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Ask HN: Does anyone else have (or had) problems in dating or getting married?

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Re: Ask HN: Does anyone else have (or had) problems in dating or getting married?

#31
I've never had any problems dating. I've had several girlfriends off and on since I was sixteen, always by choice. I am a decently attractive person so I always found it pretty easy to talk to women as they are usually attracted to me.

I've never tried Tinder or any of those apps. Never really saw the point....

My suggestion would be to work out and improve your confidence. Good luck!

Re: Ask HN: Does anyone else have (or had) problems in dating or getting married?

#32
Related question: I've seen several comments on HN and elsewhere about how bad the dating scene is (for guys) in Silicon Valley / "Man Francisco". I'm curious, is it really that bad?

I'm assuming Seattle has similar demographics so that might be part of the problem for the OP.

Re: Ask HN: Does anyone else have (or had) problems in dating or getting married?

#33
> I go to the gym at least 3 times a week

What are you doing in the gym? From the point of view of aesthetics, doing cardio etc is basically a waste of time. Focus on lifting weights and building muscle.

I'm reliably informed that being 1. Muscular 2. Not fat and 3. Stylishly dressed will put you ahead of many men physically.

Re: Ask HN: Does anyone else have (or had) problems in dating or getting married?

#35
I am not a very good looking guy. I go to the gym at least 3 times a week. I am not overweight as well. Only strike against me is my premature baldness. I personally don't think it is such a big deal now. However, when I was in SF, it was a big deal for most of the women.

All you talk about is what you look like and then you claim to be looking for a serious relationship. Relationships are not just for good looking people and although women can be just as shallow as men, they generally have a different set of biases about looks than men have.

Here is a secret that many people seem to fail to grasp: A relationship is based on relating. In order for that to happen, you need to be talking to people -- and not on tinder. That's a hookup app. It isn't likely to lead to marriage.

You need to get a social life. You need to learn to talk with women just because they are human beings and not because you met them on tinder. You need to learn to let them decide what they like about you. If they have a problem with your baldness, then the answer is "Shallow bitch. NEXT!" and stop wasting your time. Not every woman will care about that.

A good place to start is to get some hobbies, as other people are suggesting. Or even strike up conversation with people at the gym -- and not in a creepy "You are a girl, and I am only talking to you hoping it will lead to sex" kind of way. Just talk to people. That is the absolute first step in establishing any kind of relationship at all to anyone on the planet.

Re: Ask HN: Does anyone else have (or had) problems in dating or getting married?

#37
As an easterner, let me offer a little bit of a different view. This will likely get down voted to hell but let's see how tolerant HN really is. ;-)

My advice: get married. Find a match maker or a professional match match making service. You're 31. I don't know what point in the West (and now more in the east as well) it became normal to be unmarried in your 30s but it's really unhealthy from a mental health point of view. At this rate you're likely to get married in your late 30s (which isn't bad but it isn't for everyone I think). So my advice is get serious and get married ASAP

Re: Ask HN: Does anyone else have (or had) problems in dating or getting married?

#39
Go find your favorite busy coffee shop ( I know Seattle has good ones). Bring a real book and a magazine you like (not a kindle or an ipad). Sit in an open place or community table, and half read your book, making sure that people can see the cover/title. If you see a young woman who is doing the same thing, strike up a conversation.

Ask her about what she is reading. Talk about the article you are reading. Try to look for a common bond.

That is how my husband met me 17 years ago. Worked for us!

Good Luck. PS bag tinder, go find real people in real places that you like.

Re: Ask HN: Does anyone else have (or had) problems in dating or getting married?

#40

Let me recommend you something really fun: Improv classes. I took only a 6 weeks class and it was great. 1) You'll be forced to be out of your comfort zone, which might be one of the reasons you are not meeting people: its comfortable not to (I've been there). 2) You'll be performing truly ridiculous acts, in its hilarity you'll likely form some bonds with the other students. Take the advantage to go for some drinks…

This is a great suggestion. I will add that there are very groups of people more fun and open than those that are interested in the performing arts. One of the best things that ever happened to me in college was getting a job working backstage at the theater. Suddenly I was surrounded and working long hours with people that very smart, funny, and talented. It is a great way to meet people.
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