Live data from Hacker News

A New Form of Social Withdrawal in Japan: A Review of ‘Hikikomori’ (2009)

ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

61–70 of 77 posts

Re: A New Form of Social Withdrawal in Japan: A Review of ‘Hikikomori’ (2009)

#61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I really appreciate you sharing your experience. What made you decide to be hikikomori? It's never too late. Tell your parents that you want to change life. Turn their support into something positive. Go out of your house to buy pizza, ice cream, whatever. Get your body moving, the mind will follow. Try to stay in your room without digital devices... for one week. It will clear your thoughts and force you to deal wit…

I wouldn't say it was an active choice, I didn't even known about hikikomori until very recently, but the description fits my lifestyle. I went to trade school and graduated as a network technician/systems administrator, but I never got a job and then time just went on and suddenly I hadn't left my home for years. I wrote in my first post, I'm sad I missed out on so many things in my youth, but sometimes I think the…

I do believe that some people are just not fit to live the average life.

I spent so much time trying to follow normal people. I'm not very different from them, but say, a bit too intellectual (not smart, just intellectual) and introverted. There's a part of human relationships, such as, simple fun, banter, exchanging viewpoint, that are extremely tiresome to me (probably because of an issue with non cerebral exchange, friend and love being a lot less easy for me). For a long time I just followed along as the shy guy, 99% anxious/shy mood. I ended up drifting away.

Now since, a few things happened, I almost had a meaningful relationship with a girl; that changed my view of life, people, friendship, partying, lifestyle and work (work became a mean to an end, not just a playground for passion). Unfortunately the relationship crashed for absurd reasons. I'm now back to lonewolf mindset, but not because I can't live like others going out etc but just because the grief took out any desire for me to do so. I understand both viewpoint, my old "hikikomori" self and the new one.

Lastly I have now a lot less value for what others like. It's just their fun, not mine, I don't feel bad for my tastes (feels like coming out :) but I don't feel the need to do what they do. Not that I avoid it, but I'd say I'm just more stable on my feet. The girl I mentioned before also had a similar realization, for many years we often try to fit the mold, for some it works, for others, it doesn't and you realize you're fine doing your own shit.

I understand the "time flies faster", and btw, the few time I go to family reunions or parties, even though I don't like it really, it messes with my brain, it's a burden a bit, but the next day I feel like my brain has been replenished with randomness (others behaviour, stories, feelings) and it slows time somehow.

Re: A New Form of Social Withdrawal in Japan: A Review of ‘Hikikomori’ (2009)

#62
post #46
post #2

Hikikomori is not only a Japanese phenomenon. I was Hikiki for a year after dropping out of college. I lived with my parents playing WoW all night and sleeping all day. I had very few social interactions. What dragged me into that lifestyle was the complete destruction of my ego. I was simply unprepared to live as an adult. It's not much of a surprise I couldn't cope. In high-school I was coddled for being smart and…

I did something similar for a few months (right down to becoming a nocturnal WoW troglodyte). It started when I quit my job to go traveling, and continued after I returned. For me, it was due to a bit of an existential crisis - my 'life script' had always been 'work hard in school, get good grades, get into uni, do well at uni, get a job'. I'd finished the script and was lost. What now, and why should I care? What dr…

How did you get a job and meet a girl when you played WoW all night and slept all day?

Re: A New Form of Social Withdrawal in Japan: A Review of ‘Hikikomori’ (2009)

#63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In my opinion, required military service for 1-2 years post high school (or deferred until after University) can help mitigate it. I don't have any facts to back up my claim but an environment that has guaranteed work, physical fitness requirements and is heavily team based hits a lot of points. While not a perfect solution, I don't see it discussed often.

An environment where you are being taken care of for every aspects of your life: when to wake up, what to do, what to eat, how to dress, how to talk, when to relax and when to get to sleep again ? Problems would get back as soon as one gets out I am afraid.

Work ethic can make a huge difference though. To one degree or another we all slowly figure out what to do with our lives. Doing it with a drive that's been drilled into you can be a blessing, and a lot of the lessons apply well throughout life; cleanliness, routine sleep schedules, being respectful.

I think there are a lot of potential issues with service, but if you're feeling lost in life, at least you can pick up some habits that should help long term.

Re: A New Form of Social Withdrawal in Japan: A Review of ‘Hikikomori’ (2009)

#64
post #62
post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I did something similar for a few months (right down to becoming a nocturnal WoW troglodyte). It started when I quit my job to go traveling, and continued after I returned. For me, it was due to a bit of an existential crisis - my 'life script' had always been 'work hard in school, get good grades, get into uni, do well at uni, get a job'. I'd finished the script and was lost. What now, and why should I care? What dr…

How did you get a job and meet a girl when you played WoW all night and slept all day?

this guy asking the real questions

Re: A New Form of Social Withdrawal in Japan: A Review of ‘Hikikomori’ (2009)

#65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I really appreciate you sharing your experience. What made you decide to be hikikomori? It's never too late. Tell your parents that you want to change life. Turn their support into something positive. Go out of your house to buy pizza, ice cream, whatever. Get your body moving, the mind will follow. Try to stay in your room without digital devices... for one week. It will clear your thoughts and force you to deal wit…

I wouldn't say it was an active choice, I didn't even known about hikikomori until very recently, but the description fits my lifestyle. I went to trade school and graduated as a network technician/systems administrator, but I never got a job and then time just went on and suddenly I hadn't left my home for years. I wrote in my first post, I'm sad I missed out on so many things in my youth, but sometimes I think the…

Well, "going to parties" means nothing. So many people go out regularly, but really just pretend to have fun and socialize while actually being bored, going out just out of habit or because "you're supposed to". It's like a lottery, you keep playing it out of irrational hope that you'll have more luck next time. And then you go home and feel like shit and lonely, you could've just as well spent the night watching movies or playing games all night, you'd probably have more fun. Thing is not about being at certain places or following certain social rituals, it's about enjoying the activity. If you truly don't enjoy something, fuck it, just don't do that. But problem is that we often don't do things cause we're afraid of doing them, and we'd otherwise really want to try them. That's what's killing us, wondering "what if I only did it". If you can come over that, get over regrets, you can live a happy fulfilled life by doing whatever, where ever...

Re: A New Form of Social Withdrawal in Japan: A Review of ‘Hikikomori’ (2009)

#66

I have been living as a Hikikomori for the last eight years. Every two years I leave my home for a few hours, but I spend the rest of the time in front of my computers. I don't have any friends in real life or online and the only people I interact with are my parents. Every meal is prepared for me so the only thing I have to do is my laundry once a month. I often think about how fast time flies when living this lifes…

[deleted]

Re: A New Form of Social Withdrawal in Japan: A Review of ‘Hikikomori’ (2009)

#67
post #11
post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

But didn't you actually have a lot of social interactions if you played WoW? I played a lot of online games, and they were my primary source of social interaction. To someone who doesn't understand how one can be social on the internet, it could have appeared that I was socially withdrawn, but I wasn't. Like any condition though, the negative consequences have their own merit: playing video games most of the day does…

I always question that. I've played online too, and ever got to "know" some people (as much as you can know an anonymous nickname). But in face to face situations, the online interactions really weren't very useful. Did you find face-to-face easier because of online experiences?

[deleted]

Re: A New Form of Social Withdrawal in Japan: A Review of ‘Hikikomori’ (2009)

#68
post #2

Hikikomori is not only a Japanese phenomenon. I was Hikiki for a year after dropping out of college. I lived with my parents playing WoW all night and sleeping all day. I had very few social interactions. What dragged me into that lifestyle was the complete destruction of my ego. I was simply unprepared to live as an adult. It's not much of a surprise I couldn't cope. In high-school I was coddled for being smart and…

Thank you for sharing. This comment thread is 10x as enlightening as the linked article. I am only curious, what specifically about adult life had such a powerful destructive effect?

Re: A New Form of Social Withdrawal in Japan: A Review of ‘Hikikomori’ (2009)

#69
post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wouldn't say it was an active choice, I didn't even known about hikikomori until very recently, but the description fits my lifestyle. I went to trade school and graduated as a network technician/systems administrator, but I never got a job and then time just went on and suddenly I hadn't left my home for years. I wrote in my first post, I'm sad I missed out on so many things in my youth, but sometimes I think the…

Your post is really fascinating to me. I do think it's possible to be happy living unconventionally. My life is also unconventional, though in a different way. Do you socialize online a lot? Do you work freelance at all or are you financially supported? How do you usually pass the time other than programming? What do your parents think about it?

I don't socialize online at all as it would quickly feel like a burden to me.

I don't work freelance or have any income at all, but I'm very low maintenance as I don't eat much and don't like material possessions. All I own is a few computers and a toothbrush, but I don't have any debt either. I think it would be impossible to make my life more minimalistic than it is now.

Once a month I do my laundry and all other time is spent at the computers. I work on a project for some months, delete it after completion and start over with a new project.

I think my parents has gotten ‎acclimated to it as the change was gradually over a long time and not from one day to another.

Re: A New Form of Social Withdrawal in Japan: A Review of ‘Hikikomori’ (2009)

#70
post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your post is really fascinating to me. I do think it's possible to be happy living unconventionally. My life is also unconventional, though in a different way. Do you socialize online a lot? Do you work freelance at all or are you financially supported? How do you usually pass the time other than programming? What do your parents think about it?

I don't socialize online at all as it would quickly feel like a burden to me. I don't work freelance or have any income at all, but I'm very low maintenance as I don't eat much and don't like material possessions. All I own is a few computers and a toothbrush, but I don't have any debt either. I think it would be impossible to make my life more minimalistic than it is now. Once a month I do my laundry and all other t…

> I work on a project for some months, delete it after completion and start over with a new project.

Damn, that is hard to hear. Is it because you don't think the project is good enough? Will you get to a point where you don't delete your projects?

I am a little like you otherwise, especially in being low maintenance and owning almost nothing except for a computer. I don't hang out with much of anyone besides my wife anymore, but I do go out nearly every day to exercise under the sun. And I prioritize working as little as possible, just a freelance project every few months to keep enough money for food and leave as much time as possible for my own projects (but I don't delete them!).

Post reply on HN