A Prague citizen came to local police station in fall 1968. At the desk he claimed "Officer, a Swiss soldier stole my Russian watch". Officer looked puzzled and responded "I guess you mean that a Russian soldier stole your Swiss watch." The man replied "It might be so, but remember that you said that. Not me."
CIA Declassified Coldwar Russian Jokes [pdf]
191–200 of 272 posts
Re: CIA Declassified Coldwar Russian Jokes [pdf]
#192Earlier quoted context omitted.
If you've seen Russian wives you now this is not a joke (ducks).
Unless you refer to old(er) working class women with a hard life I don't see how any reasonable person can think that's even remotely a basis for a joke, given how much more beautiful Russian women look on average. Just walk around Russian cities. Having lived in the US for a decade and having been to Russia and Ukraine several times, sometimes for months living in a rented apartment, I know which country I'd choose…
What physical beauty has to do with it?
Re: CIA Declassified Coldwar Russian Jokes [pdf]
#193Earlier quoted context omitted.
The default expectation is for dogs to not speak, also in "joke world".
See for example: A man walks into a bar with a small dog under his arm and sits down at the counter, placing the dog on the stool next to him. The bartender says, "Sorry, pal. No dogs allowed." The man says, "But this is a special dog -- he talks!" "Yeah, right," says the bartender. "Now get out of here before I throw you out." "No, wait," says the man. "I'll prove it." He turns to the dog and asks, "What do you norm…
The variant of this joke for mathematicians (source: https://jcdverha.home.xs4all.nl/scijokes/1_12.html):
I saw the following in "The Knot Book" by Colin Adams (a very readable introduction to Knot Theory). The joke is attributed to Joel Haas.
A woman walks into a bar accompanied by a dog and a cow. The bartender says, "Hey, no animals are allowed in here." The woman replies, "These are very special animals." "How so?" "They're knot theorists." The bartender raises his eyebrows and says, "I've met a number of knot theorists who I thought were animals, but never an animal that was a knot theorist." "Well, I'll prove it to you. Ask them them anything you like." So the bartender asks the dog, "Name a knot invariant." "Arf, arf" barks the dog. The bartender scowls and turns to the cow asking, "Name a topological invariant." The cow says, "Mu, mu." At this point the bartender turns to the woman, says, "Just what are you trying to pull" and throws them out of the bar.
Outside, the dog turns to the woman and asks, "Do you think I should have said the Jones polynomial?"
Re: CIA Declassified Coldwar Russian Jokes [pdf]
#194Earlier quoted context omitted.
...but it helps.
WW3 is just over. Some men in hazmat suits walk through a deserted and bombed out city, geiger meters screeching. Suddenly, they see three men setting in a park, playing cards. Curious, they walk over and ask - how can you be alive, you have no protective gear? - Oh, we are from Krakow.
I don't get it -- is there a lot of radiation in Krakow, or something?
Re: CIA Declassified Coldwar Russian Jokes [pdf]
#195A bit different but here's my favorite European joke: An Italian politician invites his Greek politician friend over for a visit. The Greek pulls up in front of an elegant manor house and is welcomed by the staff. He walks in through a foyer with marble floors and a huge marble staircase with ornamental banisters and a crystal chandelier. They walk through to a lovely veranda overlooking the river, and sit down to ea…
A Brazillian similar joke. Italy government was choosing who to build the bridge (maybe the one in the previous joke). 3 contractors made bids, a German, an US, and a Brazillian one. The German bid that for 40 million he could make a near indestructible steel bridge with perfect tolerances. The US company tried to do the opposite, they offered to make a cheap concrete bridge, with "just enough" within the requirement…
Funny, in Argentina two of the most famous corruption cases involved IBM and Siemens.
Re: CIA Declassified Coldwar Russian Jokes [pdf]
#196Over here in Romania the Radio Yerevan jokes were some of the most famous (http://www.armeniapedia.org/index.php?title=Radio_Yerevan_Jo...). My favorite one:
"""
Q: Is it true that Ivan Ivanovich Ivanov from Moscow won a car in a lottery?
A: In principle yes, but:
1. it wasn't Ivan Ivanovich Ivanov but Aleksander Aleksandrovich Aleksandrov;
2. he is not from Moscow but from Odessa;
3. it was not a car but a bicycle;
4. he didn't win it, but it was stolen from him.
"""
Re: CIA Declassified Coldwar Russian Jokes [pdf]
#197Earlier quoted context omitted.
Brezhnev wakes up and looks out at the rising sun. He says, "Good morning, Comrade Sun!" The sun replies, "Good morning, Comrade Brezhnev!" At noon, Brezhnev stands on a balcony at the Kremlin and looks up. "Hello, Comrade Sun! It's a fine day!" The sun replies, "Hello, Comrade Brezhnev! Yes, it's a fine day!" Just before sunset, Brezhnev looks out and says, "Good evening, Comrade Sun!" The sun replies, "Screw you! I…
An East German version of this, with Erich Honecker in place of Brezhnev, is told by a young Stasi recruit in the 2006 film "Das Leben der Anderen". Spoiler alert: The attempt at humor proves severely career-limiting.
I thought it was the hang up and try again joke:
What's the difference between Honecker and a telephone? Nothing! Just hang up and try again!
(aufhängen, neuwählen means both "hang up and try again" and "hang him and vote again")
Re: CIA Declassified Coldwar Russian Jokes [pdf]
#198Over here in Romania the Radio Yerevan jokes were some of the most famous ( http://www.armeniapedia.org/index.php?title=Radio_Yerevan_Jo... ). My favorite one: """ Q: Is it true that Ivan Ivanovich Ivanov from Moscow won a car in a lottery? A: In principle yes, but: 1. it wasn't Ivan Ivanovich Ivanov but Aleksander Aleksandrovich Aleksandrov; 2. he is not from Moscow but from Odessa; 3. it was not a car but a bicycle…
The Radio Yerevan ("Eriwan" here in germany) jokes are really great! They always follow a question / answer principle with many of them having the "In principle yes".
Another favorite of mine is:
"""
Q: Is it true that carrots are good against erectile disfunction?
A: In principle yes, but in practice there are problems with the fixation.
"""
Re: CIA Declassified Coldwar Russian Jokes [pdf]
#199Earlier quoted context omitted.
Inserting jokes is not that easy. A joke needs to be told in person, create laughs and get retold, go viral. Similarly there's no reliable formula for viral videos etc. And, the Russians were pissed enough and cynical enough and often drunk enough to get pleasure from creating their own. Laughing at the cruel unjust absurdity of their Situation was some of the last bit of power they had to form their narrative.
People in all countries make jokes about the problems of their society or lives, or their government or bureaucracy or businesses; you don't have to live in "cruel unjust" absurdity or be "drunk enough" to do so, or be afflicted by any other stereotype or trope.
> you don't have to live in "cruel unjust" absurdity or be "drunk enough" to do so, or be afflicted by any other stereotype or trope.
That is correct, but as a Romanian some of the best jokes I've ever heard were created late under Ceausescu's regime, in the '80s, when the economic and political situation was the most dire. The most famous character was Bulă (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bul%C4%83), whose life ended just as Ceausescu fell. I haven't heard better jokes since then. One which I remember as a kid, told by my father to his drunken friends (back in the day your dad could actually take you over with him to the pub, even if you were only 7 or 8 years old):
""" There's a ministerial inspection at the school where Bulă studies, and, as usual, he sits in the last bench (Bulă is not the brightest of pupils). As Bulă's hot lady teacher starts presenting the lesson one of the inspectors, who was sitting right next to Bulă, tells the other inspector, without most of those present hearing it, apart from Bulă:
'This teacher's legs really do look hot!'
As the lesson continues the lady teacher poses a question for her pupils to answer. Bulă, sensing his chance, frantically raises his hand. The teacher, slightly bewildered by Bulă's recently found excitement for learning, tells him:
'Tell us the answer to my question, Bulă, and good for you for showing interest in the lesson!'
to which Bulă answers:
'Your legs look really hot!'
Of course that makes the teacher very mad, she starts cursing at Bulă and throwing him some slaps. After all is said and done Bulă turns back and tells the two school inspectors:
'Well, you stupid lads, if you didn't know the answer to the teacher's question why did you whisper it?'
"""
Re: CIA Declassified Coldwar Russian Jokes [pdf]
#200Earlier quoted context omitted.
I lived in Poland for a while. I've heard at least one of these from people who lived there before solidarity.
My parents always said that bad politics creates the best comedy. There's a lot of comedy shows filmed in socialist Poland and they're amazing. Both really clever and funny. Even though they had to be reviewed by censors first, the things that got through were still very much about politics. Some so pointed, I still don't know if the censors were too lazy to read the script, or ignored the rules...
> bad politics creates the best comedy.
Humor is a very powerful way of dealing with otherwise intolerable circumstances without going insane.