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The widowhood effect: What it’s like to lose a spouse in your 30s

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Re: The widowhood effect: What it’s like to lose a spouse in your 30s

#11

Post by luctor_ad_astra »

quickthrowaway9 wrote: post #5

I've had to post this using a throwaway as I've had to hide this from my employer who only hangs onto me as they don't know the magnitude of the problems we are facing. They think it's a temporary dip in health. That was throughly depressing and a little too close to home at the moment for me. I can't work out if it's better to burn out in 42 days or live for 7-10 years with a crippling immune disorder and constant c…

My wife died from cancer in November. We were married over twenty years. Life became despair. I can hardly remember 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016. Photos serve only to realize the delta you don't realize week to week. What a cruel, cruel disease.

Re: The widowhood effect: What it’s like to lose a spouse in your 30s

#12

Post by late2part »

quickthrowaway9 wrote: post #5

I've had to post this using a throwaway as I've had to hide this from my employer who only hangs onto me as they don't know the magnitude of the problems we are facing. They think it's a temporary dip in health. That was throughly depressing and a little too close to home at the moment for me. I can't work out if it's better to burn out in 42 days or live for 7-10 years with a crippling immune disorder and constant c…

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I appreciate your penultimate paragraph - enjoy life. Treasure your wife and your time with her. Enjoy your life and create memories and know if you lose her - you'll have those memories you created together.

Re: The widowhood effect: What it’s like to lose a spouse in your 30s

#13

Post by tominous »

My wife was diagnosed with cancer in May/June 2015 and moved into the hospice last week. We have two young kids and I'm 33.

I have a lot to say, but for now two things. One, she organised health and life insurance for both of us, and increased them before each child. She's always been the sensible one. Two, having the kids to look after has made things incredibly difficult but I don't know where I'd be without them. Children constantly pull you into the here-and-now. It is so terribly sad that they'll miss out on their mother and she'll miss out on them.

Re: The widowhood effect: What it’s like to lose a spouse in your 30s

#14

Post by kalleboo »

quickthrowaway9 wrote: post #5

I've had to post this using a throwaway as I've had to hide this from my employer who only hangs onto me as they don't know the magnitude of the problems we are facing. They think it's a temporary dip in health. That was throughly depressing and a little too close to home at the moment for me. I can't work out if it's better to burn out in 42 days or live for 7-10 years with a crippling immune disorder and constant c…

> I implore anyone to enjoy life as soon as possible. Don't save it for a rainy day. It might never rain. We saved and planned and never got to fulfill our plans.

My grandparents saved and made grand plans for trips in retirement, and then my grandfather passed from lung cancer.

My parents have always said that money and retirement is wasted on the old, that whole thing should be reversed.

Re: The widowhood effect: What it’s like to lose a spouse in your 30s

#15

Post by wavefunction »

tominous wrote: post #13

My wife was diagnosed with cancer in May/June 2015 and moved into the hospice last week. We have two young kids and I'm 33. I have a lot to say, but for now two things. One, she organised health and life insurance for both of us, and increased them before each child. She's always been the sensible one. Two, having the kids to look after has made things incredibly difficult but I don't know where I'd be without them.…

My condolences, and I wish you and yours as well as you can be.

Re: The widowhood effect: What it’s like to lose a spouse in your 30s

#16

Post by mrbill »

mrbill wrote: post #4

Lost my wife seven years ago suddenly at the age of 34 [1]. My first relationship after her passing was with someone who herself had become widowed a couple of years before. We'd started out as friends, but ended up dating for about three months. It was incredibly healing for both of us to be able to tell stories about those who had passed, without someone going "WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR DEAD SPOUSE?" She's still…

I posted this to Reddit a few years ago and still get messages about it every few days.

"June 16, 2009: my wife suddenly passed away at home, at the age of 34.

I was the one who found her, and she'd been gone for at least an hour if not more when I did.

We'd been together for eleven years. It wasn't perfect - what marriage is? - but things had been worse, and were in the process of finally getting better. Being best friends can help you get through the worst of times. I felt guilty that one of my thoughts was "at least now we won't fight over stupid crap that doesn't really matter".

For at least six months, I was on autopilot. I went to work, did what I had to do to get paid, and just. didn't. care. Ate a lot of fast food because I didn't want to expend the energy to go to the grocery store. I bought my cats food from Amazon because they'd deliver it to my front door.

Depression is a horrible thing; only now can I look back and realize just how bad it was.

It's not every day, but there are times when I think about joining my wife, but then that would just mean an end result of other people having to deal with the aftermath of my problems.

There are days when I get home from work and unlock the front door and walk into a quiet house, where I would give up everything I own to have someone there to give me a hug and sincerely ask how my day went and honestly care about my answer.

Something so simple as human touch, compassion, and companionship is worth more than anything else in the world. If you've got it, if you have someone that loves you - don't give that up. Don't waste it. Don't be petty or throw it away because of other little things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of life.

Some of us wonder if we'll ever get to experience it again."

Re: The widowhood effect: What it’s like to lose a spouse in your 30s

#17

Post by mrbill »

wavefunction wrote: post #15
tominous wrote: post #13

My wife was diagnosed with cancer in May/June 2015 and moved into the hospice last week. We have two young kids and I'm 33. I have a lot to say, but for now two things. One, she organised health and life insurance for both of us, and increased them before each child. She's always been the sensible one. Two, having the kids to look after has made things incredibly difficult but I don't know where I'd be without them.…

My condolences, and I wish you and yours as well as you can be.

My condolences. I know there's not much I could say that would help. Hang in there.

Re: The widowhood effect: What it’s like to lose a spouse in your 30s

#18

Post by ihaveahadron »

Call it whatever, but in English it's called a wife when you have one committed partner. That's what wife means, nothing else.

This is not a statement about anything. This is an English lesson, w i f e. It's four letters and about a second grade vocabulary you stupid morons.

I may have not passed the tenth grade, but I did pass second grade.

Holy shit...

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