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How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

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Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#31

Post by dkarapetyan »

There was that one time I observed a peculiar quality about a certain CEO. No matter what he was talking about it somehow would always circle back to talking about whatever company he was currently at and the conversation would always end with a joke and hearty laugh for all involved. This happened consistently enough that I thought it was a pre-determined act on his part.

Once I realized he was always practicing I kinda stopped talking to the guy because there was never any genuine interaction. He was always on the job and he was always practicing selling. Every conversation was just another opportunity for him to practice his messaging. I dubbed this mode of interacting and talking ceoesque.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#32

Post by tyingq »

tunap wrote: post #25
rrherr wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes! My favorite tactic to get people talking about themselves comes from Paul Ford: Just ask the other person what they do, and right after they tell you, say: “Wow. That sounds hard.” Because nearly everyone in the world believes their job to be difficult. I once went to a party and met a very beautiful woman whose job was to help celebrities wear Harry Winston jewelry. I could tell that she was disappointed to be…

"She kept touching me as she talked. I forgave her for that." Salesmen/Saleswomen know a pat on the back or a touch on the arm can be very disarming. When a stranger touches me purposefully I cannot help but scrutinize the "why?".

Pretty bold of a salesperson to grab your forearm, or other obviously flirtatious moves though. Might even risk the opposite of the intended effect.

Is that common, or is it usually more subtle, like touching your hand when passing a pen?

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#33

Post by drvdevd »

tyingq wrote: post #2

The best bit of advice in the article: The right question is “How do I get them talking about themselves?“ I've noticed that even if the only thing you do is ask someone their opinion, and listen attentively, there is some sort of distortion field effect. They will often later recall you as knowledgeable, insightful, etc...even though you never did anything but ask questions.

Makes me think of Eliza :)

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#34

Post by cmahler7 »

hoodoof wrote: post #15

I know a small number of very charismatic people. It seems to just be a natural function of who they are. I have always wondered if there was a way to "become charismatic".

I'd say it's like any skill, you can improve but most will never be elite. Anybody can improve their jump shot, but most won't make the NBA.

Anybody can improve their charisma, but most aren't going to reach Steve Jobs level charisma

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#35

Post by sirclueless »

bthallplz wrote: post #16
bitL wrote: post #5

Am I the only person that feels "hacking other people" for my own benefit is wrong?

No, it does feel weird, especially when we suppose that the "hacked" person derive no benefit from being "hacked." However, if the "hacker" provides more value to the "hacked" person than the "hacker" captures as a result, the "hacked" person might be OK with the exchange. This sounds a bit more OK to me, but still the notion of manipulating others does get under my skin.

In a sense it is manipulative to consciously direct someone else's behavior in a way that benefits you. But interacting with people is rarely a zero-sum game. Whatever benefit you derive, warm feelings and enjoying the person they are talking to are both things that the other person probably wants from the conversation as well.

If you go into a conversation and the result is that the other person thinks you are uninteresting and they don't have anything to say, it is negative for everyone involved. Productive conversations are usually productive for both people, it's not likely that you are somehow sapping away something that belonged to another person, rather that you are turning time spent by both parties into something of value to both of you instead of wasting it.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#37

Post by meesterdude »

AndrewOMartin wrote: post #36

I've been the recipient of active listening on more than one occasion and it's made me want to tear that persons lungs out through their mouth. It feels like you're the victim of a corrupt bureaucrat's evil stalling tactic.

Then they're doing it wrong - which is not uncommon. When I learned about active listening, there where a number of adults i remembered growing up who actively listened, and they were the most engaging people.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#38

Post by bigchewy »

AndrewOMartin wrote: post #36

I've been the recipient of active listening on more than one occasion and it's made me want to tear that persons lungs out through their mouth. It feels like you're the victim of a corrupt bureaucrat's evil stalling tactic.

you were the recipient of people that were terrible and/or just new at active listening. If it's done right, you just feel like you are enjoying the conversation. no different than writing code, playing the piano etc. related, some people are just genuinely interested in other people; that's also not noticeable.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#39

Post by meesterdude »

hoodoof wrote: post #15

I know a small number of very charismatic people. It seems to just be a natural function of who they are. I have always wondered if there was a way to "become charismatic".

hrm... wasn't for me. Not that I'm Mr. Charismatic - but I changed my thinking and perspective of the world, and as a side effect I gained all sorts of charisma from it i've specifically never had before - to the point where I get free food at restaurants I frequent.

To be come charismatic, I think you need to start with your own acceptance. After that, everyone else becomes easier.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#40

Post by jnicholasp »

bitL wrote: post #5

Am I the only person that feels "hacking other people" for my own benefit is wrong?

It's much more about giving up the attempt to hack people. The last three sentences of the article sum it up well:

Stop trying to impress people or "win" the conversation. It's really much simpler than that. Just listen intently and make people feel good about themselves.

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