How Social Isolation Is Killing Us • Hacker News Board

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#151

Post by soroso » Fri, Dec 23, 2016, 10:35 AM UTC

enraged_camel wrote: post #111

Baeocystin wrote: post #76

It's articles like this that genuinely make me wonder if I'm a weirdo because I actually prefer to be alone when at all possible. And I like people! I have no trouble engaging in small talk while getting to know new folks. But man, they wear me out. Even ones I love. At the end of the day, I need aloneness if I'm going to recharge for tomorrow's challenges.

That's the very definition of introversion, and it's perfectly OK. But even introverts need some social interaction.

They do, but not the same type or intensity of extroverts. That's another facet of what I call "extrovert's dictatorship". Extroverts just assume that their way of doing social interaction is the healthy and correct one.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#152

Post by scottmf » Fri, Dec 23, 2016, 10:36 AM UTC

tnecniv wrote: post #29

LeanderK wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

i speak with strangers in bars all the time, seriously. I thought it's one of the reasons bars exists. Even most tinder-dates start in bars, because if it's not going anywhere there other people to talk to. You just might not get laid.

I must be going to the wrong bars. Everyone I go regularly has people minding their own business.

Where do you live?

In NYC I feel much more welcome talking to strangers in bars than I do in London.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#153

Post by [deleted] » Fri, Dec 23, 2016, 11:07 AM UTC

closeparen wrote: post #13

muninn_ wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Right. It's not an issue of technology, for the most part, but it's the way American cities are designed. Instead of mixed-use walkable neighborhoods where people with a variety of incomes and backgrounds live, and stay put, we have suburban fortresses where people live in a box, never talk to their neighbors, drive a box to work, work in a box, then do it all over again. The national highway system was great for a n…

This is an extremely poor argument. Try starting a conversation on a Manhattan subway. The lack of boxes between you and your fellow commuters does not make it remotely acceptable to interact with them, nor should it. It is much harder to meet friends who are separated by 5 miles of bus ride than 5 miles of freeway. It is much harder to actually hear each other at a crowded bar than someone's home, but only the very…

[deleted]

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#154

Post by chrisco255 » Fri, Dec 23, 2016, 11:18 AM UTC

closeparen wrote: post #13

muninn_ wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Right. It's not an issue of technology, for the most part, but it's the way American cities are designed. Instead of mixed-use walkable neighborhoods where people with a variety of incomes and backgrounds live, and stay put, we have suburban fortresses where people live in a box, never talk to their neighbors, drive a box to work, work in a box, then do it all over again. The national highway system was great for a n…

This is an extremely poor argument. Try starting a conversation on a Manhattan subway. The lack of boxes between you and your fellow commuters does not make it remotely acceptable to interact with them, nor should it. It is much harder to meet friends who are separated by 5 miles of bus ride than 5 miles of freeway. It is much harder to actually hear each other at a crowded bar than someone's home, but only the very…

Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world, she took the midnight train goin' anywhere...

Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit, he took the midnight train going anywhere...

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#155

Post by peter303 » Fri, Dec 23, 2016, 11:45 AM UTC

I wonder how much this is due to living in a big city like New York where there is pretty good availability of basic living services whether government or private. Services like housing, health, food. Then you not really need to build social netwrks to live. Great for loner types then.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#156

Post by peter303 » Fri, Dec 23, 2016, 11:51 AM UTC

TheOneTrueKyle wrote: post #30

I have been "lonely" most of my life. I have lived in a terrible town growing up where everyone lived on the other side of town. I went to college where nothing was happening and nothing is really interesting and I didn't connect with anyone really. Now, I am reaching 30, and have spent the most of my 20s trying to find a way to move to a place that will make me happy. I'm hoping this will eventually happen, but I ha…

At age 30 most people are strong and healthy. That is huge asset. When you get older like 60 or 70 you may start losing these and needvto depend on others whether friends or government. Young people feel invincible, read some of these nebulous self help articles and believe they will never become dependent. Well we have news for you - life is not always roses.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#157

Post by peter303 » Fri, Dec 23, 2016, 11:56 AM UTC

Last year the New York Times ran an article on New Yorks Potters cemetery called Hart Island. Die without someone to make arrangements and the city efficiently buries you in this indigent cemetery. Sometimes people are not discovered dead for weeks until the rotting smell in their multiple housing becomes too strong for neighbors. The Times tracked down acquaintances and relatives of these people. They never knew these people had died. The city doent try too hard to find such relatives.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#158

Post by kbart » Fri, Dec 23, 2016, 12:12 PM UTC

woogiewonka wrote: post #123

wott wrote: post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I must be going to the wrong bars. Very likely. There are bars where people go to be alone; bars were people go in a group to stay purely within their group; bars where people go to meet between regulars and are closed to newcomers; bars where people are opened to anyone, regulars or 5-minute newcomer; etc. The most classy, and also often the most hyped ones are the coldest ones. The most popular are often the warm…

This makes me sad because I don't go to bars. Not sure what to do when I don't drink. Shy as fuck too, sucks.

You don't have to drink alcohol at bar. I have plenty of friends who don't consume alcohol, but have no problems going out and order non-alcoholic cocktail, juice, tea etc. Sure, it depends on a place a lot -- there are places where people go to chat and meet new people and there are places where people go to drink until passing out, so find the one that suits you..

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#159

Post by Ensorceled » Fri, Dec 23, 2016, 12:22 PM UTC

otakucode wrote: post #147

If we were to do something kooky and nutty like abandon centralized large corporate offices as our primary places of work, and instead the majority of us worked from home, that would result in many people spending several hour a day in their local neighborhood rather than sitting in their car. I expect local communities would be revitalized simply by default because people would finally be PRESENT instead of commutin…

This is interesting in that many people get their only social interaction from their co-workers. Work from home would just isolate them even more.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#160

Post by faragon » Fri, Dec 23, 2016, 12:34 PM UTC

It is easier being egotistical when someone is able to live alone with enough comfort. I guess that it could be somehow "solved" with tax discounts by having kids, by sharing home with elder people, or even by sharing home in general, in general.