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How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

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Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#71

Post by 0xbadcafebee »

xor1 wrote: post #56

I think the article severely downplays the importance of attractiveness. If the other party finds you attractive, the bar is lowered to the point of you simply being normal/average in terms of intelligence, wit, and whatever else you want to include in your definition of what makes a person "interesting". You basically need to be a vapid idiot to give anyone a bad impression as an attractive person. It's a huge facto…

Attractive is not physical appearance or good looks. Attractive is a culmination of all the factors that can be observed or known that will give a positive impression.

It is usually much more important to carry yourself as attractive than to be beautiful. Confidence, honesty, friendliness, integrity, etc all can be assumed by a picture of a beautiful person, but in practice it's body language that portrays these qualities better. In addition, things like humor and other tips in the article can control someone's impression much more than looks.

Make yourself hot if you want. But if you're still insecure or unhappy inside, it's going to come off as unattractive. (Unless you then act more alpha as a defense mechanism to this... Behavior is complicated)

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#72

Post by xor1 »

onmobiletemp wrote: post #67
xor1 wrote: post #56

I think the article severely downplays the importance of attractiveness. If the other party finds you attractive, the bar is lowered to the point of you simply being normal/average in terms of intelligence, wit, and whatever else you want to include in your definition of what makes a person "interesting". You basically need to be a vapid idiot to give anyone a bad impression as an attractive person. It's a huge facto…

Please stop, you are wrong. Im attractive and people hate me. Have you ever considered whats its like to be attractive? People are instantly jealous of you and hate you. And they make sure to lay judgement into you -- if you arent whip smart they will tear you down just like anyone else. I know ugly, average looking and good looking people who all do very well with people and in life. It comes down to your intelligen…

>Please stop, you are wrong. Im attractive and people hate me. Have you ever considered whats its like to be attractive? People are instantly jealous of you and hate you. And they make sure to lay judgement into you -- if you arent whip smart they will tear you down just like anyone else.

Sorry, but I've never seen anything like this happen after high school. Attractiveness is respected, especially if you can keep or improve it as you begin to age.

>Please dont mutilate your face like a south korean teenager.

If you're referring to the eyelid surgery, it's not THAT kind of eyelid surgery.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#73

Post by superasn »

Oh internet and self-help gurus. Why do you have to be the "best" at everything and get the most of out stuff.

It's like those things they teach you that before giving a bad review first start with the good points then add a "but". Sound great in theory but just absurd when you realize someone is doing it to you on purpose.

You know you can do all this and create great rapport and win the title for best conversationalist but if this is not your nature you still won't have fun nor create that connection which you can have by just being you, with all your flaws, moles and warts. If you're not a total asshole, people like you anyway.

Just imagine if your friends were like this. Trying to be the best conversationalist they can be with you instead of being the usual silly dickheads they generally are..

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#75

Post by jaequery »

onmobiletemp wrote: post #67
xor1 wrote: post #56

I think the article severely downplays the importance of attractiveness. If the other party finds you attractive, the bar is lowered to the point of you simply being normal/average in terms of intelligence, wit, and whatever else you want to include in your definition of what makes a person "interesting". You basically need to be a vapid idiot to give anyone a bad impression as an attractive person. It's a huge facto…

Please stop, you are wrong. Im attractive and people hate me. Have you ever considered whats its like to be attractive? People are instantly jealous of you and hate you. And they make sure to lay judgement into you -- if you arent whip smart they will tear you down just like anyone else. I know ugly, average looking and good looking people who all do very well with people and in life. It comes down to your intelligen…

"Please stop, you are wrong".

After reading the article, I can sort of see where the problem lies. Judging people does no good. =D

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#76

Post by xor1 »

0xbadcafebee wrote: post #71
xor1 wrote: post #56

I think the article severely downplays the importance of attractiveness. If the other party finds you attractive, the bar is lowered to the point of you simply being normal/average in terms of intelligence, wit, and whatever else you want to include in your definition of what makes a person "interesting". You basically need to be a vapid idiot to give anyone a bad impression as an attractive person. It's a huge facto…

Attractive is not physical appearance or good looks. Attractive is a culmination of all the factors that can be observed or known that will give a positive impression. It is usually much more important to carry yourself as attractive than to be beautiful. Confidence, honesty, friendliness, integrity, etc all can be assumed by a picture of a beautiful person, but in practice it's body language that portrays these qual…

>But if you're still insecure or unhappy inside, it's going to come off as unattractive.

What makes you think that I'm insecure or unhappy to begin with? I see this as an investment in myself.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#77

Post by jfoutz »

tyingq wrote: post #50
Baeocystin wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It really, honestly doesn't. A good conversationalist knows how to draw trust from their partner. One of the great benefits of learning how to listen and respond with genuine interest is that you can pierce the walls people put up. There is no one 'key'; it only comes with practice.

I disagree. If you're already defensive about your job, you may be prone to misinterpret that statement as sarcasm, even when delivered perfectly. I imagine there's safer comments or questions you could go with.

Round two is likely something like "no, I don't think I could do that, it sounds hard to me. You have skills I don't "

But it has to be genuine. You can't read a script, you have to mean it.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#78

Post by vinceguidry »

Everything about this is highly contextual and varies across cultures. Smiling in some situations makes you look powerful, in many others it makes you look weak. Being very animated can make you look carefree in some situations and just wild in others.

The more time I spend in cultures that I didn't grow up in, the more convinced I become that there just aren't any universalities in this direction. Any attempt to do so is to try to generalize over all human behavior and the effort will either be wrong, being that there will be some cultures or situations where the rule doesn't hold, or it'll be useless, essentially telling you what you already know.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#79

Post by hamandcheese »

"Ask people questions since people love talking about themselves" is common conversational advice I hear.

In general I agree, but it's a bit disheartening when you realize that many people are so happy to talk about themselves that they never bother to ask you about yourself.

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