason.

Just be honest.

Re: How to Become Well-Connected

#143

Post by inimino »

chrisdone wrote: post #101
ryandrake wrote: post #37

I consider myself reasonably outgoing, but I've always viewed "networking" as kind of slimy and insincere. At a fundamental level, population A has little to offer / little power and population B has a lot, and networking is the set of personal interactions that population A employs in order to have a shot at interacting/transacting with population B. The "hunter/hunted" relationship mentioned in this article is a ke…

I generally get a slimy feeling whenever I interact with someone who is clearly applying some kind of rules of how to interact, make you feel comfortable and listened to, nodding at the right times and fake-laughing on cue, all the while I feel more and more uncomfortable and alienated. There are certain things you've either got or haven't got. You can't read a book to be good with people any more than to become a go…

Most of the books (Dale Carnegie etc) actually tell you not to do those things. Genuinely listen to people, be honest, don't fake interest or anything else.

That you are "born with it" may apply at the level of high-level national politics or something like that, but for most of us, it's just another skill and the books are helpful.

Re: How to Become Well-Connected

#144

Post by inimino »

erikb wrote: post #126
SandersAK wrote: post #56

I wish articles like this would start with "hey, i come from a place of extreme privilege, and assuming you're in the same boat, here's what i did and it worked out ok for me given the amount of resources i had to take the risks i did." Instead, it gets treated as a sort of recipe which further exacerbates the problem of selection bias and network bias. A lot of this type of thinking is shielded by the immense wealth…

Why? Sending emails from time to time checking in with people is not something you can only do coming from privilege. Looking for something small you can offer others as a "nice to meet you" present is also not something you need privilege for (It's just easier with than without). A friend of mine regularly baked cookies and brought them to office. Will never forget that colleague.

I believe the thesis of the OP isn't that only privileged people can bake cookies. It's that baking cookies is not enough, and the factors not under your control also influence the outcome.

Re: How to Become Well-Connected

#145

Post by naasking »

chrisdone wrote: post #101
ryandrake wrote: post #37

I consider myself reasonably outgoing, but I've always viewed "networking" as kind of slimy and insincere. At a fundamental level, population A has little to offer / little power and population B has a lot, and networking is the set of personal interactions that population A employs in order to have a shot at interacting/transacting with population B. The "hunter/hunted" relationship mentioned in this article is a ke…

I generally get a slimy feeling whenever I interact with someone who is clearly applying some kind of rules of how to interact, make you feel comfortable and listened to, nodding at the right times and fake-laughing on cue, all the while I feel more and more uncomfortable and alienated. There are certain things you've either got or haven't got. You can't read a book to be good with people any more than to become a go…

> There are certain things you've either got or haven't got. You can't read a book to be good with people any more than to become a good comedian.

Reading a math textbook doesn't make you a good mathematician either. It takes practice too, and we should be charitable of others who are perhaps trying to practice and improve their skills, no matter the subject.

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