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A New Form of Social Withdrawal in Japan: A Review of ‘Hikikomori’ (2009)

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Re: A New Form of Social Withdrawal in Japan: A Review of ‘Hikikomori’ (2009)

#51

Post by taneq »

aianus wrote: post #49
taneq wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I did something similar for a few months (right down to becoming a nocturnal WoW troglodyte). It started when I quit my job to go traveling, and continued after I returned. For me, it was due to a bit of an existential crisis - my 'life script' had always been 'work hard in school, get good grades, get into uni, do well at uni, get a job'. I'd finished the script and was lost. What now, and why should I care? What dr…

What comes next? I'm also completely lost at the end of the life script and I'm not interested in getting a wife, kids, or mortgage like my peers seem to be.

At that point I kind of dodged the question by getting a high-maintenance girlfriend who dragged me through continual crises. Which kept me occupied, at least. I'm not selling this 'get a wife' thing very well, am I? :P

Now, though, I've boiled it down to 'pick a new goal, work towards that goal, achieve (or abandon) goal, repeat'. I was stuck on the idea that there was no 'right' choice, I've now realised that means there's no 'wrong' choice either, so I just do what I find to be most rewarding, which is building useful things.

Re: A New Form of Social Withdrawal in Japan: A Review of ‘Hikikomori’ (2009)

#52

Post by EuroHikikomori »

Red_Tarsius wrote: post #38
EuroHikikomori wrote: post #25

I have been living as a Hikikomori for the last eight years. Every two years I leave my home for a few hours, but I spend the rest of the time in front of my computers. I don't have any friends in real life or online and the only people I interact with are my parents. Every meal is prepared for me so the only thing I have to do is my laundry once a month. I often think about how fast time flies when living this lifes…

I really appreciate you sharing your experience. What made you decide to be hikikomori? It's never too late. Tell your parents that you want to change life. Turn their support into something positive. Go out of your house to buy pizza, ice cream, whatever. Get your body moving, the mind will follow. Try to stay in your room without digital devices... for one week. It will clear your thoughts and force you to deal wit…

I wouldn't say it was an active choice, I didn't even known about hikikomori until very recently, but the description fits my lifestyle.

I went to trade school and graduated as a network technician/systems administrator, but I never got a job and then time just went on and suddenly I hadn't left my home for years.

I wrote in my first post, I'm sad I missed out on so many things in my youth, but sometimes I think the reason why I'm sad is because I have been conditioned by social conventions to believe that I should be.

If I had been going to parties in my twenties, according to social conventions, I wouldn't have missed out and should be happy, but what if I should be true to myself?

I have actually never really enjoyed other peoples company and had I been invited to parties, there is a great chance that I would just stand awkwardly in the corner waiting to go home.

I do get extreme enjoyment from programming and doing other computer stuff alone, and I'm able to do it 24/7. Maybe I actually have the most fulfilled life that I could ever have, following my personal preferences, but social conventions are preventing me to acknowledge it?

It's a double-edged sword.

Re: A New Form of Social Withdrawal in Japan: A Review of ‘Hikikomori’ (2009)

#53

Post by l33tbro »

Red_Tarsius wrote: post #38
EuroHikikomori wrote: post #25

I have been living as a Hikikomori for the last eight years. Every two years I leave my home for a few hours, but I spend the rest of the time in front of my computers. I don't have any friends in real life or online and the only people I interact with are my parents. Every meal is prepared for me so the only thing I have to do is my laundry once a month. I often think about how fast time flies when living this lifes…

I really appreciate you sharing your experience. What made you decide to be hikikomori? It's never too late. Tell your parents that you want to change life. Turn their support into something positive. Go out of your house to buy pizza, ice cream, whatever. Get your body moving, the mind will follow. Try to stay in your room without digital devices... for one week. It will clear your thoughts and force you to deal wit…

With respect, I don't think you are telling this person anything new here. While not hikki, I've studied this community for a couple of years and it's precisely these "normie" platitudes that they resent. Again, I know you just want to help. But I've learnt that they are a pretty self-aware bunch who understand their condition and how it could be changed. The problem lies elsewhere, as it's usually either a deeply compounded crippling self-worth, an ingrained tendency to not want to socialise, or both.

Re: A New Form of Social Withdrawal in Japan: A Review of ‘Hikikomori’ (2009)

#54

Post by EuroHikikomori »

zeroer wrote: post #34
EuroHikikomori wrote: post #25

I have been living as a Hikikomori for the last eight years. Every two years I leave my home for a few hours, but I spend the rest of the time in front of my computers. I don't have any friends in real life or online and the only people I interact with are my parents. Every meal is prepared for me so the only thing I have to do is my laundry once a month. I often think about how fast time flies when living this lifes…

What do you leave your house for for a few hours every two years?

The hospital for a check-up.

Re: A New Form of Social Withdrawal in Japan: A Review of ‘Hikikomori’ (2009)

#55

Post by synicalx »

EuroHikikomori wrote: post #25

I have been living as a Hikikomori for the last eight years. Every two years I leave my home for a few hours, but I spend the rest of the time in front of my computers. I don't have any friends in real life or online and the only people I interact with are my parents. Every meal is prepared for me so the only thing I have to do is my laundry once a month. I often think about how fast time flies when living this lifes…

If it's any consolation, parties in your 20's tend to get old pretty quick - especially if you've been doing it since your... teenies?

I'd much rather sit at home with the missus and my cat and make myself some nice cocktails rather than go back into a big house party, or a nightclub and I'm only 24! A lot of my friends are in the same boat - no one parties any more, we all just sort of "got over" it.

Re: A New Form of Social Withdrawal in Japan: A Review of ‘Hikikomori’ (2009)

#56

Post by 3131s »

EuroHikikomori wrote: post #52
Red_Tarsius wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I really appreciate you sharing your experience. What made you decide to be hikikomori? It's never too late. Tell your parents that you want to change life. Turn their support into something positive. Go out of your house to buy pizza, ice cream, whatever. Get your body moving, the mind will follow. Try to stay in your room without digital devices... for one week. It will clear your thoughts and force you to deal wit…

I wouldn't say it was an active choice, I didn't even known about hikikomori until very recently, but the description fits my lifestyle. I went to trade school and graduated as a network technician/systems administrator, but I never got a job and then time just went on and suddenly I hadn't left my home for years. I wrote in my first post, I'm sad I missed out on so many things in my youth, but sometimes I think the…

Your post is really fascinating to me. I do think it's possible to be happy living unconventionally. My life is also unconventional, though in a different way.

Do you socialize online a lot? Do you work freelance at all or are you financially supported? How do you usually pass the time other than programming? What do your parents think about it?

Re: A New Form of Social Withdrawal in Japan: A Review of ‘Hikikomori’ (2009)

#57

Post by pitay »

EuroHikikomori wrote: post #25

I have been living as a Hikikomori for the last eight years. Every two years I leave my home for a few hours, but I spend the rest of the time in front of my computers. I don't have any friends in real life or online and the only people I interact with are my parents. Every meal is prepared for me so the only thing I have to do is my laundry once a month. I often think about how fast time flies when living this lifes…

My apologies for this unsolicited opinion, but have you considered getting weights if you haven't got them already? If you get some weights you can do some extra exercise in your room, just learn how to use the weights safely. I believe your parents would be more than happy to get you them. It would be an improvement in itself and may possibly lead to better things. Just my opinion though.

Re: A New Form of Social Withdrawal in Japan: A Review of ‘Hikikomori’ (2009)

#58

Post by johnchristopher »

lazypenguin wrote: post #50
ue_ wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't know of any 'solution' to this (if one agrees it is something to be solved), though to deal with your inner voice, it's best to listen to it, and I think that meditation can be a good way to do that. Sometimes I'm arguing on HN or imageboards etc. and I think that to wind down from it all, to realise the impermanence of it, it's good to meditate, noticing the thoughts that appear in your mind. No distractions…

In my opinion, required military service for 1-2 years post high school (or deferred until after University) can help mitigate it. I don't have any facts to back up my claim but an environment that has guaranteed work, physical fitness requirements and is heavily team based hits a lot of points. While not a perfect solution, I don't see it discussed often.

An environment where you are being taken care of for every aspects of your life: when to wake up, what to do, what to eat, how to dress, how to talk, when to relax and when to get to sleep again ? Problems would get back as soon as one gets out I am afraid.

Re: A New Form of Social Withdrawal in Japan: A Review of ‘Hikikomori’ (2009)

#59

Post by golergka »

One of the most hard things to comprehend in life is how different can you feel and how different can your own ideals become.

I was like that; as described before in the same thread, a western, light version of hikki - staying at home, eating tv dinners, spending time in front of the computer. Almost no social interaction, cut in a loop, 26 hour days, and happy with it.

And I'm looking where I am now: doing sports, enjoying and throwing parties, keeping in contact with a lot of friends, a lot of whom said me that I have an outgoing personality and charisma... And all of that with almost no time left for TV series or videogames. And I am happy and feel in harmony in this state, too.

These two people don't understand one another and can't comprehend how the other lifestyle can be enjoyable. And I don't really understand how the hell a happy, self-content man can transition from one such state to another - but it happens. In my experience, people do actually change a lot in their lifetime, even if they don't expect it themselves, and one of the most surprising things about this article is how stable the lives of those hikki are over a long amount of time.

Re: A New Form of Social Withdrawal in Japan: A Review of ‘Hikikomori’ (2009)

#60

Post by pjc50 »

lazypenguin wrote: post #50
ue_ wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't know of any 'solution' to this (if one agrees it is something to be solved), though to deal with your inner voice, it's best to listen to it, and I think that meditation can be a good way to do that. Sometimes I'm arguing on HN or imageboards etc. and I think that to wind down from it all, to realise the impermanence of it, it's good to meditate, noticing the thoughts that appear in your mind. No distractions…

In my opinion, required military service for 1-2 years post high school (or deferred until after University) can help mitigate it. I don't have any facts to back up my claim but an environment that has guaranteed work, physical fitness requirements and is heavily team based hits a lot of points. While not a perfect solution, I don't see it discussed often.

.. and a large amount of bullying, harassment and occasional suicide problems?

(seriously, "bring back national service, but I don't have any facts" is a terrible argument for HN)

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