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How to Become Well-Connected

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Re: How to Become Well-Connected

#101

Post by chrisdone »

ryandrake wrote: post #37

I consider myself reasonably outgoing, but I've always viewed "networking" as kind of slimy and insincere. At a fundamental level, population A has little to offer / little power and population B has a lot, and networking is the set of personal interactions that population A employs in order to have a shot at interacting/transacting with population B. The "hunter/hunted" relationship mentioned in this article is a ke…

I generally get a slimy feeling whenever I interact with someone who is clearly applying some kind of rules of how to interact, make you feel comfortable and listened to, nodding at the right times and fake-laughing on cue, all the while I feel more and more uncomfortable and alienated. There are certain things you've either got or haven't got. You can't read a book to be good with people any more than to become a good comedian.

However, I would prefer that people at least be explicit about the fact they're doing such things. Then it's just process, and not fake and uncomfortable.

Re: How to Become Well-Connected

#102

Post by pdimitar »

reid wrote: post #99
kawera wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thank you, your service seems great and well worth it's price but I really can't afford $500/y specifically for this right now. So far I've been playing the spreadsheet game but it does take a lot of time - I may eventually write a little django crud/workflow app one of these days... sugar codebase scares me!

I am interested in working on an application focused on personal use that can be self-hosted. Using Airtable in the meantime. Agreed that most apps in this space are huge and focused on business and sales. I am more interested in software that helps cultivate personal, offline relationships -- as opposed to ScaleMail and such.

What feature would win you over for such an app?

For me it would probably be the app proactively reminding me "hey, you marked this person as important but haven't contacted them for a month". Even if this can become a bit annoying it still keeps you in the loop and puts a thought at the back of your head.

it's something meme here>

Another one would probably be the app automatically stalking the person and informing you if they're about to participate in an event where a keyword / tag matches your interests. (That sounds pretty tough to do however.)

Re: How to Become Well-Connected

#103

Post by pdimitar »

chrisdone wrote: post #101
ryandrake wrote: post #37

I consider myself reasonably outgoing, but I've always viewed "networking" as kind of slimy and insincere. At a fundamental level, population A has little to offer / little power and population B has a lot, and networking is the set of personal interactions that population A employs in order to have a shot at interacting/transacting with population B. The "hunter/hunted" relationship mentioned in this article is a ke…

I generally get a slimy feeling whenever I interact with someone who is clearly applying some kind of rules of how to interact, make you feel comfortable and listened to, nodding at the right times and fake-laughing on cue, all the while I feel more and more uncomfortable and alienated. There are certain things you've either got or haven't got. You can't read a book to be good with people any more than to become a go…

It's pretty much a gift that you're either born with or have to work your soul off to attain (not directly; more like "let life beat you up so bad that you find yourself humble and respectful").

I too dislike the people who poorly fake the techniques to win over people. My immediate subconscious reaction is:

"They have no other skills and they are desperate to increase their network. Do they have any real skills?"

Re: How to Become Well-Connected

#104

Post by pdimitar »

gh1 wrote: post #67
kyleschiller wrote: post #64

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It really depends on what you want to accomplish, if you're an engineer, love your job and would be happy doing it for the next 4 years, there's probably not too much to gain. If you're an investor, your network is everything.

Yes, agreed. But I guess an engineer would want to make career progress too, right? Isn't it smart to be networked to ensure that you are at the forefront of opportunity? As an aside, I was in the academia previously and it seems that networking is highly correlated with success there.

This struck a nerve in me.

What I found to be true over 15 years of a programmer carreer is that you can grow in your current job, but not by much. There exists some kind of psychological barrier for the people above you and they find all sorts of ways to put you down. Maybe it's just the money; who wants to spend more without knowing beforehand if they'll get more value?

So I'd say for a tech worker networking becomes extremely important if they are looking to move to a next step in their carreer, be it in terms of responsibility, money, new sub-area of work, or a mix of all.

Re: How to Become Well-Connected

#105

Post by pdimitar »

a_d wrote: post #60

There are many great points being made in the article, and in the comments - esp the comment about how this is a rehash of wisdom from Dale Carnegie. I believe these kinds of posts need to have a corollary for introverts - folks that are shyer, more reluctant/reflective (thoughtful, perhaps), aren't great at small talk and find the prospect of starting a conversation intimidating. While I am naturally skeptical of an…

Valuable comment, thank you for it.

I am not introverted at all, quite the contrary. For me the blocker however is a lack of patience, burn-out and being tired almost all the time.

The way out of this is of course exercise, good sleep, and above all -- don't think about networking as an obligation. When I started accepting the fact that networking is a very basic activity practiced by humans probably since the dawn of their existence, it started becoming easier for me to do it and I didn't have to fake a thing when meeting people.

It does feel rewarding indeed but I have long ways to go still. Learning to get out of my flat and actually go meet people at events is a hard thing to overcome. I guess in technical terms this is the initial bootstrap overhead and it'll become easier with time. :)

Re: How to Become Well-Connected

#106

Post by derefr »

pdimitar wrote: post #95
AndrewKemendo wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's the point here. There are a lot of people out there applying these principals who don't really do shit, but by god they are "well connected." You see them at all these entrepreneur events and all they do is waste everyone's time with their bullshit. In the end it doesn't matter how well connected they are because they have no vector and no capabilities. These are the guys who consistently tell you how they are…

I don't know if you're a techie or a businessman but my feedback is almost the same either way. The people you describe are usually quiet / shy -- or simply don't throw themselves at people's faces, which is something very different. I am the latter type; if you hit me with an interesting topic, I can talk with you for hours and will very rarely repeat myself (how valuable what I am saying for you is of course strong…

What's this advice for? It's the object of your advice (the people, like you, who don't network), not the subject, who "needs" to become better-connected/more well-known/achieve higher social capital.

Re: How to Become Well-Connected

#107

Post by stcredzero »

AndrewKemendo wrote: post #34

This whole thing has a huge assumption behind it: That you're someone worth being connected to. His distinction between the Hunted and the Hunters is great, but 99% of people don't fall into the "Hunted" category unless they are doing something exceptional - and even those doing something exceptional aren't typically hunted. So while I think this is a good list, and it's pretty bog standard Carnegie/How to read peopl…

This whole thing has a huge assumption behind it: That you're someone worth being connected to.

Yes, but not necessarily in the way that you mean. In trading, it's said that you make your money in the buying and not in the selling. In networking, you can go after the "hunted," which is basically buying high. If you already have the "funds" for that, it might even be the smart move. As a networker, you can also go after fellow "hunters." You can seek value which hasn't been widely recognized yet.

the most important thing you can do to become well connected is to be doing something that is worth connecting to.

It seems to me, that a good thing to do is to recognize the worth early. "Buy low," then sell high.

Re: How to Become Well-Connected

#108

Post by pdimitar »

derefr wrote: post #106
pdimitar wrote: post #95

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't know if you're a techie or a businessman but my feedback is almost the same either way. The people you describe are usually quiet / shy -- or simply don't throw themselves at people's faces, which is something very different. I am the latter type; if you hit me with an interesting topic, I can talk with you for hours and will very rarely repeat myself (how valuable what I am saying for you is of course strong…

What's this advice for? It's the object of your advice (the people, like you, who don't network), not the subject, who "needs" to become better-connected/more well-known/achieve higher social capital.

The parent commenter said:

> Not sure how to reach those folks practically though.

I offered my comment as an advice on how to talk to such people, at least as far as my exprience and confirmation bias go.

Re: How to Become Well-Connected

#109

Post by goatherders »

AndrewKemendo wrote: post #34

This whole thing has a huge assumption behind it: That you're someone worth being connected to. His distinction between the Hunted and the Hunters is great, but 99% of people don't fall into the "Hunted" category unless they are doing something exceptional - and even those doing something exceptional aren't typically hunted. So while I think this is a good list, and it's pretty bog standard Carnegie/How to read peopl…

Disagree completely. Social media is full of people worth being connected to for no other reason than they have connections. The work world is the same. No matter who you are and who you know you have something to share. Connect with people in a meaningful way and you become the maven, the hunted.

Re: How to Become Well-Connected

#110

Post by goatherders »

ryandrake wrote: post #37

I consider myself reasonably outgoing, but I've always viewed "networking" as kind of slimy and insincere. At a fundamental level, population A has little to offer / little power and population B has a lot, and networking is the set of personal interactions that population A employs in order to have a shot at interacting/transacting with population B. The "hunter/hunted" relationship mentioned in this article is a ke…

I always like comments where people are critical of a "sales pitch" while ignoring the fact that such an aCT exists because it communicates value and provides a person with info they need. In other words, sales pitches work.

So does networking...when done properly.

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