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CIA Declassified Coldwar Russian Jokes [pdf]

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Re: CIA Declassified Coldwar Russian Jokes [pdf]

#161

Post by leephillips »

GigabyteCoin wrote: post #74

I understood every single joke on that list except this one: >A man goes into a shop and asks "You don't have any meat?". "No," replies the sales lady. "We don't have any fish. It's the store across the street that doesn't have any meat." I just don't get it at all... is it just a bad joke? I understand that stores ran out of products in that situation, but if you just had to walk across to street to get what you wer…

It struck me as a variation of one that's from an old movie (can't remember which) and is a favorite of some philosophers:

Man in restaurant: "May I have a cup of coffee without cream?"

Waiter: "Sorry, we're all out of cream. Would you like it without milk?"

Re: CIA Declassified Coldwar Russian Jokes [pdf]

#162

Post by SiVal »

nf05papsjfVbc wrote: post #153
mlillie wrote: post #16

OK, I need to add my favorite Russian joke here: A German and a Russian die. Neither has been the best person in their life, so they get sent down there. When they arrive in hell, the devil says, "Well, especially bad people have been dying lately, and we're all full up. I can only accept one of you, the other will go to purgatory and get a chance at redemption." He proposes a simple test of their human decency: Each…

Er... could someone please explain this one to me. I don't understand the joke.

The German got the dog to do tricks by rewarding it; the Russian got it to do a much harder trick (talking) by cruel punishment (starvation)

Re: CIA Declassified Coldwar Russian Jokes [pdf]

#163

Post by krylon »

kamyarg wrote: post #94

Here is my favorite one: The KGB, the FBI and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary General of the UN decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations the…

I knew a variant of that joke from Eastern Germany, where the police, the military and the Stasi (GDR intelligence service) went hunting, but I like this version even better. ;-)

Re: CIA Declassified Coldwar Russian Jokes [pdf]

#166

Post by lisivka »

ommunist wrote: post #133

Three men in a platzkart train are telling political jokes on their way to Moscow. The fourth is coming in and he hisses "Oh my, do not tell those, you'll be taken". "Oh, come on, man, says one of the three". The alerting guy than goes to the stewardess and asks for four cups of tea delivered to that platzkart seats in exactly 4 minutes. Four minutes later he continues to hiss on his travel companions "Guys, if you w…

Group of CIA agents are thinking about how to invent a joke for Russian communists. With great struggle they invented a joke about butter. Now, to test their joke, they secretly landed near a city in Siberia and told their joke to a men. Men does not laugh. CIA asking — «Are you understanding the joke? — Yeah, I understand the joke, but what is „butter“?».

Re: CIA Declassified Coldwar Russian Jokes [pdf]

#167

Post by grkvlt »

Noseshine wrote: post #122
andrei_says_ wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you've seen Russian wives you now this is not a joke (ducks).

Unless you refer to old(er) working class women with a hard life I don't see how any reasonable person can think that's even remotely a basis for a joke, given how much more beautiful Russian women look on average. Just walk around Russian cities. Having lived in the US for a decade and having been to Russia and Ukraine several times, sometimes for months living in a rented apartment, I know which country I'd choose…

It always intrigues me how people manage to persuade themselves, or get the impression, that country X or city Y has more attractive women than anywhere else. I guess it's a 'Grass is always greener...' effect?

Re: CIA Declassified Coldwar Russian Jokes [pdf]

#168

Post by zymhan »

dragandj wrote: post #132

Wlodek, a rural farmer, has decided that might be safer not keeping his money under the mattress. So he takes his horse and cart and goes off to the nearest town to talk to the bank. "Right," says Wlodek, "I want to make sure my 50 zlotys are safe. Like, what happens if someone robs you and takes everything in your vault?" "Oh, don't worry about that!" says the smooth bank manager. "The main branch in the city would…

I laughed for a solid 30 seconds. That is a great joke.

Re: CIA Declassified Coldwar Russian Jokes [pdf]

#169

Post by 67726e »

ksrm wrote: post #123

There's a great one at the start of Slavoj Zizek's Welcome to the Desert of the Real : In an old joke from the defunct German Democratic Republic, a German worker gets a job in Siberia; aware of how all mail will be read by censors, he tells his friends: “Let’s establish a code: if a letter you will get from me is written in ordinary blue ink, it is true; if it is written in red ink, it is false.” After a month, his…

If we're telling DDR jokes, I always loved the joke from Das Leben der Anderen[0]:

Honecker walks into his office, looks out the window and says "Good morning, dear sun!" and the sun replies "Good morning Erich!"

At lunch Honecker walks to the window and says "Good afternoon, dear sun!", and the sun replies "Good afternoon Erich!"

Finally, at the end of the day Honecker walks to his window and says "Good evening, dear sun!". But the sun doesn't say anything, so he says once more "Good evening, dear sun! Is something wrong?". The sun finally replies, "Kiss my ass I'm in the west now!"

[0] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8vDQaAYaQg

Re: CIA Declassified Coldwar Russian Jokes [pdf]

#170

Post by lisivka »

ommunist wrote: post #125

Yes, the USSR was so secret, that it took decades for CIA to declassify its mortally dangerous jokes. However, the "war of jokes" was integral part of the Cold War and do not underestimate one. There is terrific Russian novel about this battle, it took off in the late 60-ies. Very important to know that a class of jokes about Russian Civil War heroes, Petyka and Vassily Ivanovich Chapaev was a viral campaign set off…

Yeah, USSR was so weak, so it was child play to kill it with just a joke.
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