Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

nytimes.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

141–150 of 243 posts

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#141

Post by karmelapple »

skybrian wrote: post #86
wott wrote: post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I must be going to the wrong bars. Very likely. There are bars where people go to be alone; bars were people go in a group to stay purely within their group; bars where people go to meet between regulars and are closed to newcomers; bars where people are opened to anyone, regulars or 5-minute newcomer; etc. The most classy, and also often the most hyped ones are the coldest ones. The most popular are often the warm…

How would you explain your good luck? Do you think it will work for other people?

I don't know the parent commenter, but I am confident he or she would not characterize that as luck.

Here's a book that can help you stop thinking it has anything to do with luck:

How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships [1]

[1] https://amazon.com/How-Talk-Anyone-Success-Relationships/dp/...

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#142

Post by karmelapple »

yomly wrote: post #139
soneca wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My (not so limited) connections come from continuously contact, not common interests or hates. Very different, oposing views and values can break a relationship. Very similar views cannot make them - only if this similarity leads to continuous contact. My friends come from: childhood neighboors, two student organizations I was part of and college soccer team. Each of these environments allowed for years long contact…

Agree with this, circumstance can accelerate this process: sharing some mutual experience like going on a tour or living in a foreign country can leave you making friends with people you would probably never have associated with back home

As mentioned elsewhere: meetup.com

If you live in a community too small to have a meetup, make one yourself and see if anyone attends. I did it, fully expecting not a single person to show up. I met so many people through that, starting in a community of under 70,000 people.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#143

Post by zeroer »

icantdrive55 wrote: post #90
tnecniv wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I must be going to the wrong bars. Everyone I go regularly has people minding their own business.

I have been to too many bars over the decades. I usually went because I wanted to meet someone new. I had very mixed results. While I had mixed results; people did seem to interact with eachother. Yes--it was small talk, but interaction. Fast forward to today. The smart phone seems to have just ruined the experience all together. I can blame myself--I'm not the same social person? I've aged? I don't find people and t…

15 dollar drinks !!?!

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#144

Post by karmelapple »

jokoon wrote: post #133

When I was starting to use facebook in 2007, I thought it was the greatest thing ever to meet people and do things. I still think that the internet can make people who live near each other meet and socialize. I don't understand why no site like this is being created, and why facebook has become so alienating instead of becoming a site that encourage exclusivity between friends. People are really adopting the jetset a…

meetup.com is a great website focused on helping people who live near each other meet and socialize. Highly recommend it.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#145

Post by zeroer »

Frondo wrote: post #103
muninn_ wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes. I have a high-paying job, a mortgage, and although I'm personable I don't see any starting point or path toward doing anything about it.

Volunteer with your preferred local political party. The path to getting into politics can start as easily as showing up until people know you, and having good ideas that enough people agree with. Your job as a politician would be to carry those ideas to the structures of power (town council, school board, whatever). It's pretty time-consuming, but it's a big responsibility, making decisions that affect lots of peopl…

Another reason not to do so is that it's a high-risk, low-reward endeavor.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#147

Post by otakucode »

If we were to do something kooky and nutty like abandon centralized large corporate offices as our primary places of work, and instead the majority of us worked from home, that would result in many people spending several hour a day in their local neighborhood rather than sitting in their car. I expect local communities would be revitalized simply by default because people would finally be PRESENT instead of commuting and spending the majority of their waking hours far away from their local community. Just another way that the death of our antiquated 'way of work' that was optimal for manufacturing and assembly lines but downright ludicrous now will benefit everyone. Well, except for middle managers. They'll mostly be automated out of a job. Have to get their heart attacks the old fashioned way I guess.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#148

Post by rl3 »

icantdrive55 wrote: post #90
tnecniv wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I must be going to the wrong bars. Everyone I go regularly has people minding their own business.

I have been to too many bars over the decades. I usually went because I wanted to meet someone new. I had very mixed results. While I had mixed results; people did seem to interact with eachother. Yes--it was small talk, but interaction. Fast forward to today. The smart phone seems to have just ruined the experience all together. I can blame myself--I'm not the same social person? I've aged? I don't find people and t…

>The last time I was out, I was in an Irish themed bar in San Francisco.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irish_pub#North_America

A typical "Irish pub" these days is usually the bar equivalent of Applebee's. However, the bartender in your story definitely sounded legit. :)

I find that small, established live music venues that operate a bar regardless of shows tend to be far more "real". There's usually only a few of these in any given major metropolitan area.

The phone stare ratio is far lower than average, but you run into the opposite problem: everyone knows everyone, and you're the outsider. Of course, that's usually a healthy sign that just indicates the place is worth becoming a regular at.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#149

Post by soroso »

otakucode wrote: post #147

If we were to do something kooky and nutty like abandon centralized large corporate offices as our primary places of work, and instead the majority of us worked from home, that would result in many people spending several hour a day in their local neighborhood rather than sitting in their car. I expect local communities would be revitalized simply by default because people would finally be PRESENT instead of commutin…

Not entirely true. Often people work in a different time zone than their neighborhood, thus rendering the proposed effect useless. That's my case.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#150

Post by soroso »

jokoon wrote: post #133

When I was starting to use facebook in 2007, I thought it was the greatest thing ever to meet people and do things. I still think that the internet can make people who live near each other meet and socialize. I don't understand why no site like this is being created, and why facebook has become so alienating instead of becoming a site that encourage exclusivity between friends. People are really adopting the jetset a…

This is the very representation of what I call "extrovert's dictatorship". This idea simply assumes that everyone is extroverted and long for social interactions. It is far from the truth.
Post reply on HN